Haunted Present
by MirbyWrites
Summary: Clary knows first hand the painful reality this earth can offer, so she is moved to a boarding school. A few years into her stay at the CC boarding school she finally thinks she is escaping her past, that she is ready to move on. To try to forget. But will her past catch up to her? Was moving away from the one thing she hated the most, the worst decision she has ever made?
1. Finally catching up

_**Welcome to my first story! This is my first fanfiction so I will be rusty! I love The Mortal Instruments and have been typing this story for a long time. I decided I would like to share it! I hope you like it! **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Credit goes to Cassandra Clare.**_

* * *

I'm staring into the mirror, oblivious to my dad yelling beside me.

"Why are you here?! You're crazy!" I can hear him but I can't process it.

_You're not wanted. _I snap around to see Valentine reaching for my neck.

"Get away from me Valentine" I whisper.

"Why are you so distant? What happened to my daughter?" He lowers his hands.

"I'm still your daughter Valentine. I can't help if I'm so distant."

"You're not my daughter! Why are you so distant?!" He yells at me.

_He's right you know._

"BECAUSE! YOU THINK NO ONE SAW YOU KILL JON?! YOU'RE WRONG! YOU MURDERED HIM IN COLD BLOOD! I SAW IT!" I shout at him, crying like mad. This is all true. He killed my brother Jon. I saw it. He used a knife and killed him. It kills me that I saw it happened. I have nightmares constantly. What's worse is that no one else knows he did it. It ruined our family to pieces. I now live in absolute misery. I lost my mum too. Jocelyn committed suicide but of course Valentine is fine. The guy who murders are all ways fine. "YOU EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY WITH IT?!" This time Valentine grabbed me by the throat and smashed me against the mirror. Earning me a nasty cut across the side of my face. He didn't say anything. Just dropped me to the ground. He kicked me once and then picked me up.

"Don't come back" He whispers as I feel a cool breeze and the sensation of falling. Yet it was real. I was falling out of my 2 story window. I didn't mind. Let me die.

_You deserve to die._ The voices in my head yell at me. I smack the ground hard and I go unconscious immediately.

* * *

"I'm so glad that its summer break! This is going to be great." I exhale loudly and turn to Isabelle. One of my best friend. Once I was sent to this boarding school on behalf of Valentine. I just clicked with Isabelle.

"Yeah." I try to smile but I just can't.

"Hey. Clary, it's okay. I know last summer you fell out of the building but you have to get over it." I turn to face her.

"Izzy please don't. That Summer held so much more in it."

"Like what? Clary what is it?"

"My mom."

"What happened?"

"She committed suicide. Listen Izzy. I hate summer break. I have so many bad memories. I'm sorry that I will be such a downer but it haunts me constantly." I walk out of the bathroom. I make my way down to the lunch hall.

_You know how much easier it would be if you were dead. _I push away the voices and take a seat next to Simon. Izzy's boyfriend, one of my friends also.

"Hey Clary. Where's Izzy?" Of course he would only care about Izzy when a tear drops down my cheek. I shake my head and walk outside to take a seat under a tree. Alec must have saw me because he comes to seat next to me.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asks so... I don't know how to explain it but... peacefully.

"Alec I'm so miserable." I whisper shaking my head. My hair curtaining around me. Alec raises my head and runs his finger over the scar on the side of my face.

"You never told me what happened."

"Alec, don't." I quickly change the subject. "What's happening with you? You had a huge smile on your face over there." I pointed to where Alec was chucking a ball before he saw me. He sighs in disapproval of my topic change but Alec knows not to bug me about it.

"You know how I have an adopted brother. He was kicked out of he's other school so he is moving here. After convincing of course." He smiling. His adopted brother didn't want to come here so he went to a public school. He must be out of options.

"That's sounds good. I'm glad you're happy about it." I reply.

"Yeah. We are really close and I missed him so I'm happy." He smiles, looking out in the distance. "SO where is my sister?" I shrug in answer. "What did she do?" He turns his full attention to me.

"That's the thing Alec. She didn't really do anything but I told you. I'm miserable. And she told me to get over it." I sigh. Alec knows that I fell out of the window. They don't know the full story so everyone thinks I'm over-reacting.

"Oh. Is there anything I can do to make you happy?" He asks look at my tears falling again.

"I don't think you can Alec." I push my knees to my chest and lower my head.

"Clary I'm sorry." He brings me into his signature embrace.

"I'm going to bed if anyone asks." I start to get up leaving Alec on the floor.

"It's only lunch time."

"I know." I jog back to the main building, tears streaming down my face. I run up the stairs to floor two and enter my room. Luckily, I don't share with anyone. I go take a nap on my bed. Nightmares fill my not so peaceful nap. When I wake up, I go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I'm a mess. I look like a mess and feel like a mess. I run my index finger over my scar. I take a step back to go back to bed but I trip over the bath tub and I have a brief flash back from the window incident. I scratch the side of my face on the tap, it's a searing pain. Another reminder of that night. I run my fingers over the scar again, it's wet and my fingers are tinted crimson red. In the moment I decide that I really couldn't care. Instead I just cry, sitting miserably in the bath tub.

_You know you want it._ The voices scream. I do want it. I reach under the sink and find the bottle of vodka. I've been sober for a month when I stopped seeing Sebastian but this is an exception. I sit back into the bath and sip straight from the bottle. Enjoying the burning sensation down my throat. I take gulp after gulp of the drink until I pass out in the bath.


	2. The Dog Days

**Hey guys! Welcome to chapter 2. Make sure to leave tips and your thoughts! I would love to hear them all. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**(Just so you aware: Things will start to go bad real quick.)**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. Cred to Cassandra Clare.**

* * *

I wake to a muffled scream and water surrounding me.

"CLARY!" I can make out blue eyes and black hair. A manly figure. It's Alec. Where am I? My eyes are blurry and when I try to breath there is no air but water. Alec's hands wrap around my shoulders and yank me upwards. I sit up right coughing up water. "CLARY WHAT WHERE YOU DOING?" I have an awful headache and a stinging on the side of my face. Ignoring Alec. I stood up and walked over to the mirror stumbling a fair bit. I look at my face and see the scar is ripped open. I can see Alec's face threw the mirror and he looks mortified. I turn around and see the vodka bottle floating in the water. Oh... now I remember what happened.

"How did you find me?" I ask not looking at Alec.

"Clary! I woke up and heard a bang and then rushing of water. I didn't think much of it until it didn't stop and I heard nothing from over here. You know how thin the walls are. That's when I freaked and grabbed the spare key and found you in here."

"Well I'm glad you're my neighbor." I slightly laugh.

"How could you be like this? You could have died!" Alec starts to tear up. "What happened?" I sigh and sit on the toilet seat soaking.

"I-uh-was looking at myself in the mirror and fell over the bath tub. Cutting my scar open. I just got lost and upset and turned to the bottle. I passed out. I must have turned the tap on when I was passed out or something." I rub my forehead from the headache. Alec shakes his head with tears streaming down his face.

"I'll get you water and tablets from my room. Don't move or do anything." Alec walks out the bathroom shaking from crying. I fall from the seat onto the cold floor and cry.

_Look at that. You've stuffed up again._

"SHUT UP!" I yell at the voices out loud. I hear running footsteps and a door slamming open. Alec rushes into the room and comes beside me and hugs me tightly.

"Clary. It's going to be okay." He says in a soothing voice.

Alec and I sit like that for I think 1 minute. "Clary. It's 5:30 in the morning. You can go back to sleep or we could get breakfast." Alec suggests pulling me to my feet.

"Coffee would be nice." I hug my elbows tightly from being so cold.

"Okay get changed into something warm. I'm going to get better clothes on." I only just notice he is in his pajamas. I nod. Once Alec is out the door, I pull leggings and a baggy jumper on. I look at the scar and I know I can't do anything about it.

"Pull it together Clary. Be strong. Don't let him control your life." I whisper to myself as I walk out the door. I knock on Alec's door. I hear a groan and the door gets slammed open. Inside a half-naked, unbelievably good looking guy is standing in front of me. His golden hair and eyes are just... spectacular. He takes a quick breath when he really looks at me.

"Sorry for being snappy. Who are you exactly?" I open my mouth to stutter an answer but that's when Alec ducks under the guys arm smiling at me.

"I see you've meet my adopted brother Jace. Jace this is Clary." Alec gestures towards Jace. I nod and keep my eyes on Jace. He smirks at me and I melt inside. My god. Alec steps outside next to me. "Okay. I'm good to go." I nod again turning my attention away from Jace. I can feel his eyes on me when I walk down the hall.

* * *

"Clary. I think you should see someone." Alec tells me breaking the silence.

"No." I'm not going to see anyone ever.

"You need to see someone professional. That can help you."

"I don't need help. I need friends and time alone."

"And look what happened when you were alone."

"Don't use that against me."

"Clary! You're drinking again!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"

"How can you mean not to drink?"

"I don't know!"

"Clary ple-"

"No Alec!"

"You're hurt. You aren't tell me something. You can trust me." Alec reaches over and grabs my hand.

"I know I can trust you. I just don't trust myself."

"Why does that stop you from trusting me?!"

"Alec! Stop!"

"Hey! Alec stop! She looks like she's going to cry." Jace says taking a seat next to me. I look at him and then at Alec.

"I'm going to my room. Don't come after me." I say standing up from my seat.

I walk out the door and up the stairs. Stopping at Room 217. "Sebastian!" I yell knocking on the door. After 5 seconds he opens the door in his pajamas still. To be fair it is 7:00am.

"Clary?" He looks at me surprised and puzzled.

"Need vodka." I push pass him to his stash of liquor.

"I thought you gave that up." He shut the door and walked over to me.

"Step away from me now and things happen. How much for 3 bottles." I ask fishing out my wallet from my pocket. As Sebastian goes to get the bottles out.

"Three?" He asks grabbing three bottles out.

"Oh come on. I go through one in 10 minutes. How much?"

"$50."

"Pricey." I say getting a $50 dollar note out of my wallet. He just shrugs and I pass him the money. I screw the lid off and raise it at him. "Thanks." I say then taking a swig. I walk out the room and down the hall. I walk into my bedroom and take another swig. "I better save this." I screw the lid back on and put it in the fridge. It won't last but all well. I turn to sit on my bed but there is a knock on my door. I stalk over to the door. As I am opening the door I yell for Alec to go away. But it wasn't Alec at the door but Jace. "Oh sorry. Hey." He smirks then sniffs.

"You've been drinking." He states. "Can I come in?"

"Ah... okay. How did you know I was drinking?" Jace takes a seat on my bed.

"I can smell it."

"I took one sip of vodka." I say taking a seat on the window still.

"Key word is Vodka there." He says looking around my room. Luckily, I keep my room reasonably clean. I shift uncomfortably of him being here calling me out on drinking.

"Well... what does it matter?"

"Alec told me."


	3. Letting Jace In

**Another chapter! Yay! Unfortunately there is no one to read it. :/ Well, if someone is there! I hope you enjoy it!**

**Warning: There's swearing!**

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the characters.**

"Argh! What did he say?"

"That you had a drinking problem then stopped and what happened this morning. Which brings me to the question on why are you miserable?" He says staring at me.

"At least he didn't tell you that. I would have killed him"

"Well, he didn't. I want to know. You're hurt and beside I have unbelievably good looks, so spill."

"Oh god!" I groan.

"What?" He asks taping the space beside him for me to sit. I shake my head.

"We have a cocky son of a bitch on our hands."

"In who you enjoy the presence of."

"Well that's an overstatement." I roll my eyes at him.

"You're not like what Alec explains you to be."

"And what's that?" I ask hoping down from the ledge making my way to the fridge.

"Not confident and not open nor challenging." I open my fridge grabbing the vodka bottle.

"Great he speaks so fondly of me." I unscrew the lid but Jace snatches the bottle out of hand. "Hey!"

"You're not drinking. Especially not when I'm here. I know the affects alcohol has on people."

"You know that first hand." I say snatching the drink back. He sighs and shakes his head.

"My mom. Died from alcohol poisoning. You understand why I don't like people drinking. I also hope you will be respectful enough not to drink either." I nod and screw the lid on and put it in the fridge not taking a sip.

"That's terrible. I hope you're feeling better about your mom." I say hoping back on the window still.

"No sorry?" He looks at me with a confused look.

"Was I meant to say sorry?"

"No... people usually do say sorry."

"I don't see the point. I didn't do anything. I could say sorry as in sorry for your lose but sorry in that sense doesn't work for me. If I am to apologize for anything it would be for going to drink in front of you which then again I didn't know about your mom so not really my fault. But yet I'm sorry for going to drink in front of."

"Interesting opinion. I agree though."

"One woman's opinion as people would say but hey! I think I'm smart." I say smiling.

"That I also agree with. Anyway, what brought you to drinking, what stopped you drinking and what kicked started it again?"

"Alright. Noted that you like to ask questions" He smirks when I say that. "But the answer to those 3 questions. I cannot share. You know what. Okay. I have a past that haunts me and I'm miserable. Plus I don't really trust you."

"Why can't you trust this face?"

"Easy. When you release how cocky you are. Plus. I don't know you."

"Perhaps we can change that."

"Perhaps we can. So how would you go about 'getting to know someone'?"

"I usually like to start on the past but you obviously don't want to share so how about... just hanging out and getting to know each other."

"Yeah I'm okay with that."

"Listen.. I'm planning to get some lunch soon. I know it's early but who cares. So before you come to lunch with this amazing body of mine I would like to ask one question."

"Ask away" I say getting of the window still to get my shoes on.

"Why where you so.. not the girl I saw at the door? Not the girl who Alec said you were. Quite and not a fight fire with fire, comeback person?"

"I don't know. There's something about you that's different from other people." I say walking towards the door. I hear Jace walking behind me.

"Probably because of my looks." I can hear the smile on his face.

"You ruined the compliment."

"Well shit." He exclaims behind me and I laugh. A true laugh. I hardly know Jace but he makes me smile, happy and makes me have butterflies in my stomach. He's just him. Perfection.

* * *

"Just to let you know Clary. You can talk to me anytime you want and tell me about your past because I can see it hurts you to pieces. When did this all happen?" Jace asks straightening up in his chair.

"Thanks Jace. Well one of the worst part is in summer last year. Around this time."

"Oh course. That explains why you can be sad." He says nodding his head.

"JACE!" I know that voice from anywhere. It's Izzy's.

"Hey Izzy." Jace says standing up and taking her into a hug. She smiles but when she sees me the smile disappears.

"I see you are here with Summer-time blues." She says with a disgusted look on her face.

"Izz-" I start but she cuts me off instantly.

"No. You were being rude to me. All because you fell out of a window. It's no excuse." With that she storms away. Jace look at me surprised. I slump in my seat and smack my head on the table over and over.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"Clary!" Jace says pull my head up.

"I'm going to bed." I say without looking at him and walk as fast as I can out of the room.

* * *

I make it into the room but as soon as I reach to get the bottle. There is a knock on my door. I grab the bottle anyway and take a swig. I answer the door to find Jace. I take another swig.

"Go away." I say taking another drink.

"I said not to drink in front of me." He says with a disapproving look. I groan and start to go mad.

"You know what STUFF VODKA!" I yell throwing the bottle against the wall. It shatters to pieces.

"Okay Clary. May I come in?" I step away from the door and go to pick up the glass. "So I have a few questions. First being why do you have a cut on your face?" I stand up and my hand goes on my face as an instinct. I through the glass into the bin.

"Uh-when I fell out of the window."

"I don't believe it."

"Well I'm not sure I believe in god."

"Okay. How about the window insistent?"

"I don't want to." Luckily for me my phone went off.

"Hello?" I say into the phone. Jace is watching me carefully. I start to pace the room.

"Clarissa?" I freeze dead in my tracks. It can't be! She's dead.

"Joc-Joc"

"It's me honey." I end the call there. I crouch and pull at my hair. She's dead! IT CAN'T BE HER!

"Clary who was that?" Jace asks crouching beside me.

"My mom." I say through tears.

"Why is that such a shock?"

"She committed suicide last summer. How can she be alive?!" I say looking up at Jace. He has a stunned expression on his face.

"I don't know." He says softly and hugs me tight while I cry into his shirt.


	4. Coming Clean

**Welcome back to another chapter! I was very excited to find that I had 33 views on my story, 1 review and 1 follower! Thank you guys so much! I can't tell you enough how grateful I am. It made my week a lot better and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face! It would be greatly appreciated if you gave me your honest review! I would love to hear what you think! **

**I'm only writing this once so if you can keep this in mind: There will be swearing and violent themes.**

**Disclaimer: Credit goes to Cassandra Clare. (Characters and The Mortal Instruments)**

* * *

"Clary. I'm here okay. You're destroying yourself. Please tell me what's hurting you." Jace asks me as I cry on the bed. I turn around and face Jace.

"I thought my mum committed suicide that summer. I didn't fall out of the window. My father, Valentine. He-He chucked me out the window and told me not to come back. The way he made sure of it was that he sent me here and I got the scar from a Valentine." I sob uncontrollably, I spill the secrets I've held dear to me to someone I don't really know. But something is telling me I can trust him. I only told him a quarter of what happened and look at me. I'm an absolute mess. "Jace my life is messed up in so many ways I can't count it. Things happened to me that I just can't tell anyone. I'm scared of my past. It haunts me but what is worse is that. I'm messing myself up. I'm scared of myself and what I will do, Jace." I try to take deep breathes.

"Clary... I don't know what to say. I'm here for you okay. No matter what. I won't let you go." He says pulling me up for a hug. I just nod and cry until I can't keep my eyes open anymore so I fall asleep in his warm embrace.

* * *

When I wake up. There was no warm embrace but coldness. I sit up looking for Jace but he's isn't here. I sigh. Of course. He doesn't care.

"Clary. I bought some breakfast." Is that... Jace. Outside my door. I get out of bed and groan at my clothes. No of course I didn't put pajamas on. I open the door to a smiling Jace with a bag of what smells like... Jam Doughnuts and coffee. Yes!

"Yum." I snatch the bag out of his hands as he chuckles. I walk inside and sit on the window still opening the bag to...yum... Jam Doughnuts. Jace takes a seat on my bed.

"How are you feeling?" Jace asks passing me my coffee.

"Please. I know you care and all but I was so weak yesterday. I'm trying to get over it. Want a Jam Doughnut?" I say giving him the bag. I take a bite of the Jam doughnut and its heaven.

"Fine but I'm glad you're trying to move past it." He says smiling. "I ran into Sebastian today and he started to talk about you two together?" Jace says biting into his doughnut.

"Oh gosh. What did he say?" I say rolling my eyes.

"You seem like you don't know." He says raising an eyebrow. Damn! I want to do that! Is there a school I can go to that teaches you how to do that? I want to go.

"You make it sound bad. What did I do?"

"Are you playing dumb? Sebastian said that when you used to get drunk you used to be abusive to him." Jace says putting everything down, looking at me with disapproval. I spit my coffee out in surprise.

"And you believe that!" I yell wiping the coffee off my pants.

"I don't know Clary. Did you?"

"Of course not! I don't even see him anymore unless I need alcohol. Jace I can't believe you." I say pulling out my phone. I click on Alec's name.

"Wha-" Jace starts but Alec picks up the phone.

"Clary?" Alec sounds like he just woke up.

"Sorry for waking you up but your stupid adopted brother is here. He believes Sebastian's story that I used to abuse him when I was drunk. You know I can't explain it to him without running away so can you come over."

"DAMMIT JACE!" Alec yells into the phone.

"Thanks." I say before hang up. I get another doughnut.

"Wh-" Jace tries to speak.

"Shut it! Just wait!" I yell looking out the window. Well he shuts up.

* * *

"So you're saying that Sebastian beat you up when he was drunk and rape you?" Jace says obviously staring at me but I keep my eyes out the window. I nod though with tears down my face.

"Thanks Alec. Let's catch up for dinner tonight, okay?" I say still looking out the window.

"Of course. Bye guys." Alec says and I hear the door shut.

"Before you say anything Jace. I thought I could trust you. The thing about trust is when someone trusts you it has to go the other way too. Thanks for the breakfast but I think you should go." Jace doesn't say anything just walks out the door. I don't know how long I was there staring out the window at the rain falling-Why does it ran in summer?!- but I just cried and sat.

* * *

I slip on a jumper and a pair of jeans and tie my hair up in a low bun. I slip my converses on and make my way out the door. I walk down stairs to the lunch room and see Alec sitting at a table. I walk over and take a seat.

"Hey Clary... You hungry?" Alec asks sipping his coffee.

"No. I'm fine. No drink either." I reply slumping into my chair. Alec nods and watches me.

"Clary. I want to apologize for how I behaved. There was no reason to be like that to you when you're having a tough time. I'm sorry." He says.

"Alec. My mom committed suicide last summer and last night-she called last night. She is still alive."

"Oh my god Clary. That's... crazy." Alec says reaching for my hand.

"Yeah. But it doesn't matter. Let's go do something fun." I say getting up.

"Like?"

"I don't know."

"Clary you should talk to Izzy." Alec says still sitting.

"That's no fun." I sigh.

"Come on. She wants to say sorry."

"Great." Alec stands up and leads me out of the hall. "Let me guess. She is in the bathroom." I say looking at him.

"You know it. Now go talk to her. Hey. You're scar looks better." I roll my eyes and walk into the bathroom and of course Izzy is standing there in a short skirt and tank top applying lipstick.

"Hey Clary." She says turning to look at me.

"Hey."

"Okay. Clary I'm sorry I was being a bitch. I want to tell you now because I've been accepted into a different school so I'm moving." She says with a sad/happy look in her eyes.

"Oh... good luck at your new school."

"Thank you Clary. I'll miss you." Izzy says hugging me.

"I'll miss you too." I say as she walks out the bathroom. I think she's still a little bit pissed. I walk out after her and shrug at Alec.

"Did she tell you?" Alec asks as I lead him to my room.

"Yeah."

"We're we going?" Alec asks as we walk up the stairs.

"To my room. Movie night." I Push open the stair doors. I pass 217. "Hold on for a sec." I say turning around and pounding on Sebastian's door.

"Clary?" Sebastian says opening the door.

"Hey! Guess what Sebastian!" I yell pulling a fake happy face.

"What?"

"SHOVE A STICK UP YOUR ASS YOU PRICK!" I yell at him and put the middle finger up walking away. I hear a grunt and then a door slam so I lower my hand.

"Are you drunk?" Alec asks laughing.

"No. Why?"

"You're acting different."

"Well, I'm pissed and just over whelmed." I yank open my door. "Just something has turned on inside me. Everything is wrong at the moment and I'm just like 'you know what I don't care.' I'm not going to let the accident ruin me." But I'm not sure I believe that myself,

"Well. That's good. Very positive of you." He says smiling, taking a seat on my bed.

"What movie?" I say squatting to look at the movies.

"You choose."


	5. Meeting and Losing

**Wow! You have no idea how amazing it was to wake up this morning to find that 268 people have read my story! 268! That's insane! I can't believe 268 people have bothered to read my story! On top of that 7 people are now following this story and 2 people have favourited it! Also, I now have 2 reviews! Now that isn't a lot compared to other stories but things like this doesn't happen to people like me and it's seriously bazar! Thank you guys so much! You have made my day! I have one request and I hope you don't mind me asking:** **it would mean a lot to me if you left reviews! I would just love to hear what you think of the story so far! I hope you enjoy this chapter! **

**Warning: There is drug use in this chapter and in no way do I advise you too do drugs. Don't do drugs kids, stay in school.**

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the rights to The Mortal Instruments and the characters.**

* * *

"Hello excuse me. My names Magnus Bane and don't worry I am gay. Can you help me? I just came to this school." This guy name Magnus introduces himself. I smile at him and come up with a brilliant idea.

"Of course! My name's Clary. I love the colors and the glitter. Follow me." I say walking to the stairs.

"Where we going?" Magnus asks completely confused.

"What is your room number?" I say climbing the steps.

"219"

"Okay. Before we go there though. I want you to meet someone." I say opening the door to the second floor.

"Okay..." I go through the hall and point out Magnus's room. Then I stop at my room. After Alec finished watching the movie he stayed the night. I pull my phone out my pocket and message Alec.

_*Do you look presentable? I have someone I want you to meet.*_ I hear the phone go off inside and there typing.

_*Yes.*_ I slam open the door and smile at Alec sitting on the chair reading a book.

"Good! Now Alec meet Magnus." I say pushing Magnus forward. "Well I better be off. Now Alec. You help Magnus with settling into this place. He is new." I wink and walk out the door laughing to myself. As soon as I meet Alec I could tell he was gay. He wasn't open about it though. Doesn't matter. I think they will be perfect for each other. I walk down the hall and see Jace at Sebastian's door. I quickly duck behind a pole to listen in.

"Hello. Who are you?" Sebastian snarls.

"Jace." Jace replies with a smirk on his face. What is he up too?

"I remember you! I told you what happened with Clary."

"Which is all bullshit may I add."

"Excuse me?"

"B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T" Jace spells out.

"No it's not. It actually happened."

"Oh I'm sorry that I choose to believe Clary over you. And I know for a fact that Clary wouldn't lie."

"How do you know that?"

"I also know Alec wouldn't lie."

"Alec told you."

"That your story is bullshit. Yes."

"Why are you here?"

"Oh.. I'm sorry. I came here to say something and possibly do something. Now, don't sell Clary any Vodka. Also, this." Jace punches Sebastian in the face. Woah okay that's not good. They are doing this because of me. I need to step in. I raise up and see Sebastian punch Jace. I quickly run over and punch Sebastian in the face.

"Don't touch him!" I yell and yank Jace away from the door.

* * *

"I'm not sure if I should be happy or angry or worried?" Jace says sitting across from me.

"Explain what you mean." I say biting into my sandwich.

"Well, happy because of what you did. Angry because of ears dropping or worried because you punched Sebastian."

"Well you should be happy and I'm sorry I got suspicious when I saw you at his door. Plus it was good to give Sebastian a taste of his own medicine."

"So I heard of your killer punch Clary. You have really changed." Alec says joining me on the seat.

"I think I have to thank Jace for that. He changed me by doing nothing." I say laughing while Jace smirks. "So you and Magnus?" I say shoving Alec. He goes red in the face. "What's the relationship status?"

"I don't know." Alec says looking at his feet.

"But there was a connection?" I say smiling at Alec.

"Get your head out of the gutter! Not physical!" He says shoving me. "But yes I believe we did make a connection." I start laughing.

"Well, good for you!" I shout hugging him.

"Yeah. Good job, bro." Jace adds in nodding.

"Listen, I'm going to out you want to come?" Alec asks as I shake my head. "Jace?"

"No. I need to talk to Clary." Jace says not looking at me.

"Okay. Be gentle. BYE!" Alec yells jogging off.

"What is it Jace?" I ask narrowing my eyes at Jace.

"I'm worried." He says finally making eye contact.

"It was okay that I punched him though!" I say chucking my hands in the air.

"No not that!" He says getting up and pacing around.

"What is it then?"

"Has your mum called you?" Jace abruptly stops in front of me and has a sad look in his eyes.

"No... Jace please..." I say watching him watch me.

"Give me your phone." Jace says with his hand out-stretched.

"No Jace."

"Give me the phone!" He yells at me. I shake my head and cross my arms. "Fine." He turns to leave but quickly swirls back and grabs my bag. I jump up forgetting the about the sandwiches. But Jace is already running down the path. I scream in frustration and punch the pole. We were having a nice lunch but look what happened! He ruined it! I run down the path with tears in my eyes. Am I over reacting? No! He is calling my Mum! He is not allowed to that.

"WHAT THE HELL JACE!" I yell running towards the elevator.

* * *

I swallow the Vodka quickly. Gulping down every last drop. I was out. That took 2 minutes to finish. I open the fridge and get out a second bottle. I feel so... different. I must be drunk already. I mean the pain is gone.

"This won't be enough." I say slamming the bottle back into the fridge. I stumble down the hall to 209. "ADAM!" I yell pounding on the door. The door is flung open straight away.

"Can I help you?" He asks with red eyes and smoke surrounding the inside.

"I need pills... the... dep-depress. WHAT EVER IT'S CALLED PRONTO!" I scream at the last part. I think I'm slurring and I can't think straight.

"It costs $80." He says grabbing the supplies from his draw inside.

"That's fine. I just need something." I say taking out the $80. I'm so close to being broke. He takes the money and hands me the supplies. He slams the door in my face. I giggle and stumble back to my room. I open the door and open the windows. "Oops!" I say giggling and stand to shut the door. I walk back to the window and sit on the ledge. And I pop open the lid to the orange and white container, taking only one tablet. I look out the window and to the ground. "VALENTINE! LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME!" I screech to the sky. "REMEMBER WHEN YOU DID THIS TO ME!" I point up to the sky like he is dead and lean forward. I hear the door open. That only makes it better to fall. So I do. I fall and hear Alec scream from above as I fall down like I have before. Wanting it to end. The same felling of air rushing around me. Except this time I did it to myself. What have I done? Then I feel the impact but only briefly before I pass out.

* * *

**One quick question to everyone reading. What day would you like me to update? Once a week or twice? I like how people have a update day where they post another chapter to there story so I thought I would do that. I just don't know when. :/ let me know in the reviews please! And I hope you don't mind seeing the soft side of Jace! **


	6. The Aftermath

**WELCOME BACK! I have made a decision with the help of '**_firequeen8569_**'. So defiantly go check her out because she has been great support! I will be posting a new chapter every Tuesday and Saturday! Twice a week! YAY! I am seriously so thankful for everyone who has at least looked at the story because the story has over 300 views! I have got 10 followers for this story, 3 reviews and 4 favorites! I love you guys so much for making my life better! Anyway, here is the new chapter! I hope you like it! Make sure to leave your review! And sorry for the short chapter. I just have big plans for the next couple of chapters.**

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the characters and The Mortal Instruments.**

* * *

"It's truly a miracle that you survived and a miracle again that you only have a bruises and cuts. You really should of had a broken neck or in a wheelchair. You're extremely lucky. It was like you have gone through that before so your body was sort of adapted to it." The doctor explained. I place my hand on my arm where a cut is covered in stitches.

"I have fallen out of a window before. When am I allowed out?"

"Today darling. But you are to be watched carefully." She says.

"Am I going back to school? Or.. home?" I gulp.

"School, darling. You have 3 months then come back for another checkup but just make sure you take care okay."

"Of course. Thank you."

"Just one more thing before you leave. I don't believe that you fell out the window. With the way you landed. What happened?" She asks at the door.

"I leaned out and fell." I say crying.

"Purposely wasn't it?" She says with a sad look in her eyes. I nod and look down at my bed.

"My intentions was not to die though. I don't understand what happened really." It's not completely a lie.

"Maybe the pills and alcohol influenced you. You need to stop." She says signing me out.

"I will." I say getting up grabbing my bag. She smiles at me and waves me goodbye. I thank her and walk out the building to be welcomed by Jaces warm embrace.

* * *

I stare out the window watching the rain fall.

"Clary. I can't believe you tried to kill yourself..." Jace barely whispered after 10 minutes of uncomfortably silence in the car.

"I didn't mean it it..." I say turning the radio down.

"How could you not mean it?!" He clutched the steering wheel tight.

"I'm serious! I just.. lost control!" I say turning to face him.

"Lost control! Clary! How?!" He doesn't look at me but watches the road.

"I get lost in my thoughts! Okay! I'm sorry okay! I blank out and lose myself! HECK! I took drugs Jace! I would never take drugs! I lost it completely! I remember it but it feels like it wasn't me! I don't want to talk about it!" He sighs deeply and pulls off the road. "Wha-"

"Clary... Why did you do it? You could have died. You would have left everything behind." He says turning his attention to me.

"Left what and who?"

"Alec! Magnus! Isabelle! Everyone Clary."

"It would have been a shame if I left Sebastian and Valentine." I say picking up my bag.

"Clary! Where are you going?"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! DON'T YOU GET THAT JACE! I AM MESSED UP IN SO MANY WAYS IT'S UNCOUNTABLE! IT HURTS EVERYDAY! GETTING OUT OF BED IS TERRIBLE! I'M NOT EVEN EXAGERATION WHEN I SAY I HAVE TO FIGHT MYSELF NOT TO JUMP OUT THAT WINDOW AS WELL! I do have people like you that makes it easier. But the pain at the moment has gotten worse. To the point that going out the window was like choosing chocolate over Brussel sprouts. It has gotten to the point where everywhere I look, I see pain. I see Valentine. I see everything that haunts me. The voices are whispering to me more often. I hear them but I can't even fathom what they are saying. It feels like the part of my willingness that remains is slipping away. Jace. I feel like I'm dead living in an alive body. That is what pains me. That's why, in the drunk and high state I was in, I went out that window without hesitation. Because I lost it." I finish getting out the car. I feel the rain pour on me and I allow the tears to burst out as I walk down the street. I don't hear the rumble of Jace starting his car but I'm okay with that because I just want to walk alone and in the rain. Away from the pain that ambushes me every day. I hear Jace slam the car door open.

"Clary!"

"Jace. No. I know you want me to come back and say whatever your head has thought of but I need this walk in the rain."

"You will get cold."

"Then get me a jacket. I'm just not getting back into that car nor am I talking to anyone for another half hour. I just poured my emotions out onto you. Isn't that enough?" I say snapping back around and continue to walk down the street.

"Hey Clary." Simon says taking a seat next to me on the window ledge.

"Hey Si. I'm sorry...so sorry" I say crying looking out the window.

"Hey, no. You did nothing. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know."

"Rant to me."

"I feel... like I've messed up. That I have caused people pain because of my actions. I am selfish and stupid. No one deserves to know someone who is so unstable that they wouldn't hesitate to go out the window. To be hurt. I'm done with the drama. I'm just constantly crying but I don't know what to do. Valentine ruined my life. But do you know the worst thing is that I let him. I let him get into my head and tear me to shreds. I let him get the best of me. I've lost it Si. I'm not the same Clary at all." I say hopping down from the ledge. I walk over to my sketchbook. I quickly sketch me, how I look now. I feel Simon's eyes on me. I tear out the drawing of me and show it to Simon. He looks at me confused. I open the window and take a deep breathe.

"Here lies Clary Fray. The broken girl. The one who let her Father get the best of her. Rest in Peace." I say throwing the tore up drawing of me.

"Rest in Peace broken Clary." Simon says hugging me. "How do you feel now?"

"Free." I say smiling.

* * *

I'm not going to lie, the stares from everyone is very annoying. Can't I just get lunch without people staring? I walk next to Simon careful not to open any stitches.

"Clary?" Says a small voice from behind me. I swing around and it's none other than my mum.

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**I was asked in a PM if I had a blog. I do! If you guys are interested in checking it out, it's on BlogSpot and it's called 'Mirzsbookworld'. ****I do book tags, book reviews and random things. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER. Next update will be on Saturday.**


	7. Mom's Back

**Wow guys! This story has gotten over 700 views in less then 3 days (I think it's been three). That is an insane number. Completely insane. I would like to thank the people who have been so supportive by leaving reviews **'_firequeen8569_ **and** _soundlessAngel_.' **It means a lot that you have been leaving reviews. Its been a huge confident boost and I can't wait to type more! I hope you are ready for this chapter and I hope you enjoy it! Make sure to leave your thoughts on this chapter in the reviews! I would love to hear what you are thinking of the story!**

_**Warning: This chapter contains adult themes in terms of violence.**_

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments and the characters.**

* * *

"Mum?" I say and a tear slides down my cheek. I feel Simon's hand on my arm.

"Clary. I've missed you." She says with a slight smile. She looks better than ever before. She doesn't have a worried expression planted on her face and she looks healthy.

"Why are you here?" I say taking a step back.

"I'm sorry." She says taking a step forward.

"Sorry? I really can't believe you."

"Clar-"

"You left me! You made me think you were dead! Do you have any idea how hard that is for me? To have no mother? To grow up with Valentine!" I say. Simon's arm tightens around my arm.

"Hey, how about we take this to your room Clary." Simon suggests. I nod and hobble to the elevator. The trip to my room is silent. I open the door and hold it open for Simon and Mum. Once they're inside I take a deep breath and slam the door shut. My mum, Jocelyn stands awkwardly and Simon sits on my bed. I shuffle over to the window still and slam open the window, climbing onto the window still.

"Clary!" Simon yells getting up.

"I'm not going to do it Simon." I say rolling my eyes. I always sit here. It's my favorite place to sit and thank. I don't want someone to always worry if I even go close to the damn thing.

"Do what?" Jocelyn says still standing.

"Oh yes! That's right! You died last summer!" I say laughing hysterically. "Well Jocelyn. Since you have been gone. I was moved here, jumped out this window and was hurt by your so called husband. Oh! And also dealing with the loss of my mum that is apparently all bullshit now. And you think you can just waltz into my life thinking it will all be okay? My life has been hell."

"Clary. Your life hasn't been hell. Mine has. I regret the day I left you. Valentine was losing it so I left. I'm living in the streets." She thinks her life has been bad. Please. She wouldn't know bad if it bit her in the ass. Now that she mentions it though she does look skinner.

"You think that's hell? Jocelyn... ARGH!" I say chucking a pillow at her. "MY LIFE HAS BEEN HELL! MAYBE I DID HAVE FOOD AND A PLACE TO STAY BUT I LOST A MUM! I WAS BEAT AND RAPED BY MY SO CALLED FATHER! I WAS THROWN OUT A WINDOW AND SLAMMED AGAINST A MIRROR! FOLLOWED BY BEING SENT AWAY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT ME! I WAS THEN RAPED AND BEATEN BY MY SO CALLED BOYFRIEND! BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART OF MY LIFE! I SAW VALENTINE KILL JON! I WATCHED IT! I SAW HIM DRAG A KNIFE THROUGH HIS HEART! I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD ANYONE THIS STUFF BECAUSE IT HAUNTS ME! I HEAR VOICES! I HAVE FLASHBACKS OF JON FALLING TO THE GROUND! FLASHBACKS OF VALENTINE BLAMING EVERYTHING ON ME! SO TELL ME JOCELYN THAT MY LIFE ISN'T HELL AND GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Clar-" Jocelyn starts.

"Spare me it! Now get out of here or I'll go myself!" I say walking to the door. Jocelyn starts crying and nods. I open the door and watch her walk out. I slam the door shut and stare at it for who knows what.

"My god Clary." Simon says pulling me into a hug.

"I'm a mess. I'm sorry Simon you were dragged into my life."

"Hey! Hey! Clary, no! I'm here now. I'm not leaving you, ever. Me being in your life is a blessing to me. I love you Clary and I will never leave you. I promise." Simon says as I sob into his shirt.

* * *

There is 2 knocks on the door. I hobble out of bed and to the door. I open it to see Jace and Alec standing there looking distraught.

"We heard everything Clary." Alec whispers. My face drops in surprise. I slam the door shut in there face.

"Clary?" Simon says behind me.

"Jace and Alec heard everything." I say dropping onto the bed.

"I'll go talk to them." Simon walks past me, patting my shoulder. I nod and burry my head in my hands. I hear the door open and close and the hushed whispers outside. I cry as everything from last night comes back to me. Can my life get any more complicated? Of course it can. I just need to wait for that to happen. Of course I'm not looking forward to it but what happens if it's the end. That after one more complicated thing will release me from this damned life of constant despair. And I know now what I want. I want a release. I can only think of one way to get that. But I can't do that, I want to but it will hurt everyone around me. I can't let Valentine win. I can't let him get the best of me. I won't let him. What can I do instead?

"Clary" That's the answer. After hearing one word from his voice, the pain deflates. I get a moment of peace from his voice. Making me forget that my life is damned and that there is blessings. There's Jace.

"Jace. Where is Alec and Simon?" I whisper turning around looking at his golden locks.

"They left. I asked to talk to you alone. I wanted to ask if you're okay but it's obvious that you wouldn't be." He takes a seat on the bed. I want to see if he is looking at me like an injured animal but I can't see his expression in the darkness so I just hope that he is looking at me like I'm strong, that I have been through hell and back and have survived. I don't need his pity. I need his encouraging words. To pull me further away from hell. I need him. I pat the space beside me and I feel the bed next to me dip. He fills the emptiness I constantly feel. His even breaths brings me into a somber sleep that holds no nightmares.

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**Man, I hate posting short chapters but the story will only work if I do it like this so I hope you don't mind! Shit is getting real in this story now. I hope you are enjoying the story, there's plenty more to come. I can't wait for you guys to read it. By the way, I noticed a lot of my views are American based and I'm not sure of the time difference but I live in Australia so I decided instead of having days, I was going to update when I can. I don't know how often that will be. Hopefully it will be often. That's what I'm planning anyway.**


	8. Finally Good?

**I'm so excited for the next chapters to come! I have huge plans that even surprised me so I'm hoping it will have the same effect on you guys! And as usual, I want to thank you guys for everything. I can't believe that 15 of you are leaving such nice comments. I have over 800 views now! Just... wow, thank you. I hope you like this chapter! I loved writing this one because it's building up for the next few chapters. Make sure to leave your thoughts in the reviews! **

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns The Mortal Instruments and the characters. **

* * *

I stand in front of the mirror. Smiling at myself and trying to raise one eyebrow. No matter how much I try, I can't do it. Either both of them rise or neither. I can't help but burst out laughing. I shake my head to the refection in the mirror. I'm laughing. Actually, generally laughing. But the best part is I'm able to still make myself laugh. It doesn't matter that my mum is alive or anything in the world that makes my world miserable. All that matters is moving forward. If that means forgiving people, then I will try. I don't want to but I need to move on. I can't dwell in the past forever. I need to improve my future. I need my new friends to make me forget the past and I need to take control of my life.

"Clary!" There is a banging at the door and the unforgettable voice of Alec. I smile at myself in the mirror again trying one last helpless attempt to raise one eyebrow and make my way to the door. At the corner of my eye, I see Jace stir. I guess he's awake now. I pull open the door with a smile,

"Alec." I step aside to let him in. He notices a blonde lump of mass on my bed and gives me a ONE EYEBROWED RAISED look! "Why can't I do that?!" I exclaim throwing my hands above my head. I take a seat on the edge of the bed and Jace finally gets up, looking around the room. His eyes finally land on Alec. He sort of jumps/rolls out of bed onto the floor. A loud thud fills the room and a very annoyed groan follows. I bite down on my lip in attempt to stop myself from laughing.

"Why are you so happy?" Jace groans standing up holding the side of his head.

"I would be happy if I could raise one eyebrow instead of both!" I yell again throwing my arms up.

"Why where you sleeping with my brother?" Alec asks sounding extremely grumpy. And judging from his stance, he must be. He has his arms crossed over his chest. I hear Jace groan from behind me.

"You saying it like that makes it sound worse." Jace stumbles over to the bathroom.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" I yell at him. I earn one of his smiles that makes me melt inside.

"Nothing." He says in a high pitched voice shutting the door. It's funny to see him in this state. Not really serious and confused. I can't help but laugh. In the corner of my eye, I see Alec shake his head.

"Alec!" A muffled yell comes from behind me and there is pounding on the wall. I turn my head around to Alec with my mouth open. He looks mortified and embarrassed.

"You." I jump up and dart towards the door. I can hear Alecs footsteps and protest behind me. I try the door handle on Alecs door and it opens without trouble. I quickly dart into the room so Alec can't stop me. As soon as I see a sleepy Magnus in Alecs bed, I fall over laughing.

"And you were yelling at me because Jace was in my room!" I say weakly because of the fits of laughter escaping from my mouth.

"Clary?" Magnus sits up and I see he has no top on. He sounds so groggy and his eyes are squinty trying to find me but because I'm on the floor, he can't see me. I laugh harder and my stomach hurts that I start to say 'ouch'. But I seriously can't stop laughing. "Can you grab me breakfast Alec baby?" Magnus says still slightly dazed. I don't know how much laughter I can take. It hurts so physically bad in my stomach, ribs and throat. I can't even see anything because my eyes are so blurry with tears from laughter but I can see Alecs bright red face clearly. I'm rolling on the floor laughing. If anyone comes into this room it will look so strange. I wipe my cheeks still laughing. I manage to sit up taking big breaths. I get to a reasonably calm state but then Jace rushes into the room. He is stunned for a couple of seconds, taking in the scene in front of him. Like me, his mouth is open wide. It takes only a couple of seconds for him to take in the scene in front of him. I could only imagine how weird it would look with a half-naked Magnus in Alecs bed, a bright red Alec and a fiery red head sitting on the floor trying to stop laughing but failing miserably. His mouth closes and he is expressionless for a few seconds until he bursts out laughing, he bends over, holding his stomach and that's all that it takes for me to lose it again.

"Not you too Jace." I hear Alec groan over the loud laughter coming from me and Jace.

"Jace?" Magnus asks still groggy from just waking up.

"I-I can't!" I manage to say through my laughter. I get up waving my hand at Alec and stumble out of his room past Jace into my room. I'm still laughing like mad. I fall onto my bed and not a second later I feel another body fall next to me laughing. Jace and I lie on the bed for who knows how long laughing. It's been the best morning I have ever had. But the fun and laughter is cut short to a loud pounding at the door. I tiptoe towards the door. Who would be pounding on the door? It wouldn't be Alec, he would call my name. Not Simon, he simply doesn't pound on the door. Is it Magnus? I look back at Jace when I reach the door who look just as confused as me. He stands up and with quick strides, comes behind me. I reach forward and slowly turn the door knob. The door flies open and he is standing there. He looks like he is ready to murder someone any second.

"Where is Jocelyn?!" Valentine roars, throwing his fist into the plaster wall, cracking it and leaving a dent.

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**OH MY GOD! :) :) I can't even believe what I just wrote. I'm so excited for the story! Hopefully you guys are too. Sorry it's short too. **


	9. Unwelcomed visits

**WHAT IS HAPPENING?! Yesterday everything shot up! The amount of reviews, favorites and followers is just crazy. Compared to other stories, it's not much but to me it's a lot! And I reached my goal of 1,000 views! YAY! Thank you so much guys! It's so weird and amazing that this is happening and it's truly mind blowing. As usual, I hope you enjoy this chapter and you guys are excited for the next chapters to come because I sure am! Make sure to leave your thoughts in the reviews! It's greatly appreciated when you guys do. **

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns The Mortal Instruments and the characters.**

* * *

"I- I don't know." I stutter backing away from Valentine. Why is he here?!

"I know you do! She came here!" He says following me inside.

"How-How did you know?" I bump into a solid mass and turn to see Jace standing there looking to Valentine then back to me.

"I was told! Now where is she Clary?!" He gets closer and closer by the second so I slip past Jace. He stays still looking between Valentine and me like he is trying to figure out if he is my father.

"I-I don't know. She came here then-then she left." I go around the table and Valentine stands on the other side. I look over at Jace for help and by the look he is giving Valentine I can tell he now knows he is a threat to me. He stands in a stance like he could pounce any second and he has his fists clenched. I know what he is doing. Valentine is too focused on me that he doesn't notice Jace is here. We have the element of surprise on our side. I need to keep it that way. Valentines breaths come out quick and short. I know he's angry but it's that type of angry that he shows no remorse. This is how he came home every night if he lost in some gambling game. That means I have to be careful, I need to be cautious of what I say and what I do. I need to keep him distracted. I need him to forget Jace is there and the main focus is for him to calm down.

"Where did she go?!" He yells again, plowing his fist into the wooden table. Surprisingly, it doesn't snap in half.

"I have no idea. She just left. Who told you she was here?" I flinch back as he raises his fist again and strikes the table. This time it does break in half. That's going to be expensive to fix.

"It doesn't matter who told me! What matters where she went! I need to know!" He looks around the room probably looking for something to break. He grabs a vase that sits on the drawers. He chucks it to the right of my head but misses. I quickly look to Jace who looks like he about to jump him, I shake my head and mouth 'wait'. Thankful he obliges. It's the element of surprise that will throw Valentine off his game. More than one surprise. How can I surprise him? I stand up straight, cross my arms and stare straight at Valentine. He looks a little thrown off as he straightens up as well. I muster up all the courage I can.

"Who told you?!" I scream back at him. That's the first time I have ever yelled back at him. But I will not allow Valentine to ruin my life. I won't let him take over it again. His eyes widen at my outburst and he looks momentarily confused. He shakes his head and makes a low growl in his throat. Then he lunges across the table. His hands connect to my throat. The force makes me smash against the wall, he pulls me up so I can't touch the ground. I can't breathe. He is strangling me. But just as quickly as it happens, it stops. I drop to the floor, holding my throat and sucking in breaths of air. It is all a blur. Blonde and white tumbling over each other, punching. Jace has pounced. Jace is big, strong and undeniably fast. There is no doubt that he could take someone out quickly but this is my father. He is vicious and greedy. He will do anything to make things go his way. I curse and run around the two men fighting. I sprint the short distance to Alecs room next door and pound on the door franticly. The door opens and I nearly punch Alec in the face, going to knock on the door again.

"Clary?" He asks looking at my desperate look.

"Jace and my dad, fighting." My throat is still sore and my voice is horse. Alec curses and runs into my room with his eyes wide. I see Magnus standing in the middle of the room.

"Get campus security." The words come out rushed and urgent. He speedily rushes out the door and down the hall. I don't know if he knows where to look for the security guards but it's the best chance I've got for Valentine to be removed from my room. I rush back into my room to see Valentine standing near the door. His body raises and falls with each angry breath. Alec has a bruised and bloody Jace pushed against the wall. I look around the room, tears form in my eyes. Everything is ruined. Even the bed is broken.

"Get out Valentine." My voice is unrecognizable. It comes out small but fierce and I can't believe it's me talking. Valentine swerves around looking at me. He has more bruises on his face then Jace but less cuts.

"What did you say?" He questions coming closer to me. He looks even angrier than before and this voice is harsh and it's full of venom. I hear heavy footstep from behind me and relax a little.

"Campus security. We have to ask you to leave sir." A big man with a bald head says from the open door way. Magnus stands behind them probably searching for Alec. I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding. The security guy walks over to Valentine and grabs both his wrists. Valentine being Valentine, tries to wrestle the guy but he fails for once. He is dragged out of my apartment by the wrists. Once Valentine is gone, I break down crying. This is too much to handle. I feel Alecs arms wrap around me and I listen to my sobs and Jaces heavy breathing. Jace strides past me and Alec crouched on the floor and slams the door shut.

"Jace" I say but my voice can't reach above a whisper.

"He will be fine." Alec whispers into my ear.

"He's hurt. I need to help him." I say and try to stand up to follow Jace but Alec won't let me up.

"He can take care of himself Clary." I can hear in his voice that he doesn't believe it at all. I reach out my hand and touch Magnus. He was couched next to us. He gives me a small smile. I give him a small nod that says thank you. The door opens again and Simon rushes in. He couches down in front of me, also wrapping his arms around me. Just seeing Simon sends me into another fit of sobs.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here Clary." He says rubbing my back.

"How did you know?" I whisper to him, wiping my eyes in hopes to stop the flow of tears cascading down my face.

"Jace came to my room."

"Why?"

"He told me what happened and said you needed me to be here. So I came."

"Did he tell you where he was going?"

"He said the nurse then the gym."

"Did he look really hurt?"

"No. Just bruises and cuts. He was crying though. His eyes where all puffy and red." I burry my head into Alecs shoulder and cry some more.

"I'm sorry guys for bring you in this." I say in between sobs. Simon tells me to stop apologizing and rubs my hair soothingly until I finally stop crying. I look up at Simon again. "Where am I going to sleep?" Simon breaks out into a smile and I feel Alec laugh. I join in because there is nothing else to do but cry. And I'm done crying. But I know, that this isn't the last time I'm going to cry.

* * *

**Well, this is going to be fun to write in the next chapters! I seriously can't wait! I will post them as often as possible! I start school next Thursday so if I start to slack off, it's because of that reason. But I'm hopeful that I will be able to keep it up. I hope you like the chapter!**


	10. Slapped by reality

**Well... I seriously can't wait for you guys to read the chapters coming up, that's when the real fun starts! I hope it lives up to your expectations and you love it as much as I do. I am so excited! And I also hope you like how I am posting daily. I think I should be able to continue updating daily, even when school starts! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story and make sure to leave your thoughts in the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns The Mortal Instruments and the characters.**

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"He isn't allowed on Campus anymore and has been reported to the police." The principal says and I nod my head and try not to cry. "He has requested to see you." At those words, my attempt to not cry goes down the drain. She reaches over the table and rubs my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I say weakly, running the heel of my hand over my eyes and cheeks.

"No, it's fine. After the show he put on, I don't blame you for crying." She doesn't understand. She doesn't understand that he is worst. That he has done worst. He has hurt me, he has killed Jon and he has drove Jocelyn away. Mum. He's going after her. I need to tell her. I practically hate her for leaving me but will I let him get what he wants? I mean Jace got hurt, should I let Mom sacrifice herself for them? "You may go Clary. Thank you for coming in." She hands me a tissue and guides me out the door. I casually walk outside the main building, like any other day. I sit down under the tree and tug my hair. I want to rip it out. My life is turning to shit and I can't deal with it. How am I meant to? How am I meant to protect people from him? I can't. I do the next best thing, I scream. Despite the ache from Valentine strangling me, I scream until I'm out of breath then I break down in tears. I don't want this life. I want any life but this. I want to stop crying. I want to disappear and pretend that this life isn't mine. That I'm a bystander to a movie that's messed up. But I'm not a bystander, I'm the main character and I can't do anything to fix the problem like in nearly every book and movie. Why isn't there a real book? A book that says it like it is. That there isn't always a happy ending but a huge mass of disappointments and pain until there is no more will left to keep going. There is a soft thud next to me. I look up to see Jace and his golden hair. His face has bruises but I'm glad there is more skin showing then bruises. He just stares at me, with his golden eyes. I look back down letting my hair curtain around me. I don't want to look at his bruises, I caused them. It's my fault he is hurt.

"It's not your fault." Jaces voice is low and soft. How did he know I was think that? "I know what you're thinking. But you're wrong."

"If I didn't drag you into this, you wouldn't be hurt." I whisper. He pulls my face up to look at him.

"I'm not hurt Clary. This" He gestures to his face. "doesn't hurt and they will go away and I will look as beautiful as usual." I chuckle slightly at that. "The only way he hurt me was by hurting you and don't think that it's your fault." How does he know what I'm thinking?

"I didn't want anyone to get hurt. He is my father, he is only supposed to hurt me." I say raising my hands in defeat. He's winning. I keep denying it but he will always win. He will always find a way to hurt me and break me. He will do it till the day I die.

"I won't allow that. I will fight him over and over if that means he won't hurt you." He takes my hand and puts it into his. If I wasn't in this situation now, my heart would be going 100 mph and feel warm but I can't. It's like Valentine is pushing away everything from me. Like he has this sick idea that the only way to protect me is too push everything away. I can't figure him out and I wish he would just leave me alone. I agreed to go here to escape him. Now he's coming here. Now he's hurting people. I should have just stayed home with him and none of this would have happened. I shake my head not wanting to believe that pain and hurt follows me everywhere I go.

"I'm still mad at you. For stealing my phone and calling my mom. That was so bad Jace. But right now, I have bigger things to worry about. I forgive you, even though I will be mad. Just don't do it again." He nods his head and I know he understands, he can read me like an open book. "Why is my life so messed up?!" I shout and start to cry again. Jace wraps his arms around me. I feel the warmth radiate off him and even in this messed up situation, I manage to be slightly happy.

"You have us Clary. Me, Simon, Alec and Magnus. We are here for you. No matter what happens. We would be happy if you drag us into any mess if that means you will make it out okay." He says into my hair. I close my eyes and lean into his chest. I reply those words in my head. Am I going to accept that? I know they don't mind getting hurt for me. That scares me. I don't want them getting hurt. I can't drag them into this but something tells me I won't have a choice and they will follow me into these battles anyway. These are my friends. They will stick by me even in the face of danger. I don't know what to do! Should I let them be there for me or let them go? I know for sure that keeping them safe is the main priority. Valentine killed his own son. He won't hesitate to kill someone he doesn't know. I groan in frustration. I can't decide what to do. I know I should keep them out. But I need them and I just get this feeling they won't leave no matter how much I push and push. Jace starts to get up. I stand up too and the sight in front of me nearly makes me collapse against a tree.

"Sebastian?" I ask the limping boy. He is covered in blood and new bruises. He is barely able to walk. Jace races over and supports him over to the tree. Why would he help him? He punched him for me. That isn't important. I crouch in front of Sebastian. Despite the fact that I'm happy to see him hurt. I can't imagine who would do that to him. "What happened?" He is crying and holding his arm that has blood trickling down it.

"Someone jumped me." He says shifting his body to get in a better position.

"Who?" I say. But I know. I don't know how I know. But I know it was Sebastian who told him Jocelyn was here and I know this is a message to me. He's telling me to find mum or he will do this to my friends. He know that my biggest fear is someone getting hurt because of me.

"It was Valentine." I stand up and storm through the doors of the main building. I hear the rushed footsteps of Jace behind me.

"Clary!" He grabs my arm making me stop walking. I want to cry but I'm too angry.

"He has controlled my life ever since I was born. He has caused me pain that I can never escape. Now he is going to hurt people because I can't find mom. I won't allow that. If he is going to bring me down, I'm bringing him down with me. And you, Simon, Alec and Magnus need to stay out of it. If one of you guys get hurt. It will break me." I say yanking my arms out of his grip. I storm off and this time he doesn't follow.

"Don't shut us out!" He yells after me. I pause mid stride.

"I will bloody do what I want!" I shout behind my shoulder and continue down the hall to the stairs. I don't know what to do. I don't know where he is. I do know he wants Jocelyn and I'm willing to give her up if that means saving Simon, Alec and Magnus. If it means saving Jace, I will do it. And I'm not going to go easy on him. I'm going to torture him like he did with me. I won't give him the pleasure of being arrested and then thrown in jail. I'm going to make his life miserable. Like he did with mine. I will get the courage from knowing that I am saving their lives. I pull out my phone and punch the numbers into the phone.

"Hello? Clary?" Jocelyn voices come from the other end of the phone.

"Where are you?" I say pushing the anger down. I can't blow yet.

"Why? Do you-"

"Where the bloody hell are you Jocelyn?!" I spit into the phone. I grab the photo frame of Jocelyn and me when I was 2 from under the bed and smash it against the broken headboard.

"What's happening? Are you alright?" She asks like she has the bloody right to act like my mom. She doesn't. She never will. I don't care.

"I'm not alright! Your prick of a husband just beat up someone from my school because he wants me to find you! Now tell me where you are because you are going to see him!" I demand into the phone, pulling my hair again. I'm going to regret that later.

"Clary no. I'm your mother, you wouldn't drag me back to him." She sounds desperate.

"Then you don't know me at all. Get here now because if you don't I will drag you by the hair to him." I manage to lower my voice, to make it sound more intimidating and serious.

"But I'm your mother." She says again. I can hear her crying.

"Like hell you are!" I spit, hanging up. I would kill for a flip phone right now. I just want that satisfying smash of the phone when you slam it shut. But I can't smash this phone. It was expensive as hell. My phone rings again.

"What?!" I yell into the phone. I can hear her sobbing.

"Please Clary. Don't make me go!" She is full on crying and pleading.

"Get your ass down here now you selfish bitch."

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**So, what did you think of that chapter?! And it's longer then usual! The story is starting to go into the main plot and now the fun begins. I hope you liked that chapter. I like this one a lot personally. It shows the feisty side of Clary. :)**


	11. Making Deals

**Welcome to the 11th chapter! I hope you guys are liking this story so far! I'm currently typing the next few chapters. If you guys are confused about Clary's behavior, make sure to read the authors note at the end of this chapter and make sure to leave a review!**

**Disclaimer: Cassandra owns the Mortal Instruments and the characters.**

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I pace the floor in the main building. Was that the right thing to do? NO! I can't believe how I am acting?! I called my mom a selfish bitch! But the bad thing is, I don't feel as guilty as I should. I don't know how to act. I don't like her. I don't want her here and if I play this big and tough act, then maybe she will leave me. But is that really who I am? Am I mean like that? But in that moment, I was just angry. My emotions are everywhere! I can't think straight. I want to be mean and angry but I have this tendency to be weak and a coward. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm making the wrong decisions. I shouldn't have been how I was yesterday, I was so rude and mean. I was only thinking of myself. I was overrun by a rage, not at just Valentine but at myself and the only way I could release it was on her and Jace. I hope they forgive me. I can't control my emotions, they are huge bundle at the moment and when one slips out, I can't get out of that emotion, and it's like a trance. This is what has happened to me. He is literally controlling all of me. I don't want to be mean. But do I have a choice? If I'm going to make it out of this, I feel like that's the only option. I mean Valentine was mean and rude and look where he is. He is winning. No! I won't be Valentine. I scream again and tug my hair. What am I going to do? The emotional damage right now is out of control. So am I. But being mean was sort of fun.

"Welcome back." I say in the main building's lobby. A pale, puffy eyed and shaking Jocelyn walks into the building. She looks at me with her lip trembling. "Look at you." She looks like a complete mess.

"Clar-"She walks towards me with this pleading look.

"You are a mess. You don't even know what he wants with you." She stops walking towards me when I take a few steps back.

"I have a good idea but I'm more upset with you willing to turn me in to him. We both know how bad he can be." She doesn't know half of it. "Don't do this. If you do" She takes a big breath and straightens up. "you've killed me."

"Don't play the guilty card with me. I don't care what he does with you. I care what he does to the innocent people here." The regret is washing through me. I just need to prove to myself I can be strong. I can start by showing where mom stands in my life. But she is over exaggerating. He wouldn't kill her. He loves her.

"I'm your mom though! Your family!" She says taking a seat on a couch. I noticed her knees tremble. I feel guilty. So guilty. But I have to do this.

"You are not my mom!" I walk up to her with a guilty face, showing that I don't believe every word coming out of my mouth. "You never will be. You have done nothing to be a mother to me. I'm just unfortunate enough to have your blood run in my veins. But I choose them over you." The regret is like a knife. Plunging in and out.

"Who's them?!" She is screaming now. I can see in her eyes that she is petrified.

"My friends. They are the ones who have been here. They have listened, defended and took care of me." I take a step back. I sit in the chair opposite of Jocelyn. I don't know where this courage is coming from. It's just there. Brewing inside me. "Doesn't that sound familiar?"

"Clar-"I can feel myself slipping again. The anger is taking over.

"Oh yes it does! It's what a mother does for her children. I don't care what Valentine wants with you." Yes I do. I just can't let my guilt take over me. I need to save my friends. But I'm losing control on my emotion again. They don't need to be involved in this. It's not their war to fight. "Because I have people here who have been more of a mom to me then you have ever been. You aren't my mom. You are just some person that is unfortunately related to me." I regret most of those words. They speak the truth though. I just promised myself that I wouldn't allow Valentine to hurt anyone else. But Jocelyn will have to take one for the team. She's my mother, she should do things like this for me to keep me safe. "If you even cared a tiny bit for me, your only daughter, you will do this. To protect me because I'm not letting my friends get hurt." She looks at me like I've grown a second head, blinking rapidly. "Do this for me. Do this for all the innocent people at this school. Take one for the team. You ran away from me once. Make up for that. Show me you're strong. Prove every negative thought I have had about you wrong."

"About what?" She finally speaks up, still looking at me like I've grown a second head.

"That you are not a selfish bitch. That you aren't the weakest woman I have ever meet. Prove to me that you actually care. That a cell in your body can think about someone else other than yourself." Where did that come from?

"I do think of others!" she whines, finally out of her daze.

"If you do think of others, think of all the kids here that Valentine will hurt if you don't go see him."

"What will he do?" She whispers looking down like she is ashamed. She should be.

"Let me show you."

"Sebastian, this is my mom Jocelyn." We are in the nurse's office right now. It smells like… bleach?

I can't place the smell. Jocelyn gasps from beside me. I roll my eyes at her. "Do feel so sorry for him. The bastard deserved it." I hear Sebastian hiss from the bed and childishly, I stick my tongue out at him. See, I'm acting out again. Keep your emotions under control.

"Clary! Don't be rude!" She's acting like she is my mom. I point to Sebastian.

"He is the one who called Valentine, telling him you came here. He's the abusive boyfriend I had as well. Nothing that happens to him will make me feel a hint of sympathy towards him." I sought of mean it too. I don't really feel sorry. It makes me happy to see him experience the pain I felt for as long as we are dating. Jocelyn's soft and sorry face is taken over by a look of disgust. Despite how much I don't like her, I feel proud that she is being supportive. It's a step forward to her agreeing.

"Well, maybe he did deserve it then." She spits out as she turns on her heels and storms out the room. I am taken back but I still smirk at Sebastian and walk out behind her, letting the door slam. She is leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the doors. "Did he hurt anyone else?" She looks concerned. I feel like yelling at her saying he hurt me but she is making a huge effort to care at the moment. I nod and throw my head in the direction of the stairs to go to the rooms. I haven't seen Jace since this morning but I know where I can find him. My fingers are crossed that he is in his room with Alec. I wonder if Magnus will be there. I climb the stairs quickly and knock on Alec's door. He opens it the second I knock. It was like he was expecting me. His face shows a moment of panic but is replaced with happiness.

"Clary." He nods and smiles at me. He throws quick glances at Jocelyn as he steps aside to let us in. I walk in to see Jace sitting on his bed with a book in his lap. His face looks a lot better than before. There are still bruises and cuts but they aren't as prominent. He hears us enter and he smiles at me, closing his book. He looks at Jocelyn only briefly before turning his eyes back to me. I scan the room but there is no signs of Magnus. Jace and Alec comes to stand next to me. Jace is on the left and Alec is on the right. It's like I have my own personal body guards. Jocelyn stands in front of us, looking at Jace and Alec then back to me. I can help but notice the gleam in her eyes that looks like recognition.

"As you can see Jocelyn. This is what Valentine is doing to my friends." I gesture to Jace and I shot him an apologetic glance but he winks and faces Jocelyn, keeping his chin high. "Poor Alec here," I gesture to Alec that glares at Jocelyn. I love how protective they both are. "had to break them up." I look back to Jocelyn, giving her a look that says 'try and mess with me'. "What are you going to do Jocelyn?" I say harshly. She shakes her head and she looks lost for words. I need intimidation right now if she is going to come.

"You can't make me choose." She looks desperate again.

"Choose Jocelyn or I will choose for you." I threaten crossing my arms to keep the scary act up. She sighs.

"Fine." I break out into a smile. "On one condition though." Never mind that, the smile is gone now.

"What?" I eye her skeptically.

"You're coming with me."

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**A review yesterday brought my attention to Clary's behavior. And yes, she isn't acting like herself but that is because she is so traumatized that controlling her emotions is difficult. So please keep in mind that she may go OOC in some parts and maybe even chapters but the only way I can explain why she is like that, is that she can lose control. She is more messed up then she realizes. She just hasn't figured that out yet. ;) I hope in this chapter that it was explained. Sorry If anyone was confused! I hope you liked this chapter.**


	12. Unknown Secrets

**Yay! Another chapter! I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Anyway, I have over 2,000 views now! Thank you! I hope you enjoy this chapter and make sure to leave a review!**

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns The Mortal Instruments and the characters.**

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The walk to the back alley that Valentine directed to is long and painfully quite. And that's a bad thing because I'm left to my own thoughts. I keep replaying the conversations I had with Alec, Simon, Magnus and Jace about them not being able to come. Thankfully, they eventually agreed that I could go alone after a lot of bickering back and forth. I don't blame them wanting to protecting me. Its Valentine we are talking about and after what they saw what happened with him beating up Sebastian and Jace and him coming in my room and threating me, I even want to protect myself. I knew it was going to be hard to convince them not to come. I just said that I didn't want them getting hurt and Jocelyn is coming with me. He wants Jocelyn so he won't hurt me. He's getting what he wants. But I know that wasn't necessarily true. He does what he wants whether I do something for him or not. I just hope that mom will be able to keep him under control. I'm obviously worried about that but what is on my mind right now is how Jace reacted when I said I would go. He offered to go like all the others but after one attempt, he stopped. I don't know what made him like that. He is usually protective. He fought with Valentine for heaven's sake. That was for me. To keep me safe but now he is fine with me seeing him again. Is it because mom is coming with me? Does he think that she can protect me? I don't know why he would think that considering she exited my life for so many years, failing to protect me from the wrath of Valentine. Have I done something wrong? If someone should be mad, it would be me. He called my mom in the first place. I don't know what he said but I can't imagine it was like 'Hey Clary's mom. I'm Jace, it's a pleasure to meet you but don't come here'. I shouldn't be worrying about this though. I should worry what Valentine is going to do and say. I don't even think he would expect that I am going to be there. Is he going to get mad and lash out at me? I'm not safe there. Frankly, I'm not safe anywhere. I should not worry about what will happen to me. What hasn't happened me? I have been through nearly everything. There is nothing Valentine can do that he hasn't already done to me. I need to focus on keeping the people I care about safe. I need focus on keeping him away from me and them. They don't deserve this. Being included into this life. My damned life but they refuse to leave it. I want them too. As bad as this sounds, I'm glad Isabelle left. She is stubborn and if she was in my room when Valentine was there, she would have argued and protected me with no common sense until she was unconscious. At least I'm able to keep someone safe.

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We turn into the dark alley, Jocelyn looks down at me and in the darkness I can see her give me a nod. She squeezes my hand and somehow it gives me courage. It reminds me why I am here other than my Jocelyn forcing me. I will be strong to keep them safe. I will do anything to keep Valentine away from them.

"Ready?" I can hear the worry behind her voice and her shaking but I can't deny how strong she is being. She is being dragged back to the one person that drove her away. That takes more courage than me coming. I want to tell her not to act like my mom but she is doing this for me, I think anyway. I need to be a least a little bit nice. I hear the click of boots as Valentine emerges from the shadow. I don't know if I expected that there will be other people with him but no one is. It's him against me and mom.

"Jocelyn" He says in a dreamy voice that holds a harshness behind it. His eyes look at me in the darkness. "And Clary." He spits out my name like it's a disease. I narrow my eyes at him. He is a shadowed figure in the darkness. I guess it was a bad idea to come and meet him at night in a dark alley but I'm trying to not upset him or make him angry.

"Valentine" Jocelyn replies back to him. Her voice is firm unlike her body that is trembling. I can't help but feel bad.

"Why did you bring Clary with you?" He holds a harsh yet calm dilemma on. I know that at this rate, he will burst out in anger very soon.

"I said I would come on one condition. That was to bring Clary and she isn't leaving." I can feel his stare on me. It cuts through me like millions of tiny knives. I can't help but shiver.

"Well I guess she isn't young now. It will be good for her to know" Good for me to know what?

"Valentine. Stop. It won't do any good for her." Jocelyn looks angry at him. What is so important that I can't know?

"This isn't about her! This is about us! She needs to know that her life hasn't been all true." Valentines voice rises. Am I adopted? I have no idea why that is my first thought but it makes sense sort of. I've never fit in before in my family.

"What are you implying? I'm adopted?" At this point I wouldn't be mad if I was adopted. I least I would know that Valentines sick blood doesn't run in my veins.

"No. But your brother was. Well, sort of." He walks so close to me, I can feel his breath on my face.

"Valentine!" I can hear Jocelyn push him. He stumbles back and I wish I could see his face.

"No! You brought her here!" He yells at her and I can hear his footsteps of him coming close to Jocelyn.

"This is about us Valentine, not her!" She screams back. Here she is, arguing back to Valentine and sticking up to me. Before she was scared, pleading and trembling. It's crazy what fear makes us do.

"She will find out eventually. They go to school with her! What makes you think that they might not accidently spill?" He has taken a few steps back.

"What do you mean they are at my school?" I can't help but get a bad feeling. People at my school has a connection with Valentine? That can't be possible. I would know. Wouldn't I?

"Sebas-"Valentine spits quickly but I hear Jocelyn clamp her hand over Valentines mouth, making his words unclear. I could of guess Sebastian easy. What worries me is that he said 'they go to school with her'. He was implying there is more than Sebastian. Who else could be?

"Are you going to keep quite?" My mom hisses. It's silent for a while and I can't see if Valentine nods or not in the dark. But I hear Jocelyn step away.

"Jon was a murderer like me!" Valentine roars and I hear Jocelyn tell him to shut up but I'm not really listening to her.

"No." I whisper. He wouldn't have been. He was nice to me. He partied nearly every night but he isn't a murderer. He got into fights but there is no way he could kill someone.

"Yes he was! And he wanted to kill you!" He shouts at me and before I can realize what I'm doing, I slap him hard in the face.

"He wouldn't kill me."

"Ask Alec then"

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**I hope you liked that chapter. I thought it was a bit choppy and a bit short. All Well. I wonder what Alec has got to do with this? :)**


	13. Stories Untold

**How was the last cliff hanger? I'm glad some of you like it. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and make sure to leave a review. And thank you for all the reviews, favorites, follows and views.**

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I haven't left my room for 2 days. I haven't let someone in my room either. Lucky for me, I keep protein bars under my bed for late night snacks but I'm running low of them. I have been sitting on the window still the whole time. I was just thinking and replaying everything ever since I came here to show some indication that Alec is part of whatever it is Valentine is talking about. What I haven't gotten off my mind is Jon. He couldn't be a killer. He was protective of me. At least most of the time. The only time he was slightly suspicious was when he came into my room the night he died.

***Flashback***

_I've been lying in bed for hours, listening to Jon and Valentine scream. I catch snippets of the conversation and it's just 'no', 'dangerous', 'stay with me', 'going mad' and 'leave her alone'. It doesn't make sense to me but I think Jon is going to a party tonight and has a new girlfriend? Valentine doesn't approve of him dating but for some odd reason he is fine with him going out. What is so different about this time? Is it because of the girl? I don't understand Valentines logic. The muffled yells are now silent and all I can hear is their footsteps. One is coming towards my door and I think it must be Jon. His room is across the hall. But the footsteps stop at my door and the door opens slightly. I keep my eyes squinty so it looks like I'm asleep. But I see something shiny in Jon's hand but I can't place the object. He tiptoes next to my bed and leans over to whisper to me._

_"__Hey Clary. I've loved you forever you know. But because I'm your brother, I can't-"I hear a grunt and see a dash of white. It's Valentine lunging across the room. What is happening?! I open my eyes wider and look at the two men wrestling on the ground. They are shouting but all I see is the knife in Valentines hand. Jon is fighting against him but Valentine is to strong. He plunges the knife in his heart. He killed Jon. I snap my eyes shut and scream at myself not to cry. He can't know you are awake. I hear the clatter of the knife dropping. _

_"__No…" Valentine whispers and he rushes out the door screaming something but I can't hear or focus on anything. I open my eyes and drop to the floor. There's blood everywhere. Jon is dead. He can't be! Valentine wouldn't do that! He wouldn't! He isn't the kindest father but he wouldn't. I let myself cry over his dead body. I grab his hand in my trembling hand and kiss the top of his head, saying goodbye and that I love him. He told me that he loved me before he died. I didn't hear the rest before Valentine came in. I hear light and rushed footsteps coming down the hall and I slip back into bed, acting like I'm asleep. I hide my blood soaked hands under the blankets and silently cry as I hear my mom and dad whisper back in forth._

**_*_****End of Flashback****_*_**

He was acting strange that night but he was telling me he loved me and Valentine came and killed him. Jon isn't a murderer.

"Clary!" I hear Simon yell from my door and his light taps on the door. I should let Simon in, he hasn't done anything but help me. He isn't Alec. I jump down and open the door letting him in. He brings me in to a tight embrace. He pulls back scanning me. "What happened? You look like shit."

"Geez thanks." I mutter getting back on the window still, pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. I can't blame him for saying I look like shit. I'm still in my pajamas and I haven't had a shower or brushed my hair in 2 days. Let alone got some sleep.

"What happened? You haven't been out of this room for 2 days. Alec said that he has tried to come in countless time but you refuse to let him in." He sits on my unmade bed, crossing his legs. The broken bed groans under his weight. Even though it's broken, I can still manage to lie on it. It's very uncomfortable but I just didn't want to leave my room and talk to people.

"You heard right." I keep my head low, refusing to look at him.

"What happened with your mom and Valentine?"

"Valentine said I should know something and there is people at this school who is in this thing with Valentine and Jocelyn was like no. Then he said that Jon wasn't my brother. That he was a murderer." I leave out the part about Alec because I want to ask him myself about that. Just not anytime soon.

"Valentine is the murderer. Not him." I can hear the anger in Simon's voice and silently thank him for being so supportive.

"I know. The only time he was slightly suspicious was when he died."

"What do you mean?" He asks and I raise my head to look at him. He looks genuinely confused and curious. So I launch into story about the night that Jon died. Not leaving out any details. I don't cry because I'm so confused and out of it to really focus on any emotion except confusion. When I finish the story, Simon is looking at me like I grew a second head and his eyes are noticeably lager than normal.

"Clary." He whispers. He is starting to shake. Was that too much for him to handle?

"What's wrong? Was the story to much?" I walk over to Simon, wanting to comfort him but he backs away. Why is he acting like this? He keeps staring at me. I stand still, getting uncomfortable with how Simon is looking at me.

"He was carrying a knife."

"Who?" Now I start to shake because I think I know what he is talking about.

"Jon is a murderer." I shake my head. I don't believe it. I don't care what evidence there is.

"He isn't."

"He was trying to kill you."

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**oops. I hope you didn't figure that twist out until now. I hope you enjoyed that chapter! **


	14. Answers to Questions

**Hey! Welcome back! I just want to say thanks for getting me to 3,000 views! I have many people looking at my story and even over 30 people following it but I can't help but notice how little of you type a review. It takes 10 seconds and makes me really happy. If you guys could write a review about anything you want, I will really appreciated it. Reading your reviews gives me the motivation to type more and more chapters so please keep it up! I also just wanted to say, I understand if the characters in my story are different to the books or how you picture them but how the characters act in this story all has something to do with the story. Their personalities all come into play eventually and I want everyone to keep that in mind. Anyway thank you, please write a review and enjoy the story! :)**

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I can't stop shaking. Simon left hours ago but I'm still in shock. Simon and Valentine where right. He was trying to kill me. Was he even my brother? It all comes together though. The shiny knife in his hand, the weird way he used to kiss me. Brothers aren't meant to kiss there sisters like he did. Who was Jon then? I play his last sentence he said to me over and over in my head.

_'Hey Clary. I've loved you forever you know. But because I'm your brother, I can't-' _can't what?! What was he trying to say? He told me he loved me but because he is my brother he couldn't do something. Jocelyn sits across from me. I asked her to come here because I need answers. I hate her. She is the biggest bitch I've meet because she has abandoned me, put me through hell and kept so many secrets from me. I hate her. I hate her so much.

"Who was Jonathon?" I don't even think that sentence makes sense but nothing is making sense right now. Jocelyn is sitting on my bed with a blank expression. It's sort of scary to see her so calm after everything that happened. She just stares at me emotionless.

"He was part of the group your father was in."

"What is the group?" I run my hands down my face, getting frustrated.

"They are called the 'Endarkend'. They are a group of assassins."

"So Jon and Valentine where assassins?"

"Sebastian too. They weren't always bad people. They killed for all the right reasons."

"Is there ever a right reason to kill?" It's a reasonable question but she ignores it.

"Until a week before Jon died." She is gulping but she manages to keep her face expressionless.

"What happened?"

"The leader was killed and the leadership changed."

"How did he die?" I know the answer.

"Valentine killed him."

"What was the reason?"

"He's controlling! You know that! He wanted to be in control!" She is yelling now and I'm sort of relieved that she is showing emotion.

"Why did he kill Jon?" She looks at me with a guilty look. She gets up and starts to pace the room.

"You have the right to know everything. Jon was some kid Valentine found who had the skills to be an Assassin. Valentine looked at Jon like he was his son so he invited him to live with us. I was alright with that because he was the nicest kid I've ever met that killed for a living. Well, I thought he was until a month before he died, Valentine and I started to notice how he acted around you. He was so… intimate with you that it came a problem. He kissed you like Valentine kissed me. Used to kiss me. We talked to him. Telling him to stop and act like you are his sister but he told us the most disturbing thing the night before he died. He told us he loved you and that he will find a way for you to love him. We got worried and try to keep you away. Then the night he died, he had this idea in his head that he would kill you then kill himself so you guys could be together forever. Valentine saw through his calm dilemma and figured out his plan. He came into to your room to kill you that night. And that's why Valentine killed him, so he wouldn't kill you." I know I'm in tears. I just can't feel them. I'm just so numb right now.

"Before he died he told me that he had loved me forever and that because he is my brother, he can't"

"Be with you. You couldn't be his wife. He told Valentine that." My life has been built on lies. Jon wasn't my brother and Valentine was saving me when he killed him. I don't like Valentine any more than I did before but he wasn't always bad.

"Why did you leave then?! Why did you leave me to be abused?!"

"The other people in the group found out what happened and started to come after us. I hated Valentine because of what he became. So I made it sound like I was going to distract them from you and him but I ended up leaving for good. I said I was going to come back after I sort the whole thing out because they loved you and me. The boys in the group. But I never went to them. I just ran away and I left you with Valentine because they might have come after me. I didn't know how to defend myself but Valentine did. You would have been safer with him but I didn't know he would do that to you. He loved you so much Clary. He killed for you and now he is killing because of you and me. He has lost his way." She's right. It's because of me people are dying and getting hurt. I don't know what to think or do. Everything they did back then was for me. Then it fell apart and my life become what it is today. I don't know what to think. I don't know. I don't know. I fix my eyes on the wall behind Jocelyn and start to rock back and forth. The words 'I don't know what to do' just plays over and over and it's the voices telling me that I deserved this. I can hear Jocelyn saying something and she is touching me but I keep rocking back and forth. The walls that made me strong has been shattered. I'm at the deepest slum I have ever been and now I realize I have a long way to go to get out. Even before all this I was too far down to the point that the only way out is to go deeper. My life is so stuffed up and so am I. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I rock back and forth as I hear Jocelyn cry and shout for Alec to come over. I ignore everything. Nothing will help me out of this. Nothing ever will. I feel Alecs hand on my knees and I freeze. Valentine said for me to ask Alec about Jons death. But how is he supposed to know? Unless he is part of the group too.

"Clary." I stare at Alec like I don't know who he is.

"Get out and never come here again."

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**I hope you enjoyed that! I'm sorry the chapters haven't been very long. The way I cut them off is important so the readers have something to think about after they leave. I hope to make them longer eventually but I can't have too many things happening in the chapter at once! The chapters recently have sort of been fillers and mini chapters that explain what is going on before the main plot comes into play. I hope you understand and like the story regardless. Next chapter will be up tomorrow. I'm hopeful that I can keep the daily posting up. **


	15. Jocelyn Explains

**I feel so bad for these short chapters! Sorry! I hope they will get longer soon but like I said in the previous chapter, these small and heavy dialogued chapters are helping to build up to the main plot. I hope you guys still like the story regardless. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and make sure to leave a review! I love reading them!**

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I don't know if I should be mad. I'm not sure if he is in that Endarkned group or something but Valentine wasn't lying about Jon so why would he lie about Alec. Alec has left and I am sitting here, rocking back and forth. Jocelyn is still sitting here. She is just crying and watching me. This is my life now. A whole bunch of misery and lies from everyone around me. Can I trust anyone? I think I can trust Jace but he hasn't came to see me for a while. How am I supposed to trust him when he isn't willing to be in my life. I don't know what to think of anything. Everything is a mess and I'm in the middle of it. The main source is Valentine. And Jace is a bystander that is too scared to do anything about it. It just doesn't make sense! He was willing to beat up Valentine for me but not see me when I'm in a bad state. Can I even call him a friend? I generally thought I was feeling something for him but I don't feel it anymore. I feel disgust and for some reason, betrayal. He is meant to be here, supporting me and helping me. But guess who is here instead. Jocelyn. Another source of the problem. Damn it Jace. Why is the people I don't like here for me but the people I do like aren't? It isn't supposed to work like that. I want it to be like at primary school, when two girls had a bitch fight and the friends chose sides. Which friend to stick by. But it isn't like that. I guess you can say I'm an adult but I'm dealing with things I should never have to deal with and I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss the bitch fights in school. They are nothing compared to this. I want it because in that moment, it would be the worst thing happening to me, not dealing with everyone finally speaking the truth and rocking in the corner. The good old days. They weren't good back then but I never knew I had it so good until it was taking away. By Valentine. And Jocelyn. I hate them so much. I wish they weren't my parents. I cuss them out in my head. I stop rocking when a thought pops into my head. I don't look anywhere but at the wall.

"What happened when I left?"

"We talked about what we need to do from here on. I told him to keep his group of assassins away from us because they are still on bad terms and I promised to look after you. He asked that we should learn self-defense." I hate both of them. They kept everything from me and now they turned my life upside down. But I question why I do hate them, they did a lot of things to keep me safe but there is no excuse for Valentine beating me. I nod then start to rock back and forth again, blocking everything out. After Alec came in, I asked Jocelyn to not let anyone else in. She has spent all her time here watching me, crying and looking for a new bed for me. I don't care about getting a new bed! I don't need one if I can't stop rocking back and forth. The floor isn't comfortable but it's better than nothing. I am not getting up either. I feel like if I uncross my arms around my knees, I will fall apart. And I have fallen apart, probably to the point where I can't get it back together but I have a sliver of sanity that makes my hands stay wrapped around my knees. And I need that to put myself back together long enough to figure out this shit.

"Is Alec in that group?" I don't really want to hear the answer but I need to know. She lets out a loud sigh and the bed croaks when she leans back.

"Yes. Valentine asked if Alec could keep an eye on you. But that grew into something else and you have become best friends."

"We were!" I shout in a flash of anger.

"Clary. You don't mean that."

"I do! I don't want to be friends with a murderer!" Jocelyn looks at me like she wants to tell me something but she bites it back. "Who did Alec, Valentine and Jon kill?"

"The Endarkened killed people who got away with murder."

"Do they work with the government?"

"Not really. They are asked to do it by the government but they don't work for them."

"Who do they work for then?"

"They don't even know."

"What do you mean they don't know?!"

"They just get the orders and they do it. That's how they got money." So that's what Jon was doing. He was killing people at night, not going to parties.

"So every night when Jon was at a party, he was actually killing people?"

"Most of the time but he did go to parties. When he had no one to kill." I don't know how Alec is part of this group. He is the kindest person I meet. There is no way he could kill people! Does Magnus know?

"Do they still do it?"

"No. But some of the group is still after Valentine."

"Have you seen any of them lately?"

"Fortunately, no. It seems like they have laid off a bit but they are still targeting him. They send him death threats all the time."

"How do you know that?" She has been out of my life for years. How could she possibly know that?!

"I have talked to him before. Asking about you. He always told me you where fine and safe."

"He's a liar. How could you not tell that I wasn't fine?"

"My biggest problem then was that group. I didn't know the man that loved you dearly would do this to you."

"It's your fault. You know that right." She looks at me like she is confused but I know she knows.

"What are you saying?

"He got drunk every night after you left. He loved you Jocelyn to the moon and back and he couldn't handle losing 2 important people in his life."

"I'm sorry but it doesn't explain why he hurt you."

"It does! He hated me, he never loved me. No matter how many times you say that. He lost the most important people in his life and I was dead weight. A reminder of you. He was punishing me when he was meant to be punishing you."

"Don't say that Clary." She whispers to me. I know that sentence struck her hard. I blame her for a lot of things.

"It doesn't matter anymore. It's the past and it has been done. I just think that you should be dealing with the pain. Not me. I did nothing."

"I know you haven't. I feel so bad. You have never really had a family and I'm so sorry. I do feel the guilt and pain everyday."

"How?!"

"By looking at you Clary!" I lean back not sure what to say. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I need to change the subject.

"Are they after Alec?" I may not like Alec very much anymore but I care for him so much. He was like a brother to me. I not sure I want to lose him. Like I lost everyone else but I can't make a rational decision at the moment. For all I know, my thoughts might be completely different tomorrow. I am Clary after all. A daughter from the evil Valentine and Jocelyn.

"No. They don't know he is in contact with him." So it's Alec and Valentine against the rest. Does Alec even like Valentine?

"How many people is there?"

"12 at the most now."

"And how many people do I know in that group?"

"4"

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**Oh man. That was such a short chapter! sorrrrrrryyyyyy. :( I will try to make them longer but there is no promise. **


	16. Once Again

**Sorry about another short chapter. The next handful of ones will be short. Just to warn you but I will try to make them longer. With every chapter, I have an idea where I want to finish it so I work around that and it just ends up being short. :/ I'm trying to make them longer but with school now on, it's a bit ****hard to find time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and make sure to leave your reviews! I love reading them!**

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"Alec! Open the door now!" I bang on the door with every ounce of anger. I have managed to get up but all I want to do is rock back and forth but Alec has being hiding something from me. I need to know what it is now. Anger is what drove me out of my rocking daze. Anger towards Valentine and Alec. I trusted him. He's a murder too. I gag at the thought of the sweet Alec killing someone. Magnus throws open the door and his eyes widen at the fiery red head who is about to explode in anger. "Where is Alec?!" I shouldn't shout at Magnus. He hasn't done anything.

"Alec!" Magnus shouts behind his shoulder and Alec comes to the door. He looks like he hasn't slept for days. The bags under his eyes are so prominent like mine. He looks like a mess and he looks scared. Is he scared of me? Why is he scared of me?

"Clary." My name comes out of his mouth like a squeak. He's scared of me! I push past him and Jace is sitting up on the bed, he watches me cross the room and sit on the chair near the window. Alec and Magnus stand at the door still watching me like I'm a fire.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I yell at Alec and he looks like he is going to cry.

"I-I-"He tries to speak but I cut him off.

"I trusted you! And you kept this big secret from me?! Have you always lied to me?!" I'm shaking in anger and I can't think straight. With Alec standing here right now, I'm getting angrier.

"Clary. I had-had too." He's shaking and crying.

"Why are you scared of me?!" I jump up from my seat and start towards Alec, I can imagine my hands closing around Alecs throat. No…. I stop mid step and back into the wall. Now I'm trembling. I'm exactly like Valentine. I'm the same as Valentine. The thought makes me sick. Literally sick. I fall onto the ground, empting my stomach on their gray carpet.

_You are Valentine._

_You're just as bad._

_You're the same as Valentine._

_Why don't know just kill someone._

The voices in my head get louder and louder and louder. I start to cry and shake from disgust.

"I'm the same. I'm the same." I repeat as I start to rock back and forth again.

"Clary. Clary!" Jace is in front of me.

"No. No. No. Leave me alone." I cover my ears, refusing to hear anything. But it doesn't get rid of the voices in my head. I start to bash my head against the wall. Like that will make the voices leave. Jace grabs my head to stop me and I do the worst thing I can think of. I scream and swat his hands away. He rocks back in shock and I wrap my arms around my legs. "I'm the same"

_You're the same as Valentine, even worst. _

My sobs get louder and screams starts to cut through me. It's my screams. Get me out. Get me out. Still trembling and crying, I stand up. I walk out the door and into my room. I reach for my alcohol bottles that are probably out of date but I plan to drink until my heart stops. I can't live like this. I don't want to live this life. I can't handle it anymore. I have no one to guide me. I chug down the 2 bottles in what seems like 2 minutes but it's been longer I bet.

_See Clary. They don't care about you. They haven't come in to see if you're alright._

"SHUT UP!" I yell at the voices in my head. I can't live like this. I can't jump out the window because that didn't work last time. I don't have enough alcohol. I stumble to the door and lock it so no one can come in. I stumble into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror.

_Mini Valentine._

Loud sobs escape my mouth as I look into my own eyes. There is nothing there. No light, they are just dull. I have became everything that I hated. I'm doing the same thing Valentine did to me. I can't believe I'm doing that. What Valentine did to me was the worst in the world and now I'm returning the same pain to the people I care about most! I am broken. Valentine has always been broken and now I'm the same. Worse even. I start to say sorry to everyone for hurting them and becoming Valentine. Will I be able to change? Or will I beat my child? I can't except that. I'm not like that. I can't be. I can't a mini Valentine. I grip the side of the bench and vomit again into the white sick. I let myself be sick. I let myself feel that pain because I deserve it. All of it. I look back at the mirror and see someone staring back at me. It's my own reflection but I can't help but feel like it's mocking me. Who I have become. And in my delusional state, the messed up Clary in the mirror turns into a girl version of Valentine. I stand there with an evil grin, white hair and blood covering my dark black clothes. I scream and punch the glass. It shatters and my hand is cut in many places but I couldn't care less. Blood trickles down my arm as I bend down and pick the biggest glass piece. I toss it in the air and catch it, making my hand bleed more as it sinks into my palm. This will be perfect. A make shift razor. I kick the tap in the bath to start the flow of water. I smile, I'm finally going to be released. I will be free. I zone out completely in to my closed eyes as I try to imagine a perfect world.

_I hear the whoosh of air and my green dress snapping in the wind. Jace stands there all dressed up. I look around and see a happy family. My family. Valentine has his arms around Jocelyn's waist and Jon is watching me with a huge grin. We stand under a canopy. With fairy lights strewn everywhere. I turn back to Jace and he smirks. _

There is a bang and the perfect image fades away. I wave my hands in front of me, collecting nothing but tiny particles in my clenched hands. I try to grasp the image but it doesn't work. I'm back in the real world and it's painful and dull. I can feel the pain and the sorrow. I can see the pain everywhere. Seeping in through those white walls, like black slime. It's a nightmare in real life. But I can't will myself awake and cry into Jons arms. Jon... Did he ever really love me? I'm shaking as usual and I watch water flow freely from the tap to the bath. The water is so pure and clear. It should be tainted pink or red. I can change that. I should do it quick because these black slime covered walls are closing in on me. I can't breath and it's like I'm glued to the ground. I can't move. Am I in shock? Why aren't I happy? I can finally leave but the answer was right in front of me. Literally. A blonde figure appears in the door way like my perfect imaginary world. I feel the painful sting of the glass in my hand cutting in to my palm. Jace runs at me and yanks the glass from my hand and throws it to the ground. I'm covered in blood from my cut palm. I look at it and I can see the bones. I've gone to deep. I look back at Jace who looks terrified.

"Shit." I whisper before I faint.

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**I'm sorry that I keep asking this but please leave your reviews! It's a shame so little of you are leaving reviews. I'm so grateful for the people who do and it helps me know if the story is going in the right direction. Plus it's a huge help with the motivation. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and I will post another one tomorrow! **


	17. The Unspoken Truth

**I'm so sorry for this short chapter but the next one should be long. Thank you guys again for the support and thanks to everyone who is leaving reviews! You may have noticed that I haven't been putting the disclaimer in the last few chapters. I just got sick of typing it every time because I think you get the idea that I'm not trying to steal anything off Cassandra Clare. So the last disclaimer I wrote applies for the rest of the story. Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy this short chapter (sorry) and make sure to leave your reviews!**

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"Welcome back." The doctor from last time I came to the hospital says giving me a look that says disappointment. "Last time you were here, I thought about putting you on depression pills but I had faith that you would make it out but I was wrong. You will need to take two a day. If you get worse, come back and we will put you on something stronger." I lick my dry lips and the doctor orders for someone to get me ice. I look to the left and see an orange container with a lid. I cringe and look away. I'm one of those kids now. The ones that need to take meds to make it through the day. But something tells me I have always been that kid. But I refuse to take them. I've been through hell and been weak but I'm not that low. I just won't take them. I groan and rub my hands down my face. I spot black hair between my parted fingers. I jump in my bed and sit up quickly, pushing myself against the headboard. Alec stands there with a pained look covering his beautiful face. Behind him stands Valentine and Jocelyn. Why isn't Sebastian here? Then it can be the 'Hurt Clary' club. I can feel the doctor's heavy eyes watching me with a peculiar look. I look over to her, hoping she can do something. She looks to the visitors and eyes them up and down. "I'm sorry but can you step outside for a minute." The doctor guides them out the door and shuts it with a head pounding bang. She sits next to my bed with a soft thud and laces her hands together in her lap. She looks at me like I'm meant to start talking.

"Is there something wrong?" My voice holds a miserable tint to it.

"I should ask you the same question." She leans back but she still looks at me like I should talk.

"No you shouldn't. I have been in an accident and I'm here now. That's all."

"It wasn't an accident. You don't accidentally have alcohol in your system and smash a mirror. Then cut your hand deep. It's a clear picture what you were trying to do." She is acting like a bitch. I know what I have done. And where is my ice? My lips are really dry. I lick them again, trying to dampen them.

"I have medication for that now. What does it matter?"

"Yes you do have medication. But you still have the past on your shoulders."  
"Doesn't everyone?"

"But not as heavy as you have."

"I guess I'm unlucky then." She looks at me with disapproval at my stubbornness.

"Something tells me that the people here are the reason for that weight."

"Nearly everyone in my life is a reason for the weight on my shoulders but I'm not one to single them out."

"What have they done to you?" She has a softer tone now.

"More than anyone has done to you." I'm not having this conversation with her. I have told it to many times and relived it too much. I can't handle it anymore.

"I can see that. I don't walk around with a sad and scared look in my eyes."

"That's just my eyes tricking you."

"Eyes don't lie about what is happening behind masked faces. Have you never been to a masquerade before?"

"No."

"Then you will never know the truth."

"I've never known the truth. It's not that different." She seems to be processing what I just said for a while until she speaks up.

"You are in so much pain Clary. I just want to help."

"I don't want your help! No one can help me!" I snap turning my back to her in the bed.

"I can-"

"Reading my eyes won't get you very far in life. Go help someone who wants it." I must have thrown her off guard as I see her walk to the door. She turns back to look at me.

"You do want help. You just won't accept it." She opens the door then slams it shut, it makes my head pound. The words have struck me hard. It's true. Every word she says is true. It must be true then, eyes never lie. I sit there in tears. My life is so messed up in many ways and here I am making it harder on myself but not accepting the help I need. I'm making myself worse. I'm letting things destroy me. I'm letting myself down and I need to change that now. I need to stop and let people help me. I need to get out of this state that has dragged me down my whole life. I need to fight back. I need to show people that they can't take me down.

_My name is Clary and I will fight my demons till my last breath._

Bitches better be ready.

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**I hate posting these short chapters but this chapter was wrote just for the realization at the end. I hope you guys understand! The next chapter like I said before should be long. I spent a while typing it so I imagine it will be. I wanted to say a special thanks for you guys who left a review, it seriously means a lot and I can't thank you enough! I say it over and over again but I really am thankful for the support this story is getting. I put this up, expecting to only get 100 views at the max and take it down the next day but that didn't happen and so here I am writing more. The support I got at the start was the motivation to put more chapters up but now I'm lacking it especially with school back on. I can't always find time and if I have an hour to spare, I need that motivation to write more. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that chapter and please leave a review! :)**


	18. Realization

**Hey! The next chapter is finally up! Thank you so much! I have over 4,000 views! Wow! It's so close to 5,000 and once I reach it, I will do a very long chapter. And I'm truly sorry but I will not be able to post as often as I have been. Now that my weeks are getting busier and busier, I can't seem to find the time but I promise that I will post as much as possible. Like I said, I really appreciate how you have gotten my story this far and I love you all! I hope you like this chapter and make sure to leave your review!**

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The hug I gave the doctor was a huge surprise to me and to her for sure. She never expected for me to storm out my room and tell her thank you. She has shown me the light under dark grey skies. She has shown me that I may have had a bad past but my future doesn't have to be the same. It's my future not Valentines and I have control over it. Not him. All it took was someone who doesn't know me to say I won't accept the help for me to see that my life is surrounded by darkness. I don't want help but I will have to accept it. But if I get past this point of anger towards everything, I won't need help because I will be better than I have ever been. I want revenge on everyone who has caused me pain but I know that revenge won't do me any good and make me just like everyone else. What I need to do is come out bigger and better. Show them I won't be taken down by some stupid secrets. I am better than that. I am better than any of their sorry little murdering asses. I walk back to the school alone. Thinking over everything and building up my confidence to stand up to everything that made me scared and as weak as I am now. I won't stand for it anymore and I will prove to everyone that stupid lies can't kill me, literally. It will take more than lies to make me into a numb scared girl. Valentine, I'm getting you back for every lie. I will not be overruled by him or anyone. I walk into the building with my head held high and a determined mindset. I run up the steps to make my present known. I can easily do this all wrong and become mean again but I need this to be sorted out. I can't be Valentine because I will not allow anyone to be hurt by me unless the words are completely necessary. I stop in front of Alecs room. The door looks so familiar. I know Alec, Valentine and Jocelyn went home already because I asked them too. But now I am here and I'm getting answers. I knock on door while taking deep breaths. I can do this. Magnus is the one who opens the door and behind him stands a distraught Alec. I heard muffled whines coming up the stairs and it must have been Alec. I nod at Magnus and he takes a step aside. Alec watches me walk all the way inside until I see an unmade and empty bed. I take a seat and inhale the scent. It smells like Jace and I can't place that scent as one thing. It's just… Jace. I miss him and I'm angry at him because he doesn't seem to care. It seems like he only cares when I'm going to kill myself. Is that what I am to him? Something to save? I shake the thoughts from my head. I need to focus on Alec. He gives me a weak smile. He sits on his bed with Magnus at his side. We stare at each other for a while. Like we are silently saying sorry to one another. I won't be the first to speak so I keep my mouth shut. He gets the idea after a few intense moments.

"I'm so sorry." He says with a huge sigh, like he was holding his breath.

"I know you are." I say flatly and Alec looks at me surprised. He nods like he understands why I'm being so distant.

"I know you are angry."

"I am." He looks at me with a look that says _let me finish_.

"But I never wanted to lie to you."

"Then why did you?" It's what I have been dying to ask and get answers too. Why has everyone lied to me?

"Because Valentine told me I wasn't allowed too."

"So you chose him over me."

"I never had to choose Clary. It was always going to be Valentine." I'm taking back by this. He chose Valentine over me! I thought be where friends.

"I can't believe you!" I throw my hands over my head in anger but Alec keeps a straight face.

"Listening to Valentine was the way to keep you safe."  
"Safe?!" I can't believe he is saying this!

"You are stubborn Clary." I scoff despite the fact I know I am. "If you knew what we did, you would ask questions. You would run away or say something to the wrong person."

"Of course I would but I wouldn't be mad if you told me in the first place!"

"You would of. And it's not my place to tell you."

"I know its Valentines. It's always about Valentine."

"I was never okay with him hurting you." He says to me with his eyebrows furrowed. And I know that, I know it in my heart. "None of us are. Especially the ones who hate him. They loved you so much. I wouldn't be surprised if they still did." An idea came up in my head.

"Who are they? The others I mean."

"The ones against Valentine?"

"Yes." I'm so happy that Alec is being honest. It's making the forgiving thing so much easier.

"The leader is Hodge. He's good bloke. His motives are wrong though but he will see through it. He always does. We just need something for that to happen. I don't blame him for being mad. We all loved Jon like he was our own brother or son. They just don't know why Valentine killed him. They think it was because he was jealous and they know he hurt you daily. You may not remember and I don't either because I was a young one but you were very important. They thought of you like a daughter. That's what they have always told me anyway." I'm surprised to hear that. I always thought I wasn't loved but there was a group of people who loved me and was willing to kill my dad to get me out. It's creepy but not much surprises me right now.

"Where can I find Hodge?" I ask finally coming up with a good plan.

"I don't think that's a good idea Clary."

"Let me see him and I will call this thing off Valentine. We will all be safe." Alec studies me for a while. "I need to do this." He finally nods his head and scribbles a phone number on a notepad he had nearby. He folds it carefully and gives me the paper. I shove it into my pocket getting up. I hug Alec and start to walk away when I remember that Magnus was there. I turn around and give him a quick hug. "We will talk tomorrow." I tell Alec as I leave the room to call the number that belongs to Hodge. I won't deny that I'm not nervous. I don't know him, I don't trust him and who knows, he could be the same as Valentine but I'm willing to believe Alec. If what he is saying is true. That they care about me, that they would be willing to kill Valentine in honor of Jon and me, then they are instantly my best friends and someone not to be over looked. Maybe he will be the answers and solution to my many problems. And I'm willing to take the chance that he will over look the fact I'm Valentines daughter and think of me as Jocelyns. I don't want to be either of there daughter but Alec said they liked me and Jon. They might think as me as Jons younger and innocent sister but every since I came out of the hospital, I wouldn't go as far as innocent. My motives are far beyond that. I won't hurt anyone though. Unless with my words. I will get myself on top and instead of everyone looking down at me, they will look up. And that's my goal for the rest of my life. To better then everyone else in it. I type the last digit with a shaking hand and pull the phone to my ear. I hear the phone ring 5 times. Then someone picks up.

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**Also, thanks to my friend Shae! She helped with the spelling this chapter :) Luv you.**


	19. Hodge

**I don't think you understand how excited I am about the story now the truth is out! Like always, I want to say thank you for the amazing support! It still shocks me every morning that I am 500 away from 5,000 views! It's crazy! Also, thanks for 50 reviews and 40 followers! I was never expecting to get this far! I apologize if this chapter is short but I hope you like it anyway. Please make sure to leave your review on the story so far!**

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"Hello" a voice rings on the other side of the phone. It's deep but has a wise ring to it.

"Hello, is this Hodge?" I'm sitting in my room by the window. While I was waiting for Hodge to talk, Jace walked past and I told him to come to my room in 15 minutes. He should be here soon.

"Yes. Who am I speaking to?" His voice holds a questionable tone. I'm glad I can tell his emotions by his voice. It will be easier to tell if I'm stepping out of line or not.

"My name is Clary-"I stop because I want a new last name. I've had Morgenstern for as long as I remember, I want to change it. I think up quick names in my head and for some reason Fray comes up. It has a nice ring to it. Clary Fray. "-Fray." I hope he understands it's me. There is an uncomfortable silence from Hodge and I start to break out into a sweat. I haven't allowed myself to think about my emotions.

"Clary Fray? Are you related to Valentine?" He seems distant. I would be to if someone related to Valentine was calling me up.

"I'm his daughter. I'm not sure you remember me." I hear an uncomfortable cough and a gulp.

"Clary. Never thought I would hear from you again." Surprise is lacing through his caring voice. I'm glad he doesn't hate me. I need his help.

"I never knew you even existed until a few days ago. I'm sorry for the lack of contact but surely you understand." I say feeling defensive. Of what though? People expecting things from me?

"Valentine was always one to be in control." He spits this sentence out like something sour and part of me likes him more for his dislike for Valentine.

"Needless to say, he isn't in control now. If he was, how would I be calling you?" I hear a tap on the door. I just silently hope Jace will know to come in without me telling him too. He does and takes a seat on my broken bed. Earning a painfully loud groan.

"The thought crossed my mind."

"I want to speak to you. In person." I get straight to the point. I don't know him and I don't know far his hate goes for Valentine but I hope it doesn't extend to me.

"How can I trust you? This could be Valentine making you go."

"You can't trust me yet. But you have to know that I will never do anything for that guy again."

"Then why do you want to meet me?"

"To end this mini war." I say flatly like it's obvious. I thought it was.

"Then you are working for him. He wants us off this back."

"This isn't about him. It's about me. I want to finally feel safe and have answers. I can't have that unless I talk to you." I look at Jace and he looks confused but behind his eyes I can see the understanding of this conversation.

"Fine. Meet me at Java Jones tomorrow. Come alone."

"You should too. If you don't come alone, I'm out and I'm sure you want to know the story with Jon." I want to hit a nerve in him to make him want this more than me.

"Why?"

"Why he did it." I know he understands. This mini war was about him.

"He was jealous and stupid."

"It runs deeper than that."

"He's gotten into you."

"He did but not anymore. Jon died for reasons you don't know. He died trying to kill some else. Try to justify that." I hung up after that. I try to end conversations on me saying something that makes them question why it all started. And I know I have hit that jackpot with him. I let out a loud sigh as I place the phone on the table next to me and look back at Jace who seems to look at me with a look of regret. He snaps out of it and his look changes to sympathy.

"Hey." He says softly. I nod my head at him. I won't say anything until he earns it. "I'm sorry I haven't been here. I have had bigger things going on." Bigger things then me? Stuff this, I'm saying something.

"What exactly was that?" I question, feeling anger boil in me. I don't know where I stand with Jace and I won't allow myself to slip into conclusions.

"Something you won't understand. Something bigger than us." I decide to not push on the first sentence because he isn't willing to be honest to me. I won't be honest back.

"There was an us?" I ask standing up and getting a bottle of water from the fridge only to sit back down again. Jace watches my every step.

"I thought there was." The disappointment is clear in his voice and I can't help but feel sad. I'm disappointed as well.

"Your judgment seemed to be wrong." I pick at my nails. Scrapping the dirt from underneath.

"Why did you ask me to come here?" He looks sort of desperate. Of what I don't know.

"I had no reason. I wanted you to say sorry." I didn't want to see him but this is the new me, new motives.

"I've said it." He whines. He is acting like a child. "Are you going to tell me who you were talking to?" He asks again but I know he won't want to hear the answer. He even looks like he doesn't want to hear it.

"Someone named Hodge." I get up from my seat as Jace looks stunned for a moment. Does he know Hodge? "Do you know him?" I ask out loud. Despite the fact that I don't think this bed could support both of our weight, I sit next to him. My dislike for him runs pretty far at the moment but I miss being close to him. Physically and mentally, Jace still looks stunned but his answer comes out clearly.

"No. Who is he?" I can't tell if he is being honest, his look tells me he's not. But his voice says something different. I hear the doctor's voice in the back of my mind telling me that the eyes don't lie. I look into his golden eyes and as clear as day, the recognition sits there making me question everything I believe in again. I look at him with an intense stare so he knows I'm not happy.

"You know who he is"


	20. The 3rd Member

**I hope you're ready for coffee with Hodge! The exciting news is that by tomorrow I would reach my 5,000 views goal and I will post the very long chapter as soon as I can. Thanks for the support and I hope you enjoy the story. Also, make sure to leave a review!**

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I thought it was best if I left that conversation before something got out of hand. It throbs in the back of my mind that Jace knows Hodge and now I question how honest he really is. But I won't think of that. My goal is finding Simon. I haven't seen him in a while. I walk down the hall and knock on his door. I haven't been inside but I know which one is his. It's near Sebastian's. No one answers. I came in determined and now no one is answering, it's slowly fading. I knock again to distract myself from the thoughts getting the best of me. He doesn't answer. But lucky, Magnus walks down the hall and comes next to me. We stand there in silence looking at Simons oak door.

"He went to visit Izzy. He thought she should know what is going on." Magnus is the first one to speak.

"He doesn't have to right to tell anyone what is happening with me." I spit, mad that Simon did that.

"What did you want to speak to him about?" Magnus puts a hand on my back and guides me into his room across the hall. I let him take me in. I need another distraction.

"Where he has been. He has been great support but he disappeared when I went in the hospital and I wanted to know if I did something wrong." I can't believe how easy it is to speak to Magnus. I don't know if it's because of all the glitter but he seems inviting and honest.

"I'm sure you haven't. He probably was over whelmed with everything happening and wanted to get a way." I sit on his bed and it's strange not to hear the bed groan.

"I want to get away but I can't, can I. Why should he be able to?"

"You can't blame him though. You would if you could. And like you said, he has been great support. Now he need the support." I feel so guilty. I want to be there for him but I can't even be there for me half the time so how am I meant to be there for him?

"What about you?" I want to know, I never considered what he was thinking about this all.

"I feel guilty."

"Why?" Why would Magnus be guilty?

"Because you have had a hard time and because I haven't been honest with you." I can see in his eyes what he isn't saying and I'm beyond shocked.

"Not you too!" Now I let my emotions get to me. I let myself cry and feel angry. I really can't trust anyone here.

"I'm sorry." He says hugging me. I let him because it's Magnus. I can't be mad at him.

"Why? Why would you do that?"

"Clary. I was born an assassin." We sit in silence, except my occasional loud sobs.

"Thanks Magnus but I need to go" I choke on a sob and walk out the door. I hear Magnus fall back on his bed as I walk out. Alec is standing on the other side.

"Clary." He reaches for my arm and I pull away not looking at him.

"Not now Alec." My voice sounds weak. Not what I want to be like. I want to be strong, not weak and crying but I guess you can't always get what you want. I don't know what to think. I'm not mad that he told me. I just don't know how much more I can take. At least he told me straight up instead of hearing it from someone else. I know 3 people in that group out of 4. Whoever it is wouldn't surprise me because frankly, I think everyone is in that group now. But I don't think its Simon, he can't keep a secret. Jace wouldn't be in it because he has shown me every reason why he isn't. It must be Izzy then. She isn't here anymore at the school but how was Jocelyn supposed to know that. And Izzy is Alec's sister. It makes sense really. It could run in the family. So, Alec, Izzy, Sebastian and Magnus are all in the Endarkened group. Did Magnus already know Alec before he came here? No wonder they hit off so quickly. So Malec was a thing before Magnus got here? That's not fair, I thought I started something special. I just continued it. I have more important things to worry about though. I take quick steps up to my room that is still damaged and put my hair up in a bun. I thought if I look natural enough, Hodge would recognize me. The phone in my pocket vibrates. It's from Hodge. Probably saying what time we should meet considering we never organized that last night.

_I'm at Java Jones. Come when you are ready_

_-H_

I'm not ready but I need to go. I have no choice, I'm getting answer no matter what.

_On my way over_

_-C_

I text back heading out the buildings glass doors. I moved around carefully so I wouldn't run into anyone, I don't need them all asking where I'm going. Though I got permission from Alec, this is my thing. Something I can only do. I call up the taxi service and they said 5 minutes waiting time. Thank god. I don't have the extra time. I want to make a good impression. I stand at the side walk thinking the about the questions I'm going to ask. I have a brief idea but I know as soon as I get there, these won't matter. The taxi pulls up exactly 5 minutes later. I climb in the taxi and smile at the driver. He nods his head and start to drive off. What the heck?! Am I getting kidnapped?!

"Excuse me. Do you know where we are going?" I say tapping him on the shoulder. That is probably a bad idea considering he is driving but I think the guy is kidnapping me.

"Java Jones. Hodge is waiting for you." He smiles at me in the rear view mirror. I sit back in shock. How does he know what I'm doing?! "Former member of the Endarkned. Excuse my distance but I'm not one to tell people my name." Of course he is part of that damned group. They are bloody everywhere!

"No. I get it. No one can trust Valentines daughter." I say laying my head against the window in the car.

"It's not that. My loyalties lay with my family. I need to protect them." My eyes sting. He is such a nice man. Thinking about his family. I wish he was my father but I was left with Valentine who says he did what he did with Jon for my safety. But who knows where Valentines loyalties lay. I don't think it with us. I tune out for a bit. Begging myself to forget that my life sucks but it keeps coming up. I need a distraction. I need Hodge. I open my eyes to see the car take a slow and nice left in front of Java Jones. It makes me forget who is in the car with me. I hear the scraping of jeans on leather as he turns to face me. I take out my wallet to pay him but he shakes his head. "It's paid by the Endarkned. The good ones. Remember that." I nod my head but I feel uncomfortable because it's like he is pressuring me. Can nobody see that I have enough problems already? I walk unsteadily away from the cab as he pulls away and I push on the door to Java Jones. It smells amazing! Like fresh coffee. I let myself enjoy something happy before I enter something that's not. I push on the glass door and the bell overhead chimes. Certainly making my present aware to Hodge. I have no idea what he looks like but it's easy to guess. The person I assume is Hodge is sitting in a both in the corner. He looks sort of old and wears what looks like hunting gear and he scans my every feature. I move to the booth and stand in front of it. He puts on a friendly smile.

"Welcome to Java Jones, Clary. I assume you had a nice ride with my friend." He gestures for me to sit down. I thank him and slide in the booth.

"It's was very smooth. Thanks for paying."

"Coffee?"


	21. Java Jones

**Hello again! Sorry for not updating... I have been busy. And I'm currently procrastinating studying for two tests I have tomorrow. I'm sorry for not updating but I'm hoping I can update more often now I'm in the routine of being back at school. Anyway, THANK YOU FOR 5,000+ views! I can't believe it! To celebrate, I have tried to write an extra long chapter (I'm sorry if I failed) and I want ****you**** guys to PM me with how you would like the story to unfold! I have the basic ideas but I'm writing this for you guys and I really want to know what you want to happen! Also, make sure to leave a review and all. :) I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

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"Yes please." I don't want to drink it but I just really like the smell of it. Hodge raises his hand and the waiter walks over. He has golden hair similar to Jace.

"Hodge." He nods at him then looks at me. If I was drinking anything, I would have spat it all over the table. Standing there in an apron is Jace. His eyes looks surprised but he keeps a calmed dilemma. "What would you like to order miss?" Did he just call me miss? What? He knows me.

"Miss? Seriously?" Jace looks around like he is looking for a way out. His eyes land on the kitchen and he turns back to us.

"Excuse me but I'm being asked to get into the kitchen immediately. I will send someone over right away." Before we can say anything back to him, he is striding towards the kitchen. I turn back to Hodge and he looks skeptical. He is just as confused as I am.

"Who gave you my phone number?" Hodge asks crossing his arms.

"I found it." I know that Alec would be in trouble if I told Hodge it's him. From what I can guess, no one is meant to be in contact with Valentine.

"Where?"

"Valentine" That was a dumb answer. Now he knows I talk to him.

"How does he have my phone number?"

"He has his connections." I'm terrible at lying.

"It looked like you knew Jace." Hodge says with an evil look in his eyes.

"I do. He goes to my school." There is a pause like Hodge was trying to think of something.

"I feel sick from the smell. Do you mind if we go somewhere else?" He gets up as the waiter comes towards us but Hodge sends him an away with an evil look and the waiter goes the opposite way. I get up too. I don't trust him at all anymore.

"I need to get back to the school. It was great to talk to you. I will message you again soon when you are feeling better and we can meet up again." He looks at me with a fierce look.

"No. You are coming with me." He grabs my arm and starts to pull me towards the door. I wiggle and claw at his arm but it's not working. I start to look around and ask people for help but they look at me then at Hodge and look away like its normal. And it is. All the people in this shop are part of Endarkned because they look at Hodge with respect. That means Jace is too. I denied and denied it, but it's the truth. What the hell am I going to do?! I look around and we are coming up to a free table. I grab a chair with my free hand and I'm so lucky that it's light wood because otherwise this wouldn't work. In a quick and painful motion, I smash the chair against Hodges head. The leg snaps as it falls to the floor and Hodge freezes. But before I can do anything, he turns around and slaps me hard as I hear wood scrap against wood as everyone in the shop gets out of their seats for Hodge. I scream loud in hopes that someone will hear me outside but just my luck that no one is outside this damned shop. Hodge pushes me against the nearest wall. The man I was with before is nothing to what I see now.

"You little Bitch! You're exactly like Valentine." He spits at me. Where is Jace?! Isn't he going to help me! I turn my head to the kitchen and sure enough he stands there with a guilty look. Of course he wouldn't. He is in the Endarkned. You can't trust anyone.

"I'm not. You are. Look at what you are doing. It's exactly like what Valentine did with Jon." That's going to hit them hard. Hodge faces twists into absolute rage as he throws me to the floor. My ankle twists in a weird way and it stings. I can't worry about that now because I'm right. They are like Valentine. This is what he did. Despite my head throbbing I continue to shout at them.

"Why don't you just rape me?! Come on! You guys are more like Valentine then you realize." Hodge grabs my arm and yanks me up. I lean against a chair because of my twisted ankle. He grabs my pony tail and pulls me back to the booth. I look around and everyone's looking at me like they hate me. My head is throbbing like never before and I start to cry at the pain. He literally throws me against the table and my back hits the table with a loud bang. That's going to be a huge bruise. I fall to the ground holding my back. It kills. My whole body hurts. Hodge stands over me. They are going to kill me. Hodge raises his fist and if I'm going, I'm going out with a bang.

"You think you know the story." Hodge stops and drops his hand. He grabs my hair and pulls me back up. I grin despite the pain and tears tearing through me. "Valentine did kill Jon. I saw it." Hodge looks at me with anger and all I can hear other than throbbing is his heavy and fast breaths. "I hated him for everything he did for years but I know the truth."

"The truth is Valentine killing him because he-"I'm not letting him finish.

"Tried to kill me!" I scream at him. This time Hodge does punch me but I don't pass out like I expect I would.

"Stop Hodge!" A small voice screams from the other side of the shop. We all turn to see red hair. It's Jocelyn. I've never been happier to see her. Hodge drops me to the ground and Jocelyn rushes over to me. I expect them to grab her but they let her go. What the hell is this shit?! They trust her?! She helps me up and sits me in the booth. She turns to the group of grown men surround us. How didn't I realize that this shop was full of guys? Jocelyn walks up to Hodge and slaps him. It must have been a hard slap because the sound rips throw the almost silent café. Whilst he is still in shock from Jocelyn's assault, she pushes him on the nearest chair.

"Jocelyn?" Hodge looks so surprised. I try to take a deep breath to calm myself down. But instead I scream so loud. It hurts so badly to breath. And now everyone is looking at me like I'm a baby crying in a movie. I clutch my side to stop the pain. I hear Jocelyn scream for Jace to help me as a wave of pain washes over me. From everything. It's like the pain I was really in was blocked out by my will to hurt them if they are hurting me. It's unbearable. My vison starts to turn black at the sides as I hear people scream my name. I feel Jace and Jocelyns hands on me but I can't focus. I try to bear the pain and it works but that can't last long. I just have to keep fighting the pain away. Just like I always have. It's defiantly not going to last long because I'm starting to get dizzy. Like the world spinning around dizzy. I look up at where Hodge is sitting but Hodge isn't there. It's Valentine. Despite the progress I've made of not letting Valentine scare me, I scream. I try to back away but I ache too much to move so I scream louder.

"GET AWAY FROM ME VALENTINE!" I scream as loud as I can, making my lungs burn. But then Valentine fades into Hodge and I finally black out.

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I expect myself to wake up in a hospital but I don't. I can just smell coffee. I'm still at the coffee shop. I sit up and scream again. The pain is still there. Even if it's not as bad. It still hurts like a bitch. I scan the room and instead of a room full of men, there is 4 guys and 1 girl. I search all their faces looking at me and recognize them all. Alec, Magnus, Jace, Hodge and Jocelyn. I'm still lying in the booth but I'm on the table. I get down even though my body screams in pain and slump into the nearest chair. I feel sick and I think I might vomit. My ankle is noticeably cold and bandaged. They must have put ice on it. My head throbs and I hold it, groaning. Jocelyn rushes over to me.

"Are you okay?" I shake my head and lean to the side and vomit. I'm not sure where that came from. It could just be mix of everything. But I know that vomiting didn't help a bit. It just made my throat hurt and my lungs ache. "Honey. I'm sorry this happened to you." I stand up still sore but I need to get out. Now. I take a step but stumble and Jace rushes to help me. I push him away and stand up straight, looking into his golden eyes that I used to find comfort in.

"Don't ever come near me again!" I scream into his face. I shift, putting my weight on my injured ankle. I hiss as the pain shots up my leg.

"Clary. Please." Jace begs. I laugh despite how I'm feeling and spit to the side. I look back at him.

"I trusted you. All of you!" I point at everyone in this shop but stop at Hodge. "You didn't even give me a chance." He looks guilty and that's what I need right now. "I don't want to see any of you again." I start to walk out of the shop limping. I hear them telling me to come back but I ignore their pleas. They did this to me. And I know exactly what to do. I'm going to face the demon. I'm going to Valentine and he is going to train me to fight because I'm not letting that happen again. I'm not going to be weak. There is 2 parts to that. 1 is to train with Valentine and 2 is to stop caring. I walk down the street and pull out my phone again. Great…. A crack straight down the middle of it. Thanks Hodge you bastard. Do I even have his phone number? I groan as I type in those few numbers. This is humiliating. I need his number though.

"Clary?" Alec voice runs into the phone.

"What's his number?!" I demand into phone. I know Alec knows who I'm talking about.

"I'm not giving you it."

"You are going to give me his number or I'm jumping out the window again without failure."

"You wouldn't." He sounds upset and that is exactly what I want.

"Try me." He's silent like he is debating whether or not I would actually do it. Of course I wouldn't. Self-pity is weakness. And weakness is part of caring. And caring is what gets you in these messes.

"I can't give you it."

"The blood is on your hands then." I hang up the phone and not even 5 seconds later a text message comes up from Alec. Thank you Alec. I dial in the numbers and he picks up on the second ring.

"Hello." I hate that voice. No! You don't care.

"Hey Valentine. Long time no speak." I say into the phone.

"Clary?"

"Come pick me up a block away from Java Jones. I'm waiting." I have a bad habit of hanging up on people like that. But I think it's the only way to get things done and the message across.

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Valentine still lives in the same house we were in before. Just messier. That's because I wasn't here to clean it up. It's a miracle he still gets food. I stand at the couch as Valentine locks up his door. He turns around and looks at me skeptically. I take a seat and Valentine snorts.

"Please make yourself at home." He takes a seat on the other side of the room on the small chair that Valentine usually made me sit in as he got his torture weapons ready.

"Well I do live here now." I cross my legs on the couch and keep eye contact with him even when he moves back in shock. I smirk at him as he tries to regain his authority over me. He puts his stern look on.

"No way."

"I used to think you were the worst man on this earth and I still do most of the time but I know how much you really care and that you aren't as bad as you used to be."

"That explains why I beat you?" He is trying to scare me.

"No. Being a coward is what explains that. But there is one thing you need to understand, I don't care anymore. Not at all. So you are going to make just like the Endarkned."

"An assassin?"

"Exactly."

"I can't do that!" He raises his hands above his head in anger/disbelief. I jump up off the couch and grab the shot glass on the table and throw it next to his head. He's still drinking. At least something is still normal.

"You can and you will do it." He looks shocked. He never imagined his little daughter -he has been trying to protect- to do this to him. "Or may god have mercy on your demented soul."

"I don't want you to become like me!" He said that without hesitation and I just shake my head laughing. It's funny because he is serious. What happened to Valentine who raped and beat me every night? I don't know what is real. The good or bad side. But someone can't change that quickly.

"You don't get it. I'm already like you. The difference is that I'm getting attacked but I have no way to defend myself. Now if you are as good as you are acting, you will teach me to be part of the Endarkned. Am I understood?" He nods pathetically but he straightens up.

"Training starts tomorrow."

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**Sorry if I'm a bit rusty but I have had a long time off from writing this fanfic. I really hope you enjoyed it. **


	22. A Week On

**Hello again! I have got another chapter for you all! Thank you for being so patient and I hope you like where this story is going. Please PM if you don't. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and make sure to leave a review!**

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I expected someone especially my mom or Alec to call me and tell me to come back but a week has gone past and I haven't heard from them or seen them. I guess they don't really care. I don't blame them. I have been nothing but trouble in their lives and I don't blame them for wanting to get out of it but I thought they would put up a fight. I guess I'm not important to them anymore. And it hurts. I can't believe I'm back to square one. The only one that slightly cares is Valentine and now I'm back to the place I was running from. I'm sitting in my old bedroom on my bed. Valentine is sitting across from me on the floor.

"Stop caring Clary. Caring is weakness." Valentine tells me still watching me. He has watched me all day, seeing if I was alone if I would start to care.

"I'm trying but it hurts." I fight back the tears that are forming in my eyes but because of Valentines intense training, I have been able to control my emotions easier. I've even learnt how to shut out my emotions until it's a small dull in my chest. Valentine gets up and grabs my hand. He has been nicer but he's still an abusive father. But I know why he does it now. So I can fight back and I have won 2 times. I'm getting undeniably stronger, faster and less emotional. It's everything I need to be strong.

"I get it but you are so close. I've never seen such potential in a person before." I look at him and shake my head. I'm being weak, I know I am but I need once a week where I can empty out my emotions so I can be emotionless later. I need that now too. I'm going out tomorrow for the first time. I might see someone. I need to be ready. I keep thinking about if I should go back to my school. Valentine organized for me to take the first semester off so I can focus on training. I didn't realize school started until five days ago. School started 9 days ago. No one bothered to tell me. I hate them. And I hate Valentine. I laugh and rip my head away from his grip.

"It's your fault you know. All of this." I walk out the door and go out onto the balcony. I stand there looking at the sunset until I hear Valentines heavy footsteps come near me. I look behind my shoulder at him and I see a sword in his hands. He is not serious is he? He stands beside me with a tight grip on the sword. I don't need a sword!

"Clary. The Endarkened know you have been with me and I don't really think they will let you go without any problem." His hands reach out and the sword is in front of me. "I wanted to talk to you about if you wanted to join the Endarkened. We could use someone like you."

"I don't want a sword. I don't need it. And I won't join the group ever. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I like you at all." Valentines eyes dig into mine and he raises his hand, slapping me in the cheek. I reach my hand out, grabbing the exposed sword and swinging it around so the point is at his throat. I would have never have dared to even think of doing this before but I've changed and this is the first thing on my mind. Valentine taught me to act at any slight threat and now it's backfired. His eyes are wide as he raises his hands up in surrender.

"At least I know I taught you well." I pull the sword back and don't give it to him because everything is a competition to him and I will end up with a sword at my throat.

"You're unbelievable." To make my exit more awesome, I swing the sword around my hand. A talent I learnt from the man himself and walk out the door, slamming it shut behind me. I realize I need keys to get anywhere so I quietly open the door and reach next it to his keys before he notices because that would be embarrassing. I close the door silently and turn around falling down the stairs. I wince in humiliation and pain. I have bruises everywhere on me from the training and I ache from the amount of training we do. I push myself up and unlock Valentines expensive new car. He is going to be mad about me taking that. I shove the sword in the back seat getting angry. I hate Valentine. I don't honestly know how I'm feeling at the moment. But I need to shut out those emotions if I'm going back to the place where my emotions will bound to go crazy. Back to that damned boarding school.

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I park the car, grabbing the sword. This car is expensive and it's bound to be broke into by some idiot and I don't need them getting a sword as well. I shove the sword under my jacket and hold the handle end like my life depended on it. As long as I have this, I will remember that my emotions are weakness, I will remember Valentine and all he has taught me in a week. I'm trying to not sound cocky or anything but I'm really good at being an assassin. I have all the skills. I guess that is what happens when you have Valentines blood in your veins. I spit outside the front doors in disgust of remembering that unpleasant fact. I walk inside the building expecting to have emotions flood me but when I step inside, it's not even close. I feel numb. Like when I shut off my emotions. It's a relief. But it also makes me think that my old sanctuary is now somewhere I don't want to be. But I don't feel sad or angry. I feel nothing. And I bet my face says the same thing. Like I do even recognize this place because it's just as bad as Valentines home. A sick place with revolting memories and secrets but I don't care. I shouldn't and I don't. I turn down the once familiar halls until reach the stairs that go up to my floor. To my room. I climb them not thinking about anything except the sword under my jacket. I open the doors to my floor and thankfully it's deserted. It's a Tuesday night. Kids don't tend to go outside their room on these days. I tiptoe down the hall to my room and realize I don't have my keys to get in considering I stole Valentines. I resort to the only thing I can think of. I bounce back down stairs to the main office and smile at the blonde at the desk.

"Can I have keys to my room please?" I ask politely. She squints her eyes.

"Are you Clary Fray? The one that jumped." I nod and frown at her. Really? That's how they remember me.

"Yes. Now can I have the keys?"

"Aren't you meant to be on holiday?" I stare at her and shake my head. I jump over the desk, holding the sword against my chest so she won't see it and she gasps at my body landing inches away from her. I smile at her.

"I don't have time because I need to get clothes so I can get back to my holiday." I whisper as I bend over and grab the spare keys off its hook. "Thank you." I smile at the stunned girl and she nods her head as I walk around the desk this time. I rush up the stairs getting impatient. Dammit the emotions are there. I grip the sword harder as I rush down the hallway. Now I don't care if I'm being quite. I just want to get into my room. Thankfully the keys work and I slip inside. I still feel nothing. No happiness or sadness. It's just another place to sleep. I look at my bed and I'm surprised it wasn't broken. Jocelyn must have brought a new one while I was gone. I don't need a new and unbroken bed. I need…. I need nothing but my will to move forward. To forget my emotions but I let it slip as I feel sad and a few tears slide down my cheeks. I lay on my bed trying to get back to my uncaring state and drift off to sleep clutching the sword. I don't care that I may pierce my heart while I sleep. My life is all about survival but I would be okay if I killed myself. That something I could handle if there is an afterlife. Just like they say in Eminem's song, 'This is survival of the fittest. It's do or die'. That's my life in a few words.

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**Hopefully that wasn't to short!**


	23. Boarding School Days

**Hey! Another chapter is up! Yay! I'm finally getting back into the routine but just so you know I won't be posting daily. I promise I will update as much as possible but in the meantime, make sure to leave a review! I am currently at school in the music room so I'm sorry if this chapter has mistakes and all. I only briefly checked it. I also wanted to say that the support has been awesome so thank you so much! I really appreciate it. Anyway, ENJOY! :)**

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I woke up to a small sharp pain. Sure enough the point of the sword was digging into my already bruised cheek. Great. Blood comes out in a small and slow flow. I pull up the white blanket that lays under me and wipe the blood off my face. I place the sword next to me and stand up to stretch in the morning sun because smart me forgot to shut the curtains last night. Luckily, it was a bit overcast so I wasn't completely blinded by the sun. I do however wonder how I slept as long as I do with that much light. But I know the answer. I finally got a sort of decent sleep. I turn around and it says 6:58. 4 hours sleep? That's amazing. I pad into the bathroom and look into the mirror. When I see that red head in the mirror, I gasp and stumble back. Once again, falling into the bath. I curse every curse word I can think of as I push my bruised body out of the cold porcelain tub. That damn bath is going to be the death of me. I look back into the mirror and I can't help but gasp again. I look like shit. Complete and utter shit. Other than the fact that I have that scar on my cheek, my other cheek has a cut from the sword and that half of my face is literally covered in bruises. Half my face is blue, purple, black, green and brownish. I grimace at the sight and sure enough that hurts. My clothes barely fit me anymore because I'm way more fitter and they hang off my body like I'm wearing some muscular guys oversized top. Yep. It's that big. My hair is a tangled mess, hardly in its ponytail anymore. Granted, that was probably because I'm a restless sleeper but it just adds to my hobo look. I have patches on my arms and legs of bruises. Not to mention the huge bruise on the side of my body. That was probably when Valentine pushed me against a brick wall over and over claiming he did it to see if I could fight back and clearly, I didn't. But lastly was my green eyes, they lost their shine ages ago but now they look even more dull then before. Like I have no soul. And some people may say that now that I shut out my emotions. But I haven't seen eyes so dead before.

"What has he done to you?" I whisper to myself running a towel under the sink and pressing it to my injured cheek. I huff out a big sigh and walk back into my bedroom. I stop dead in my tracks when I hear someone fiddle with the door handle outside my door. I pull down the towel slowly, wrapping the two ends around my fists. I make sure to leave enough space in case I need to strangle them or something. I don't know. This is the first time I have been without Valentine for a week and Hodge could be on the other side. I hear a grunt and I just automatically think its Hodge. I remember what Valentine said. They are coming after me! I hide behind the door as it creaks open. I pray that the person will not try to open the door all the way. I'm so unlucky. The door collides into me and I smack my bruised body into the wall. I bite my lip as the person tries to open all the way again. Another pain flashes up and down my body. The door suddenly slams shut as a human form stands in front of me. Without thinking because they hurt me, I dash behind them and before they can turn around, I throw the towel over there tall head and tug backwards. I place my foot on their back and pull back whilst pushing him forward. And it works because I hear choking and see hands prying the towel away. I tug harder till the persons head is next to mine and long locks brush mine. I freeze and let go of the towel within a millisecond. Breathing heavily, I run back to my bed and stand on the opposite side that Jace is standing, trying to get some air. He looks at me with a confused look and I look right back at him. I feel terrible and I want to apologize but my head is yelling 'threat' to me. Anyone in the Endarkened is a threat to me. I blame Valentine for that trust issue.

"What the hell was that?!" Jace roars obviously gotten his breath back. He tries to round the bed but I climb on top of it. Keeping as much distance I can between him and me. He looks at me looking more confused than before but I can see in his eyes that he is outraged. I did try to strangle him of course.

"What where you doing trying to get into my room?!" I yell back, matching his angry tone.

"You aren't allowed to ask questions!" He yells back. I thought he would try to get closer but thankfully he is keeping his distance.

"I will do what I want Jace!"

"No!"

"You had my trust at one point Jace! I would have listened to you! I would have not asked questions! But you lost that a long time ago!" I scream back.

"I trusted you too! Then you do all this crap!" He crosses his arms over a heaving chest.

"Crap! It isn't crap!"

"It is! You kept running and running! Now you've ran back to Valentine! He is the one you hate! Not us!" He knew where I was yet he didn't bother seeing me. That's why I don't trust him.

"I was running from you!" A tear slides down my check. Since when did I let emotions get to me? Jace looks at me like I just insulted his mother. I wipe the tear of my face and straighten up. No emotions Clary! Emotions are what weakens you! What kills you! What kills everyone else! I close my eyes, getting in my own nightmare of everyone I did care about die because I let myself care. That is enough to get me to shut my emotions down like I was trained to. I open my eyes and Jace is watching me. I look at Jace and I no longer feel anger or sadness. I just see another face. I know my face is straight because right now I'm back to feeling numb. Jace is angry but more confused and concerned right now at my changed dilemma.

"Clary?" He asks coming closer. I don't move this time. I just watch him from where I stand on top of the bed.

"Jace." I say back and my voice is monotone.

"Clary. What are you doing?" He gets up on the bed standing next to me and I thought I would feel something but I don't.

"What are you doing Jace?"

"Clary. Stop this. You're scaring me." He touches me and I feel my stomach do flips but I ignore it as much as I can. I take a deep breath and look into his eyes.

"Goodbye Jace." I jump off the bed and grab the sword that lays under the cover and shove it under my oversized t-shirt. Jace watches with wide eyes. I get to the door and open it with my free hand. I walk out and almost close it behind me but I just need to see Jaces face once more before I run again. "See, I'm running from you again." I slam the door after that and head down the corridor. I hear a door open and pray it isn't Jace.

"Clary?" It's Alec. I turn to him and stare at him blankly. He moves towards me with a look of surprise. He stands in front of me, scanning me with his blue eyes. "What happened to you? You're covered in bruises." I nod at him and turn around to walk away but he runs in front of me and catches my arm. I look back at him.

"Clar-"

"Goodbye Alec." I cut him off with my monotone voice again. Alec searches my face for a second but a door opens and this time Jace comes out. He walks up to us with puffy red eyes. He has been crying because of me. Alec looks at Jace as he stands next to him watching me. I stare back with a little ache in my stomach.

"What has happened to her?" Alec asks Jace with teary eyes.

"Valentine." Jace replies and he sounds broken. His voice doesn't sound confident, just unsure of everything around him. They both look at me intensely and I need to get out before this dull ache becomes something bigger. I didn't get this far to brake again. I did the most stupid thing but I knew they would let me go.

"Let me go." I growl in my throat. Alec looks surprised but he doesn't give up like I expected him to. I'm showing too much emotion. I resort to something else. I sit on the floor and stare straight ahead as my tired arm is still in Alecs grip above my head.

"What are we meant to do?!" Alec cries from above me.

"I don't know." Jace whispers back. I look back up at Alec that looks at me with tears rolling down his face. He lets go of my arm and I jump up. I look at both of them and we stand there looking at each other for seconds that I can't count. I nod and pull out the sword. Both the boys gasp but I wasn't going to use it on them. I shove it into my oversized pants so the blade was pointing towards my chest. I pull the oversized shirt over top and look at their confused, hurt and sad expressions.

"I didn't want this." I whisper to them then shove both their shoulders as I walk to the stairs. I don't look back at all but I run down the stairs. I reach the front lobby and race to Valentines car. It hasn't been stolen or broken into. That's good news. I hope into the driver's seat and back out of the parking spot. I drive out of the schools car park onto the road. Then I cry. And I don't stop at all the whole day that I drove around. I pull over to blow my nose on my oversized top whilst I fiddle with the room key in my hand. I'm going back but no one will know because I will only go in at night then during the day I will train with Valentine. I can officially say, welcome to hell.

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**Over 2,000 words! Yay! I hope you enjoyed that! I'm really enjoying typing this story at the moment and it's getting more and more awesome! I hope you guys agree! Anyway, I should go to class so I will see you next chapter! :) (That should be soon)**


	24. Chasing Jace

**Hi once again! Here is the new chapter! I don't have much to say but thanks for the continued support and I hope you are liking this story so far! Anyway, enjoy this chapter and make sure to leave a review! :)**

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"I don't understand why she has a sword!" I hear Jace yell from next door. These god damned walls are too thin. I smash my fist against the wall despite the fact I didn't want them to know I'm here.

"Can you shut up?!" I scream directly into the wall and it feels so strange, it's not every day that you scream at a wall. But it's not normal for nearly everyone you know to be an assassin so why am I complaining? Yelling at a wall should be normal for me. They are quiet and I hear them shut their door followed by a knock on mine.

"Clary?!" Jace yells from out in the hall and I groan. That was a dumb idea. "Clary! Open the door now!"

"Nope!" I scream back and don't move from my bed. He is silent and I jump out of bed, moving towards the door, thinking he left me alone for once. But once again I was wrong. The door comes flying open directly into my injured face. I smack into the ground groaning in pain as the ache multiplies. Hands fly out, grabbing the front of my top and yanking me to stand up. A fuming Jace is standing there with an expression I don't think I can place. I can honestly say I'm in absolute shock right now because I'm not moving or saying anything like I should be. I'm just searching Jace's face not sure what I'm looking for. He lets go for a moment and I thought he was letting me free but he just switches to grabbing my much bruised shoulders, backing me up to a wall.

"Do you really think you can just come back here after a week and do this to us?!" He is so mad and his face is turning a nice shade of red. I keep flinching and wincing but it seems all that Jace wants is for me to talk to him. To give him answers.

"I don't think Jace. I do." I say back matching his anger. I know I shouldn't show emotion but getting Jace angry might make him leave me alone. And that's all I'm asking for. Time alone.

"You never think! It's all about you isn't it!" He spits back and his grip gets tighter. I bite my lip to keep from yelling out in pain.

"It's not! I'm doing what I'm doing because it's best for me! Not for you! I don't care what you are feeling because you all left me!"

"We didn't!"

"I thought we had something at one point and I can assure you that you where my safe place one time in this miserable life but then you chose Hodge over me! I will always choose my friends over anything else!"

"You chose Valentine over us!"

"I chose Valentine to protect me! I'm in a crappy situation and I have no way to defend myself! And besides, the moment you chose Hodge over me, you were no longer my friend."

"We could have protected you! We know how!" He is shaking me against the wall now. His temper is noticeably deflating the more I talk to him. It's getting more desperate.

"But you didn't! You let Hodge nearly kill me!"

"I need to stay close to Hodge!"

"Why?!"

"To protect everyone I love! As soon as they know I'm with Valentine. My family will be hunted down by Hodge. I can't let that happen."

"Family before Friends. I wish I understood but I never had a real family." Now I'm no longer angry but a babbling mess. Jace seems lost for words and so he should be. I sure am.

"What am I to you then?" Jace whispers and his grip on my shoulders go limp.

"Someone who won't leave me alone." I don't believe it and I hope Jace doesn't either. Here is a clear example why emotions are weakness. Now I want to save Jace when I should be saving myself. I need time to shut off and that's what I do. I shut my eyes and see the upsetting vision. That's really all I need. I open my eyes into golden eyes searching my face. His face changes in a blink of an eye into complete desperation. He shakes me but I don't do anything. I don't cry or tell him to stop. I stare at him blankly like he is just someone on the street.

"Clary?" He is still shaking me and I know that he knows that I've shut out my emotions. "Don't do this again!" He screams and starts crying. Right in front of me. And my chest aches but I can't let this slip. Not yet. "Clary!" He sounds so frantic. Shaking me and crying. "If you wanted to know how to fight, you should have asked us! We wouldn't have made you into an emotionless wreck!" He drags me into a hug but I stay still and stiff. I will defiantly regret that later because it feels like arms are trying to reach out of my chest and grab him but I refuse to let them out. But he grabs the side of my body and my emotionless state goes out the window as I yell in pain. I screech and push away from Jace who is literally trembling. Like I hurt him or something. I know I have. I just can't accept that. I stand there looking at him. I only just noticed I'm trembling too. Jace reaches out his hand and slowly places it on the same spot and I hiss in pain. He just looks at me and doesn't say anything. I didn't know what I expected to happen but I wasn't expecting him to take my shirt off. I'm so glad I wore a singlet this morning. But what is he doing?! I take steps backwards but he grabs my arm, willing me to stop. With trembling hands, he pulls the side of my singlet up to reveal the bruises running up my body. He gasps at the marks that are all the colours of the rainbow and immediately drops my singlet back down. He just stares at me with red puffy eyes then walks out my room, slamming the door. I don't know what he is going to do but I need to keep him out of trouble. So I run out my room after him. I run out the door slamming it behind me. Jace is quickly striding down the hall and frankly I don't know what to do. I slam my fists on Alecs door and yell for him to help. He is quick to the door and after seeing my face, closes it behind him like he knows what is happening.

"Jace-"I can't form a single sentence but Alec just knows.

"Follow him. I'm getting Magnus and Sebastian." I nod and run down the hall to the steps that Jace is descending down. In my rush, I fall down a bunch of steps. Earning me more bruises and aches but I keep going because I don't know what Jace is going to do. But I'm scared. For him and for me. I scream his name and tell him to slow down but he keeps going like he can't hear me but I know he can. We reach the lobby and Jace starts running out to his car. I hear the quick footsteps of Alec, Magnus and Sebastian come down the stairs. I know that Jace will probably speed to where ever the hell he is going and I know I won't be able to compete with that. But I do know that Magnus has gotten a nice amount of speeding tickets so our best chance is him.

"Magnus. DRIVE!" I yell, throwing the keys at him like in a movie and jump in the back seat. Magnus climbs in the front with Alec. I'm stuck with Sebastian in the back but that doesn't matter right now. What matters is Jace. When I look to where he was packed before, he is no longer there. Jace's car is already on the road outside the school. I yell at Magnus to drive again and he starts driving like his life depended on it after Jace.

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**Let me just say, I'm so excited for the next chapter! I hope you guys are too! **


	25. Losing Control

**Finally the new chapter is up! I'm not sure how I feel about this one but I hope you guys like it! And I just wanted to mention how excited I am for Insurgent to come out! YAY! I hope it lives up to it's expectations! Anyway, thanks for the amazing support you have been giving. Especially '**_Sky Amberjade_' **who has been incredibly supportive and I can't thank you enough! I hope you guys like it and make sure to leave a review!**

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I've never in my life gotten out of a car this fast before. I can see Jace getting out of his car, getting ready to run again but I'm quicker. I literally leap on top of him, tackling him to the ground. We land onto the ground with the sound of a body mass slapping against the grey pavement outside my old house. I land on top of him but rip the skin off my knees. They are gushing out blood on the pavement making it a disgusting red. I can't imagine what Jace looks like. It's just lucky his reflexes are quick as he flipped his body around so he landed on his back. And somehow he kept me on top of him in his pursuit to protect his delicate and pretty face. He groans and pushes me off. I watch him kneel on the pavement, gripping his scratched back.

"Jace-"I start to apologize but I'm cut off by a door smashing open. A fuming Valentine stands at the top of the steps and a wave off anger covers me completely. It's like I'm drowning in anger and all I can think and feel is how angry I am. God, I wish I brought my sword. I just want to kill him right now. I don't have a reason but I just really want to. I stand up despite the scream from my bleeding knees and aching body and position myself in front of an unsteady Jace trying to stand up. I look at Alec and dart my eyes back to Jace behind me, indicating for him to help Jace. As usual, he understands and rushes to Jace. Magnus comes to stand next to me followed by Sebastian positioning himself on the other side. Valentine just watches the scene in front of him with a smirk and I picture myself cutting the smirk off his face. Not slapping it but cutting it off. That's how bad my anger is right now. He starts to laugh and my anger starts to boil. I don't know why I'm angry but I'm so angry right now.

"My children" Valentine says not moving at all, losing his smirk and laughter.

"We are not your children!" Sebastian yells from beside me. I want to smack him. I want to smack everyone and kill Valentine.

"You are the children of the Endarkened. Therefore, you are my children." He opens his arms like he expects us to run to him like a happy family reunion. It's far from it.

"They aren't! I however, have the displeasure of having you as my biological father!" I yell back but I'm distracted by hearing a huge groan and grunt from behind me and I see Jace finally on his feet looking as mad as ever. He nudges past me hard and I fall onto the blood stained pavement but I'm back on my feet in an instance to tackle him again but Sebastian is already on it and for the first time in a long time, I thank him in my head. I hear footsteps pounding down steps and I step in front of Jace again so I'm facing Valentine face to face.

"MOVE CLARY!" He roars as I take a step closer.

"No!" I scream back and shove him in the chest, sending him a couple steps back.

"I'm going to kill him!" Valentine is standing still but he is in a battle stance with clenched fists and teeth.

"No you won't! You won't touch any of them!" I yell and advance towards him. I hear Jace and Sebastian both grunting and I silently wish that Alec will step in.

"Why are you defending them?! I'm your family!"

"You were never my family! They were!" I point behind me and I hear quick footsteps as Jace grabs the back of my top and yanks me back. I don't fall this time, just stumble. Before I can stop him, Jace is tackling Valentine to the ground. I yell for them to stop and yell at Alec to do something but he shakes his head. What the hell Alec?! I run up to them as Valentine throws Jace to the side. Before Valentine can get to his feet, I slam my fist into his face without thinking. Valentine looks at me shocked momentarily but he quickly reacts. He grabs my sore legs and yanks them out for underneath me so I land on my back, making me scream in pain. I have been taught by Valentine that once you are in a fight, you are in it until someone dies or the fight is stopped respectively. Wise advice Valentine. I kick my leg free right into the middle of his throat, directly on his windpipe. He makes a strange strangled sound in the back of his throat. I slowly get to my feet and walk up to Valentine and pry his hands off his throat and replace it with my foot. I press harder and he can't breathe again. I hear Jace screaming for me to stop but all I can see and think is killing Valentine. All I can see is red. 2 pairs of hands grab my shoulders and throw me back into Magnus and Sebastian. They catch me before I hit the ground thankfully. If I smack into the ground one more time, I'm going to pass out. Jace stands there watching me with a heaving chest that is stained with blood. I didn't see Alec move but has Valentine pinned to the ground. My eyes are narrowed on Valentine and my thoughts are all the ways I can kill him right now. I'm not thinking, I'm just doing. Just like I told Jace before. I start to run forward to strangle him again but Jace grabs me before I can reach him. Jace is screaming my name over and over but I fight against his grip. Trying to get to Valentines throat.

"Clary! You're going to kill him!" I stop struggling and stand completely still, not thinking anything. Valentine is still pale in the face and gasping for air. I start to shake as Jace continues to call my name but I grab his hands and yank them off my shaking body. I turn and walk to Valentines car. I get in not knowing what I'm doing and lock all the doors. Jace bashes on the glass, telling me to unlock the door but I start the car and back out of the driveway. I put the car into drive but I can't will myself to push down onto the pedal. Instead I start to sob. Quietly at first but it turns into body racking sobs as I sit in an unmoving car in the middle of the road. Luckily it isn't as busy but there are still cars. They just honk and pass me. I hear Jace bang on the window but I'm crying too much to unlock the car. I nearly killed someone. I know it was Valentine and he deserves to die but I nearly killed him. I nearly murdered someone. Took their life away. I hear the shatter of glass as the passenger seat next to me gets rained on by razor sharp glass. A hand reaches in and opens the door from the inside. I hear Jace tell me that it's okay as he unlocks all the doors. He walks to the driver's side and opens it, only for my shaking body to fall into his shaking arms.

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**I hope you enjoyed that and it wasn't too short!**


	26. Betrayal

**Hey guys... I'm so sorry that I haven't posted anything for so long! I don't really have an excuse other then being busy. I have tried to write a longer chapter then usual to make up for not posting. Thank you guys for the outstanding support! It's amazing and I can't thank you enough! I hope you like this chapter just as much as the rest and make sure to leave a review, favorite and follow! I will try to post a new chapter more often!**

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"She doesn't need any more pain." A husky voice says from behind me. It holds a softness to it that I feel like I know too well. A warm grip rests around my waist and I hear the crack of a fire sitting in a nearby fireplace. And I feel peaceful, like nothing is wrong. That Jace and I are normal teenagers. "Valentine has done nothing but ruin her life but does that justify the fact that she nearly killed him." I want to jump up and do something. Whether that is to explain why I did it, I don't know but he is talking to someone. I need to find out who it's. If it's Alec then I'm okay with letting this go for now but anyone else, I will need to talk about this.

"I don't know Jace! By the sounds of it, he has killed her millions of times. But Jace! Why haven't you told me about this?!" The voice is too high pitched to be Alec or Magnus or Sebastian. "She is my best friend Jace! Simon's too! I know we didn't end on the best of terms but this is something bigger then my stupidity! I left her for something she didn't even do!" I hear someone slump onto a bed with the springs creaking. I jump to my feet without a moment hesitation because it's clear who is here. Izzy stands there shocked and in all black. Why are we here? Why is she here? Behind her is Simon in a green sweater and blue jeans. We are all so stunned right now so I take the opportunity to look around the room to try to figure out where we are. Jace is lying on a brown couch, in front of a burning fire. Behind the couch is Izzy and Simon who are both now sitting on the queen sized bed that is covered in a purple sheets with an oak bed frame and head board. There seems to be an old chair leaning on the wall in the corner that is light pink but it's missing a leg. This has to be Izzy's new room. I look at the ceiling and walls expecting to see an absurd shade of purple but they are a dark grey, almost black. The plush carpet however had a light purple tint to it, giving a nice contrast to the room but it feels gloomy. There's no lights which gives me an uneasy feeling that we are hiding from something. From someone. It feels like it was once a happy place but not anymore. I can't help but feel that it's my fault that it feels this way. I make eye contact with Izzy and she looks at me like I'm damaged and fragile. "Clary? Are you okay?" Izzy sounds beyond upset, like she could cry any minute.

"Ummmmm…." I start to answer an unanswerable question but I can't form a sentence that seems fit. I honestly don't know if I'm okay or not. I look down at Jace like he might have the answers but when I look at him, all I see is the stupid stunt he pulled yesterday. Or was it before? I have no clue. "Are you crazy?!" I yell at him instead of answering Izzy's question. He raises an eyebrow like I'm the crazy one.

"Partially." He answers back smugly. Jace is such a prick. This is serious.

"You could have got us killed!" I raise my hands over my head in anger towards Jace and his stupidity lately.

"But you aren't!" Izzy intercepts and I look at her in shock. She knows! And she is on Jace's side! And so is Simon! How do they know about this?! I shake my head back and forth in their direction whilst screaming no over and over. I subconsciously clenched my fists and they are starting to go numb.

"Clary. You need to care down." Simon comes closer to me with his arms out stretched like he expects me to hug him.

"I don't want your hugs and pity!" I yell in his face, pushing him back onto the couch next to a worried, rigid and confused Jace. "I wanted to keep you guys safe! That's all I've been trying to do and you guys keep coming back! You're making it even more difficult!" They looking at me emotionless but I know better. I know they're thinking I'm mad and a lost cause. That just makes me even madder. "This is your fault!" I yell pointing at Jace whose face twists into anger. He jumps up, getting closer to me with a glare that could kill you.

"You are yelling at me for what I've done but look at you!" I look down at my blood stained, ripped and dirty jeans and Blink 182 jumper. It looks like I've been in a fight but to be fair I have. "You nearly killed him Clary!" His eyes are so intense, I have to look away but no matter where I look, I can feel his gold eyes burning into me. What happened to the Jace before? Sitting on the couch with his arms around me. That's what I want. No yelling and almost deaths. Just me and Jace. Sitting by the fire in a peaceful state. But there's no way that can happen to me or anyone else in this room now. I have been running and fighting against the Endarkened but now I think I am one. I'm set to get Valentine. Same as them. I'm in something I don't know how to get out of. I hear a car honk from outside. I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach like something bad is coming. I look to Jace to see if has the same feeling but he is slumped over and look guilty even though he looked extremely mad before. And I know exactly why he looks this way. He has called someone to get me. He keeps betraying me and I want to smack him over and over. Instead, I squint my eyes at him.

"Who did you call?" My voice is low and menacing. It sounds deadly in my ears.

"Hodge." He replies and now he refuses to meet my eyes. Oh how the tables have turned.

"What?!" Simon and Izzy both yell coming towards us. Simon grabs me to drag me out as Izzy starts to yell at Jace like it's the last thing she will do. And to think she pretty much hated me the last time I saw her. She yell things like 'How could you do this to her?!" But her words are getting more unclear every second. Simon is dragging me out the door into the lobby. I see briefly men dressed in black stomp up the stairs to the front door of the building.

"Clary! Downstairs!" Simon yells so loud I think anyone could hear it. He adverts him eyes to the room closes to us with an oak door like the rest in the building. He yanks it open and pushes us both inside, pulling the door shut with a quite squeak.

"Downstairs!" I recognize the booming voice as Hodges. He fell for Simon's plan. I knew Simon was smart but I didn't know he was good under pressure. I always thought he would have a panic attack but I guess that's what happens when you are full of adrenaline. You don't stop until the last beat of your heart. I'm looking at Simon in shock but he's still pushing on. He ran away once but now he's back and protecting me. I thought I lost all my friends but really I always had them. They were just getting stronger and that's what I need. But I can't overlook the fact that I'm beyond mad for many reasons. Simon's sharp and quick breaths stir the hair that has fallen out of its ponytail. I glance around the room as Simon peeks out the door. It's a closet. It has mops and blankets and spare parts for what I think is used for doors. I glance up at the top shelf and notice a camera above it. There's always a flaw in every plan.

"Simon, what's downstairs?" He pops his head back in and shuts the door. He's looking at me like why on earth I would ask such a question.

"Junk, radio station, control room-"

"Simon! There's a camera!" I yell grabbing the nearest item on the shelf. It's heavy and shaped like a gear. I throw it at the camera and it smashes the lens. Simon looks at me horrified. A heavy smashing of boots comes from downstairs.

"RUN!" Simon yells pulling me after him. We run down many halls until we reach the kitchen. There is lunch ladies screaming for us to get out. I snatch a knife from the nearest table that is covered in green stuff. Broccoli. EWWW!

"You need to distract the Endarkened!" I tell Simon as I slip the knife into the front of my jeans. A lunch lady is running towards us. She looks just like the generic lunch lady. Simon yanks me out the door before any of the lunch ladies can get their hands on me. "Go right. I'm going to the carpark. Wait 5 minutes then come out. Trust me on this." I whisper to him and he nods. I watch him run down the hall yelling "RUN CLARY RUN!". I run towards the door, passing the Endarkened who has their backs turned towards me. I reach the doors but I hear someone yell 'there she is!' but I don't stop, I run faster. I run to their black car and duck behind the trunk. I pull out the knife and puncture the two back wheels. I run around the side as the men runs to the other side. I slash the tire and to my luck, the guys run to the trunk side rather to the side I'm on. I circle around the front and slash the last front tire. I slip the knife back and crawl around the side only to meet a pair of black boots. The person yanks me up and I'm met by the familiar face of Hodge. His ragged breath smells of coffee and smoke. I want to puke.

"Come on." He drags me by the collar into the backseat of their car. I'm sitting in the backseat by myself with Hodge and some other guy in the front. The other 4 men stand around the car. How are they getting out?

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We have drove 20km out south, taking right and left abrupt turns here and there but the car begins to slow down. I hea metal scrap against metal and smile. Hodge grunts getting out of the car telling the other guy to help him. He bends over to me, tying a rope around my wrists. He climbs out after Hodge and kneels to examine the front right tire. Big mistake. I dip my head and grab my jumper between my teeth and lift it up, revealing the knife. I drag the rope against the blade that is sideways until I think I can yank the rest apart. Half way through I try and the rope snaps apart. I pull the knife out with the rope still rubbing and burning against my wrists, then I get ready to run out the left door. I swing open the door and sprint. I hear Hodge yell and a single pair of feet run after me. I'm so glad that I'm fitter and faster otherwise this would of never worked. I run for as long as I remember how to get back but I'm stuck on a road and I don't know where to go. I turn around, bring the knife out towards me. The guy stops chasing me.

"What are you going to do? Kill me from over there?" The guy voice booms just like Hodge and I start to shake from the adrenaline in my veins.

"No but I will stab you." I say back. His eyes widen but he laughs. I bring my arm back and point towards him leg. I fling the knife forward and in a couple of seconds, the guy is screaming and clutching his leg that has a knife protruding from it. I turn and run again, taking a left turn because I know I can't stop. It feels like I have been running for hours but it's only been minutes. A rusty red car speeds down the road towards me and I relax. I wave my hands above my head and the car stops. I run towards the back door and jump inside.

"Clary! You made it! I thought they got you!" Izzy and Simon sit in the front seat with Simon driving.

"No. I got out." I reply back, sagging into the seat. I stretch out my aching legs from running. "Where's Jace?" I don't really want to know but I have to ask.

"Tied up to a chair in my room." Izzy replies back with a huge smile. I can't help but laugh.

"This is going to be fun."

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**I didn't get time to edit it so I hope it's not full of mistakes and such! I hope you liked that chapter! It was really fun to write! And I'm so close to 10,000 views now! It's incredible! Thank you!**


	27. Twisted Torture

**Hey! Another chapter?! Yay! Haha! I'm sorry for this exceptionally short chapter but I want this to be purely focused on Clary and Jace. I hope it's still good though. Thanks for the support as usual and make sure to leave a review, favorite and follow!**

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As Izzy promised, Jace is tied to a chair in the middle of her room. I shut the door behind us, letting myself chuckle from the site.

"Look who it is!" I scream/laugh in pleasure. This is amazing. I walk up to the chair he is tied too. He looks distraught and he keeps his head low.

"Don't be so pleased." He sounds tired, like he has been the one running. I laugh and decide I want to tease him and annoy him. The things I can do.

"Would you mind leaving us?" I ask Simon and Izzy pointing to the oak door. They both chuckle and nod walking out. Leaving me all to Jace. I turn to Jace and he groans. "That wasn't very nice of you Jace." I go behind him and lean down to whisper into his ear. "Betrayal isn't nice." I step aside and swiftly pull his chair back so he falls onto the floor. I squat down next to him with a cheeky smile. He's groaning and watching me with hatred in his golden eyes. I lift the chair back up with an effort.

"I wasn't going to betray Hodge." He spits back with clenched teeth.

"I always saw the best in you." Now I don't feel like teasing him. I want to hug him but I want to punch all his white teeth out of his mouth. "And I thought for a while that you saw me like that too." I stand in front of him, feeling venerable even though I'm the one in control.

"I thought I knew you but then you went to Valentine and then I realized that you are exactly like him." Oh no he didn't.

"Don't-"

"And that's why Jocelyn hasn't seen or talked to you either. She hates you like she hates Valentine. Because you are Valentine."

"Stop-"

"Where's Alec and Magnus? Do you think they like you still? They are all looking at you like your Valentine."

"Jace, I swear-"

"You are the most hated person and no will love you!" That's the last straw. I punch him in the face with the anger that has been building this whole day. His head flings to the side and when he looks back at me, his nose is bleeding.

"No one will love me Jace! I know! I have always known that! Then I met you! And I thought that maybe I had a chance at being loved! But I was wrong as usual! Why am I always the one to love people but no one loves me back?!" I yell in his face. Getting closer until I feel his shallow breaths on my burning hot face.

"Because you're a mini Valentine" He says back to me calmly but I see in his eyes that he feels guilty.

"You are so bloody confusing!" I yell pushing him in the chest so he falls onto the floor again. I squat over top of him and grab his collar. "This is your fault! I blamed Valentine and Jocelyn but you are part of the problem too! You had me before when I was knocked out saying 'she doesn't need any more pain'. And look! You are causing me pain! More than Hodge or Valentine is doing! You're blaming me for what I've become but you are the reason why I am like Valentine! I hate you Jace! I hate you so much! I loved you at one point but now I hate you!" This is the first time that I admitted for my love for Jace. I have always never put much thought into it with everything going on but I've always known it. He's looking at me like he is about to break his hatred. I know that probably doesn't make sense but it just is.

"Your pity story means nothing to me." I pull my arm back to punch him again but I realize that this battle can't be won this way. I need him to look at it in a different perspective. He moves on if I continue on. It's been proven the last couple of times I've been put in a situation where I could die. I lower my hand thinking over a quick plan to make this possible. I need to be put in a situation where I can die. "Aren't you going to punch me?"

"Nope. I don't need your pity." I walk over to the oak door and lock it with tears in my eyes. I could seriously die right now if I'm wrong. I pick up the broken chair and walk over to Izzy's dresser that has a mirror attached over it. I swing the chair back and smash the mirror into pieces. I hear Jace gasp and his uneven and quick breaths.

"Clary, what are you doing?" He's following me with his eyes as I pick up two shards of glass and stand in front of him again.

"I'm giving you options." I place one shard of glass on his lap so he can reach it even with his hands tied up. I walk back and look at him with pleading eyes that he is still the same even if he hates me. I drag the other shard of glass across my wrists in 5 quick and deep movements. I automatically get dizzy. The dark red blood runs down my hands, dripping onto the light purple carpet. He is yelling at me but I can't understand a word, all I can think is that he is going to let me die. I was wrong. He is yelling someone at me but he isn't moving to untie himself. So I'll die. I'll die like he said. No one really loves me. I fall onto the floor close to fainting. I hear banging on the door and a yelling Jace. I'm about to pass out when I hear a snap and bang.

"CLARY!"

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**That was fun to write! I love Jace so much but it was awesome to write about torturing him! Haha! But man that was short! I just wanted a chapter to focus on her torturing him. **


	28. Hospital Visits

**Hello again! It seems that my updating is more frequent. Hopefully that will keep up for a while. So, I have reached another milestone. Though it may not be hard to reach, I have got over 10,000 views! That's awesome! Thank you so much! Thanks for the amazing and sweet reviews too. I got more then usual last chapter and I can honestly say, I've never been happier before. It makes me want type more chapters more often and I just want to say thank you! To celebrate that, I will type an extra long chapter for the next chapter! As per usual, thank you for the support and make sure to leave a review, favourite and follow! :)**

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That seemed the right thing to do at the time. But I regret it now. My wrists ache and sting and feel as stiff as a stick. I feel unbelievably light headed and sick. I hear the beep of a nearby machine and the smell of disinfectant and cleaning detergents feel my nose making me feel even sicker. The nausea is nothing like I felt before and it's bloody annoying. I'm lying underneath a white spinning fan, it's dizzying to watch. I turn my head away to help soothe the thumping pressure in my head. The first thing I notice is the red tube that is connected to the machine and my arm. Of course I'm in the hospital. They don't know what to do otherwise. I watch the tube for a while trying to forget the throb in my head and notice that the tube isn't actually red. It has red liquid flowing through it. From the machine… into my arm. I sit up faster then I really should of because my head pounds to an extent that I really should of past out but more important is getting this tube out of my forearm. I yank it out and make a run for it. I'm in a gown and contrary to popular belief, I still have my clothes on underneath. I run to the white door and fling it open to expose a white wall with 4 people sitting against it.

"Oh for f…. sake!" I would have sworn but I try not to. I storm back into the room as Jocelyn, Jace, Izzy and Simon jump up to stop me from leaving. I lie back onto the bed and put the dripping tube into my arm as the alarm turns off. I close my eyes and pretend they're not there and scream into my teeth from the frustration and pain in my damn head. I want to scream and scream but I can't. Then I stop. Who saved me? I sit up abruptly again and search the room that has now filled with 3 doctors and nurses looking me and the machine over. I look at them and they look at me back, looking shocked. Did they seriously think I would stay in that bed? The nurses try to lie me back down but I push back against them yelling no over and over. Jocelyn walks up to the doctor and whispers something in his ear. After a few seconds of hesitation he gives her a sharp nod and orders all the nurses out. She walks up to me and sits down on the bed. I can know feel the blood spilling in my arm. I look up to the blood bag and see that it's B+. I've always wondered what my blood type was but I didn't think I would find out because I need blood. Jocelyn burst out in tears, leaning her head on my shoulder. She chants 'I can't lose you again'. I look at Jace who looks relieved that I'm here. So I was right. He did save me.  
"I'm so glad we found you." Simon says coming and sitting next to me. Found me?

"You found me?" I ask him back, keeping my eyes on Jace who has noticeably slumped in posture.

"You owe me a new door." Izzy says coming and sitting behind me on the bed. My breathing increases and my wet shoulder from Jocelyn crying begins to shake. Then the rest of my body follows suit.

"I'll buy you a pink one." I say back behind clenched teeth. In my moment of rage, I yank out the tube from my arm and the alarm sounds. In a quick motion, I lunge at Jace and tackle him to the ground. I wrap my hands around his neck until I hear him gag. I feel Simons slim hands yank me back followed by Jocelyns wet and unsteady hands. They drag me onto the bed as the nurses and doctors race in again. Simon and Izzy hold me down on the bed as I thrash around to get to Jace again. The doctors push the tube back into my arms and push a needle into the side of my neck. I instantly become calmer. I'm just going to say it. I hate doctors, nurses and hospitals. I hate everyone. And once again, like I always do, I pass out.

* * *

I wake up to find that the red tube no longer hooked up to me but what seems to be an IV. I snap my head to the side and just like I expected, a golden haired by is sitting there watching me. I growl like a wild animal does but I keep still. Jocelyns red hair appears above me. She looks down at me with red and puffy eyes.

"Get him out." I say as calmly as I can manage

"Who? Jace?" Jocelyn replies back softly, moving a stray piece of hair from my face.

"Yes!" My calmness is all gone now.

"Why, he didn't do anything." She sits down beside me, grabbing my trebling hand from anger.

"Get him out. Please." I say quietly as I break out into sobs myself. I just hate this. I hate this anger, this life, this sadness and this everything. I've had enough and now, I have nothing to fight for. I know I should anyway. But all my friends have proven that they don't like me and don't need or want me. I feel like I've done nothing but fight and forgive but I'm losing it. Everything I am. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I have become. All I know is that I want what all other teenage girls worry about. I want to worry about my hair, if I'm skinny enough or if I have a boyfriend but no. I'm worrying about if I'm going to die or if my friends will. Why do I have this life?! Why me?! Why can't I be a normal teenager?! Why can't I be anyone else but me?! I want another life where I don't know Alec or Magnus or Jocelyn or Valentine or Sebastian or Simon or Izzy and defiantly not Jace because I can't shape the feeling that he will be the death of me. Literally. I don't know how but I just know it. Jocelyn looks at me then at Jace.

"Tell her." Jocelyn exhales as she gets up from beside me to be replaced by Jace. I shake my head and limply push Jace away. But he won't move and I realize that it's worthless.

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**Well. That was fun! What is Jace going to say?! I'm excited haha! I'm currently at school in IT and decided to write this chapter instead so excuse any spelling mistakes because I'm running out of time. I hope that wasn't toooo short too. I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter and hopefully I will have a new chapter up soon. **


	29. One Dead

**It's finally up! It took me awhile because it was so long and I wanted to put so much in it. It gave me all the feels so hopeful it will be the same for you! I really enjoyed typing this chapter even though it took me a long time to do. Hopefully this is just as good as the rest and you enjoy it! As usual, thanks for the support! The reviews you guys are giving me are so nice and I can't thank you enough! Keep it up! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story and make sure to leave a review, favorite and follow! :)**

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I sit up in the bed careful not to rip the tube out of my arm again. I keep my eyes on Jace as he looks at me with a stony expression. My breathing comes uneven and shallow. My insides flip but I'm not sure what from. Jace looks up to the Jocelyn like he needs permission. She starts to cry again and Jace lets out a deep breathe. He grabs my hand and I try to yank it away but he grips tighter.

"Get off me! Let me go!" I yell and push with my legs at him but he just tells me to stop.

"Clary."

"Let go of me! I don't want you here!"

"Clary stop." He sounds more harsh but softer at the same time. I don't know how to explain it but it just somehow is.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" I scream, pushing at him with my legs like I'm having a tantrum.

"Clary!" I stop kicking when he yells at me. It's nothing I've heard before. Frustration beyond what I thought was capable. Jace starts crying. Small tears but they roll down his cheek like a waterfall. "Valentines dead!" He runs his free hand through his golden hair as he lets out shaky breaths.

"He's dead?" I hardly register it at first. Like its some sick joke but Jocelyn and Jace are both crying. They won't cry for no reason, especially Jace. What killed him? Who more importantly? It would have been someone from the Endarkened group. I guess they finally got to him. Like I nearly did…... Like I did. My eyes widen and I back away as far as I can from Jace. His eyes widen too. I killed him. It was me. I must have chocked him to death. The tears start to flow like nothing I've done before. I start to rock and mutter over that I killed him. Jace reaches out to me, he is no longer crying but is full of a worried expression.

"Clary, you didn't kill him." Jace says to me grabbing my shoulders but I rip them out of his grip, continuously muttering that I did this. I turn to Jocelyn and say I'm sorry that I killed him. She shakes her head and tells me it's not my fault but I know it's my fault. Of course it is. I killed him. I want to blame Jocelyn for bring me into this situation and I want to blame Jace for going there but I can't. They didn't decide to kill him. They didn't kill him, I did. I'm not going to blame them for something I did regardless of how badly I want too. Jace tells everyone to leave the room. Including to Izzy and Simon who I forgot was there and with a little protest from, they all walk out to leave me and Jace alone. It's silent except for my body racking sobs and the quite mutter of my voice. Jace just stares at me like he is trying to decide what to do with me. Is he going to turn me into the police? I thought he wanted Valentine dead.

"Clary!" He yells to me. Shaking me by the shoulders so my head bangs against the wall behind me. I don't notice it at first but then it starts to hurt.

"STOP!" I yell at him, pushing him back. I switched from crying to anger in a couple of seconds. That's what Jace does to me. Even in times of grief. If you call it that.

"Clary! You didn't kill him! Hodge did!" Jace yells gripping my shoulders tighter and coming inches from my face. His mint breath dries my tears and makes me forget that I was ever mad or sad at all. Damn you Jace.

"What?" I say back breathless.

"Hodge killed him! Not you!" He yells again. It rings my ear but his searching eyes keeps me from caring. If he looks at me like that. Like I need to believe him. He is like a puppy with their puppy dog eyes that you just can't say no to.

"When? How?" I ask grabbing onto his arms. I want to cry but I'm more shocked and in a way glad that that is out of my life now. That he is. The main issue. The cause of this all. My own hell. Jace looks at me with sad eyes and takes more deep breaths. I'm sure he is glad that I listened.

"After we left. Hodge told me that he followed us and after we left, he finished off the job you started." I choke and I start to shake. A machine to my left with my heartrate on it increases to the point where an alarm goes off. Jace lunges to the door and locks it and stands with his back to it so no one can get in. "He's going after you now!" There is banging on the door and yells but all I can hear is Jace. "You have something to do with Valentine! He hates you! He wants to kill you!" I hear threats come through the door from the nurses outside. Somehow my heartrate goes higher and I start to cry again. Jace looks at me like he wants to comfort me but he has to keep the door shut for now.

"Where is he?" I'm scared to ask but I have too.  
"He is looking for you now. He might be here any minute even." He says back trying to ignore the threats and me crying to keep calm. I want to run into his arms to protect me but I can't trust him.

"How can I trust you?!" I scream. The banging on the door becomes more frequent.

"I know I have shown you so many reasons why not to trust me but you have to just this one time at least!" He yells at me again with the same pleading eyes as before.

"I trusted you every other time and look where it got me!" I show him the tube that runs into my arm.

"I need you to trust me Clary! Just this one time at least! I'm begging you Clary! I don't want them to get you!"

"You didn't care about that the other day when you called them to find me!" I know we should do something to get away from the nurses or let them in but this argument with Jace is something I need to do. And now.

"I know! I do now!"

"Why now?! What's so different now?!" I rip the tube out of my arm and the clips from my fingers. They must have hooked it up when they knocked me out. The heartrate monitor goes dead and does that long and single beep. The thumps on the door turn frantic, yelling for us to let them in. I walk up to him until I'm a foot away. I look up at him and I feel nothing but frustration and anger.

"It was the right thing back then! They weren't trying to kill you!" He yells back in obvious distress.

"Of course they were! I'm sure you would want me dead too Jace! You are with Hodge after all!"

"No! Clary! If you died-"He starts but I shake my head.

"I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear your lies!"

"Clary! I'm not lying! I-"He is cut off again but not by me this time. There is screams and loud banging, followed by the high pitched voice of Jocelyn.

"Jace! Hodge is here!" Jace looks at me with horror. He wasn't lying. I'm so stupid! I want to scream. I want to kill someone so bad! I'm so angry. Like nothing I've ever known.

"Out the window!" Jace grabs my hand and runs towards the single window behind the bed to the left. I hear low pitched shouts and the scattering of feet. Jace rips open the window and looks outside. I lean over beside him and see that we are two stories up.

"We can't jump that!" I scream to him, pulling the window shut. That's not happening again.

"Jace! Clary! There coming!" Jocelyn yells outside the door. I quickly run across the room and unlock the door. I open it to see a worried Jocelyn, Izzy and Simon standing there. I yank them all inside and lock the door again.

"What are you doing?!" Izzy yells at me.

"Do any of you have weapons?" I whisper to them all but they all shake their heads. I swear as a loud pounding comes from the door followed by Hodges sickening voice. His yells cut through me making me wince. Then I think of something. He wants me dead, then he will get me dead. I just hope over the yelling that he doesn't hear the heartrate machine. I run to the bed and attach the clips back onto my fingertips. I wink over to the group and put my finger to my mouth to tell them to keep quite.

"Hey Hodge!" I yell over there banging and yelling. I hear a harsh and loud shut up and they all go quite until the only noise is the heartrate machine.

"Get out of here Clary!" Hodge yells at me and I bite back a scream.

"So you can kill me?!" I scream back and I hear his chuckle. It makes me shiver. They don't answer though so I know Jace wasn't lying. My heartrate increases because I now know it's defiantly true. But it fits nicely in the act. "There is no need Hodge!"

"What do you mean?!" He screams back.

"Smash the window." I whisper to the Jace and he looks at me confused. Izzy rolls her eyes and smashes it with her fist herself. I nod towards her.

"CLARY!" Hodge yells banging on the door. He thinks I've jumped out.

"I'm still here Hodge! Not for long!"

"Clary!" Hodge yells again banging but more quietly so he can hear the machine. I start to scream and dig my fingernails into my skin so my heartrate will increase. I feel the blood drip down my hand and whisper to the others to scream my name.

"Clary no!" Izzy starts. Then Simon and Jocelyn joins in. I look at Jace willing him to start. I thought me killing myself in front of him and see if he will save me decide if he was with me or Hodge but it wasn't. It's now. He could tell him it's all fake, he could not scream and Hodge will figure out this isn't real himself or Jace will scream for me to save us all. He takes a deep breath and screams. He is screaming for me to not kill myself. He's with us. I smile through my yelling and prepare for the grand finale. I let out a finale and loud shriek. I yank the clips from my fingers and the line goes dead.

"NO!" I hear Hodge yell from outside the door and him bang one last time. The others scream louder too and start to fake cry. Props to them because they actually start to cry. I can't help but smile. I meet Jace eyes and I hold them, trying to say thank you and that I forgive him. He smiles at me even though he's fake crying. Izzy quietly moves across the floor to me.

"Alec should be here soon. He will guide them away and we can get out." She whispers in my ear whilst hugging me tight. I hug her back.

"When did you call him?" I whisper back, shaking from adrenaline.

"I texted him when Hodge you walked over to the machine."

"You knew what I was doing?"

"You're my best friend Clary. Of course I know." I smile at her from arm's length because we are still hugging each other. I hear quick footsteps up the stairs.

"Hodge!" It's Alec. I'm so glad he is here. The sooner I get out, the better. The smell and look of this place makes me feel sick. "What happened?" He's out of breath. He ran up the steps and that was for us. I love Alec so much.

"Clary killed herself." Hodge replies back surprisingly calm.

"What?! No!" I hope he knows that it isn't true. I want to run out and tell him its fake but it would have ruined this whole thing.

"Did you say I was going to fake my death?" I whisper to Izzy almost crying myself at the thought of Alec being so upset. She nods with a determined face that makes me so proud of what she has become. Just like Simon, I lost her but now she is back. Better than ever. Stronger than ever. I hear Alec start to fake cry too and nearly laugh at the fact that everyone hear can cry on cue. It's sort of beautiful and amazing despite the situation.

"Come on Hodge. I need to go before cops come. Someone was bound to have called them." Alec says between sobs and Izzy's eyes start to water again but the difference is that they are real tears. She is probably so proud of her brother and glad that they will be leaving just like me. I imagine that Hodge nods because I hear there retreating footsteps and Alecs sobs gets further and further away. I turn to the others and I have a huge smile on my face and tears of happiness in my eyes, running down my already wet cheeks. Simon comes up and hugs me along with Jocelyn. It's like a sob fest right now. I want to get out so bad but I need this. I wipe my eyes and move aside so Izzy can hug Simon. My eyes meet Jaces who is standing there watching me. He is expressionless but he suddenly breaks out into a goofy smile.

"You're unbelievable." He says and quickly strides up to me. He stands so close to me and my stomach does flips. He grabs my face between his hands and does what I've always wanted. Secretly mainly but what I have dreamed of ever since I meet him. It sucks that it's in a hospital and after I was nearly killed but he finally kisses me. It's happiness in a messed up situation.

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**The feels! Just saying. Haha! I really hope you liked that and the extra long chapter too! **


	30. Lonely Days

**Hello! I just want to say sorry for this short and most likely boring chapter. I had to add this one in as... I guess you could say a filler. Just so you know where they are and the present situation. I know it wasn't much but it will hopefully pick up soon. The next few chapters won't be action filled but there will be a bit of drama. :) Anyway, thank you so much for the amazing support! As you saw the 2 previous chapters, I reached over 10,000 views and I'm now close to 100 reviews! Yay! I'm so excited! I was thinking another long chapter for that too. So, please keep leaving reviews and we can see if we can reach 100 by the next chapter! Thank you guys so much! I really appreciate it! And to those who have left reviews recently, I have sent you a PM so make sure to check it out! :) So, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and make sure to leave a review, favorite and follow!**

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Once again I'm running. But not from Valentine, Hodge and the Endarkened. They don't know I'm running though, they think I died in that hospital room. Though a part of me did. As cheesy as that sounds, it's the truth. Like when I heard that Valentine has died, he took a part of me. The weakness. He was my weakness. My ultimate weakness. Though Hodge has been nothing but the same, I know I can get out of this alive. Like I did with Valentine. That's chapter one done. Now for chapter 2. And hopefully the last one. We are staying at Magnus's holiday house. I didn't know he had one. Alec did though and I'm pretty sure I know why. Wink wink. Anyway, I first thought of course he would. Anyone who could afford to put glitter in their hair and wear makeup everyday should be able to afford a holiday house but then I thought that he would have spent all the money on that. All well, I have somewhere to stay that the Endarkened doesn't know exists. That's what matters. I'm here with Izzy and Simon. Hodge knew they were in the room when I died but they let them go because they are normal civilians and swore to not speak of it. The only thing the Endarkened is doing to them is making Alec keep an eye of them. Which is fine because Alec is with us, not them but they think he is. So thankfully, Hodge has let them go. So they are with me at the holiday house. Partially because they are scared to not be here but mostly to know I'm safe. But it's torture staying in the same house as them. They aren't really quiet about what they're doing. It's distracting. The boys and Jocelyn has been watched by the Endarkened for 4 weeks now. And I miss them so much. Well, except Sebastian. I could never miss him. But they aren't allowed to come near here and I'm not allowed to leave. It's torture. Seriously. I just got better with Jace and I can't see him. For all I know he could be out with another girl. Man, I need to trust him more. But I really can't right now. I'm slowly trusting more people more often but it's hard when they are all with the Endarkened. Not really but they could be brainwashed and turn on us. They did that to Jace. He could of snuck around with us and not leave me alone but I swear they brainwashed a part of him. I miss Jocelyn too. Just like everyone else my trust is very limited when it comes to people who have betrayed me but she is my mum and she has tried. Though I have no idea where she went when I needed her the most but I need to trust her. Trust her instinct to protect her daughter. I just need to learn to let people love me and protect me, much to my disliking. Sebastian as I said before, I won't trust him. No matter what he has done. That is not happening. He is a part of this just as much as me though less. I can't get rid of him it seems. Then there is Alec. He is the person I trust the most out of the group and though he lied and left. He is still my best friend, my brother and the person who knows me more than anything. He has done so much for me and sacrificed so much. I love him so much. And I never want to leave his side again. Then there is Magnus, I don't know him much but he makes Alec happy so he makes me happy. He is a great guy who has gave us sanctuary when we needed it and I want to talk to him more. They are the people who matter in my life right now and I need to focus on keeping us safe. And 4 weeks in and we are fine. I've got a text from Jocelyn once saying that she misses us and hopefully will be back soon. She has sent us money to pay for food and when I asked where she got it from, she said it's from the jobs the boys have been doing. So, they are killing again. It's their job. They were raised like that and I can't make them stop. I have been allowed to leave the house at all. All the shopping has been done by Simon and Izzy. It's a nightmare. I know the walls in this house like I know the back of my hand. And that's a lot because in the last couple of days, the back of my hand has been very interesting.

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Another week has past and my bedroom is somehow getting gloomier and gloomier. The lime green walls should make it feel bright and happy but it's seems that no matter where we are or what colour these claustrophobic walls may be, it can't and could probably never be a happy place again. The simple and white furniture mocks me. Showing who my life isn't simple, as simple as this room. I know that it's all in my head but that's what happens when you live in a house that looks like a mansion practically all alone. It doesn't help with my thoughts. Like what did they do when they didn't find my body in the hospital room? Does Valentine actually know? Is someone going to betray us? Are Jace, Alec, Magnus and Jocelyn all okay?

"Clary!" Izzy's voice rings from outside my door and I get up to get it. She sounds like she is in a rush. She is probably about to go to the shops and wants to know if I want anything. I open the door and Izzy has a huge smile on her face.

"Yes…." I ask skeptically. Her smile grows and she starts to squeal the jump up and down. "Calm down!" I yell laughing at her. I grab her shoulders to stop her from jumping. "What is it?" She has happy tears in her eyes and I instantly look at her hand. She rolls at me, dragging me from the door.

"I'm not engaged. Simon isn't going to do that." She says dragging- more like running down the hall to the front room. What is she doing? We reach the front room and I spot red hair and a high pitched laugh. She has her back towards me and is blocking the door way completely. My eyes start to burn and tears streams down my face.

"Mom!" I scream to her. She turns around quickly and she grinning bigger then Izzy. I run towards her and she takes me into a tight embrace. I didn't get to hug her much at all but I miss it.

"My girl! I'm so glad to see you!" She says into my ear as she pats my crazy and frizzy hair. I don't leave her embrace.

"What are you doing here?!" I almost scream as I look into her eyes that show pure happiness.

"Ask him." She says realizing me and pointing behind her. I look over her shoulder.

"Hey Clary."

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**I was just looking at the document that I type this on and I have wrote 51 pages. Wow. Haha! I hope you guys enjoyed that slow and short chapter.**


	31. Bloody Mad

**Next chapter! Yay! I like this one even though it's crazy... it was pretty fun to write! haha! I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, I was on holiday without any internet but I've got it done! But THANK YOU for over 100 reviews! It's crazy how this story is going. I'm so happy and thankful for your support. THANK YOU! Okay I should stop now, I hope you enjoy and make sure to leave a review, follow and favorite! :)**

_**WARNING: There is swearing in this chapter, worst then usual so be cautious. :) **_

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When I hear his voice and see his face, I act on instinct. I sprint towards him, arms out stretched.

"Clary!" Jocelyn yells when I get closer and closer to him. I wrap my arms around his waist and throw my whole body so he fall backwards just like I planned. He falls onto the wood of the front porch with a thud and grunts in pain. My nose smashes against his chest and I immediately knowing its bleeding. I quickly jump to my feet and put my foot on his throat like I have done before to Valentine. Hodge looks at me with pleading eyes, willing me to stop. "Clary!" Jocelyn yells again, pulling me away from Hodge by the elbows. I wriggle and grunt trying to get out of her grip and to his throat. It's the same as what happened with Valentine, that same rush feeling. Adrenaline thumping through me. I keep my eyes on the gasping Hodge who is sitting up, holding his throat. I rip out one of my elbows from her grip. I have to admit she is strong but I'm stronger. When you live like I have for so long, fitness is very ideal. I reach for him but he moves away before my nails can get him.

"Clary!" I hear Magnus run up to us and see the glint of the glitter in his hair. I stop struggling and look at him, thinking he would help me but instead he helps up Hodge.

"What the hell Magnus?!" I scream, ripping away from Jocelyns grip and backing up to the wall beside the door. I wipe the pouring blood from my nose with the back of my hand that has stained my white t-shirt.

"Calm down Clary." Jocelyn says taking deep breaths like I would follow suit.

"Are you guys mad?!" I scream at them, clenching my fists until my fingers turn numb.

"Clary you need to calm down." Magnus says from beside Hodge who is gripping his back.

"Calm down?!" I spit to the side as blood drips into my mouth from the blood nose. I wipe it again but I know it's worthless. That metallic taste lingers in my mouth. "AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO REMEMBERS WHO HE IS?!" I scream breathing heavily.

"Of course not." Jocelyn says with a soothing voice but I'm having none of it. Jocelyn grabs my hand and unclenches it to reveal blood spilling for where my nails dug in. I rip my hand away from her and looking into her eyes that are similar to mine. "You need to understand that you need him." My mind twists in anger and I shove Jocelyn back. She trips and smacks onto the wooden boards of the deck. With me jumping after her. I pin her down and stare at her, letting my blood drip onto her face.

"I needed you! You were never there so don't think for a second that you know what's best for me!"

"Stop being so irrational! Did you think for a moment that I left because I couldn't deal with you?!" I heard gasps from everyone on the deck including my own. I don't even think because I'm over powered with rage, a rage I can't even comprehend or fathom into sentence. I pick her back up by her collar and slam her against the wall of the house. I keep her up there, like bullies do in the movies.

"You want to play the blame game, do you mom?" I snarl in her face. I'm not sure what the rest are doing but I would look absolutely mad bleeding from the nose, hands and now knees and elbows. I don't know why they aren't stopping me. They should. "Let's start with Jon shall we." I smirk and I know I have a busted lip from how it stings. "You had to take him into our family. Didn't you. Because you are the sweet and innocent Jocelyn. You're the devil!"

"You killed Jon!" She yelled back knowing she struck a chord in me. My grip on her collar tightens and my eyes harden. "I may be the devil but you're the devils daughter and they are always the worst." I have so much anger in me that I want to kill her. I want too but I can't. I just can't do that despite everything she has done to me. I need to leave before my anger switch goes to ultimate rage. I let go of her and turn to walk away. "This is your fault. All of this. You have hurt everyone you have ever talked too. You have caused them pain since they meet you!" I turn back to her and angry tears spill onto my cheeks. I dig my fingernails into my hand to make the cuts even deeper. "OH BOO HOO! EVERYONE FEEL SORRY FOR CLARY!" She screams with a large smirk.

"OH FUCK OFF!" I screamed at her, running my bleeding hand over my tear filled eyes.

"WHAT?!" She screams back with a shocked expression.

"I SAID FUCK OFF!" I storm down the steps of the deck in fury and sprint out the front yard. I'm so mad. I want to bash someone's head in.

* * *

I'm sitting at a bus station with my knees pushed up to my chest. I'm shaking from anger and sadness. I'm not thinking. It's like my brain has blocked out everything I just went through. Like I used to do. And I had a moment of clarity realizing that I need that now more than ever. To not care what I do or who too. A red and rusty looking car comes down the street and I get up knowing it's here for me. It's Simons. It's comes to a stop and I jump into the back.

"Go back to the boarding school." I say to them without emotion or expression. They look at me concerned and confused. "Do I have to say it again!" They both turn around with a quick glance to each other before they sped towards where this thing started to go all wrong. The drive wasn't long and they didn't try to talk to me at all. They tried to give me tissues to clean the blood but I refused them. I know I look like I just killed someone with the amount of blood on me. But hey, that might just happen. We pull into the car park and I jump out of the car before Simon kills the engine. I storm into the building and ignore the stares I'm getting from everyone. I haven't been here for ages and I'm covered in blood, I wonder how that must look. I take the familiar stairs and find my room that I have come to hate and miss at the same time. I hate it because it's where everything turned shit but I miss it because that shit wasn't half as bad as it is now.

"Clary!" I hear Izzy's voice scream from the stairs as I try the door knob. It's locked. So I resort to kicking the damn door. I make a hole and stick my hand inside. After a couple of seconds, I find the handle and yank it open. Izzy bursts from the stairs, still screaming my name. I quickly try to take my arm out but end up scratching my upper arm. Great, more blood. Even greater, it's deep. I run into my room and fall to my knees beside my bed. The sword sits where I left it last. Sitting under the bed collecting dust. I grab the sword as Izzy comes into the room and much to my surprise, Alec and Jace behind her. Oh yay, a reunion. I sit still with my hand under the bed, gripping the sword. I stare at their faces that I can't read. Is this where Alec and Jace been staying? Have they been attending school? Has anyone? I don't know what is happening with everyone else. I hope I'm not stuffing up their lives. Who am I kidding, I already have.

"Clary. You're bleeding." Alec pushes past Izzy to get closer to me but I narrow my eyes at him and hiss for him to not come closer.

"What happened?" Jace asks Izzy and Alec looks behind him to hear what she says. It gives me an idea. I grab a pillow with my free hand and throw it at Izzy's feet. They all look down and I jump to my feet, running towards the door. They notice me run because they all turn to face me with wide eyes. I have the sword clutched in front of me. God, I defiantly look like a killer now.

"Get away from the door" I warn with a hiss as Izzy raises her hands up in defeat. I know Alec and Jace will be harder to beat.

"Clary. You don't need to do this." Alec says with a slight warning tone to his already cautious voice.

"At least someone gets it. I don't need to do this! I don't need to listen to anyone. I don't need for my mom to tell me how much of a fuck up I am to know the truth-"

"Wait, what?" Jace asks, most likely forgetting momentarily that I had a sword pointed towards him.

"I know. How unmotherly of her to say that to her daughter." And I laugh. I actually laugh like a manic.

"Clary. You're not like that. You're not like her." Jace says with a sad look. Then I lose it. I keep trying to not care. To be every fucking thing I'm not but I can't do it! I'm even swearing! I can't block out all of this, I just can't. I don't think it's humanly possible. I'm an absolute mess. One minute not caring. The next, caring too much. I cry in frustration, anger and sadness. I'm such a crying baby. So I only allow myself 5 minutes to cry on the bed with Jace, Alec and Izzy all around me. Not saying a word.

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I don't plan on killing anyone with the sword but I bring it with me in case I actually need it. I'm going back unwillingly and I made it as tough as I could to get me to go back. I mean, they begged and begged for me to clean of but I'm still covered in blood and scratches. But the ride back to the mansion was uncomfortable to say the least. I was stuck sitting in between Alec and Jace and hearing the retelling of what happened only half an hour ago. Thankfully, after 10 minutes we eventually reach the house and the unwelcomed visitors aren't on the deck anymore so we walk in without a problem. Not yet at least. My heart is going crazy in my chest and my anger is creeping up but knowing I have Izzy, Simon, Alec and Jace here with me and that helps me keep it in check. The door opens with a little creak to reveal Hodge and Jocelyn lying on the couch with ice packs on their bruised skin. I feel my anger boil as I see them there. Magnus greets us and tells us to sit near where Jocelyn and Hodge lay which is in the living room. I can't decide if I like Magnus right now. Why did he help Hodge? Jocelyn and Hodge both look at me with unreadable expressions as I slump down on the floor, clutching the sword hoping to relive the stress and anger before any talking starts.

"You have one hell of a tackle." Hodge says, sitting up and wincing.

"You f-"I start to hiss and get up but Jace grabs me by the waist and pulls me back down. And Hodge being as smart he is, nods at Jace.

"Thank you son." Hodge voices comes out triumphant. Prick.

"Don't you dare say that to me you f-"Jace spits, just as angry as me. Not so cocky now are we Hodge.

"Jace, please!" Alec yells from beside us. He gets to his feet and goes up to Magnus. He gets right up in his face, pointing his finger and all. I can't help but smile at Alec being angry. I don't see it very often. "Are you going to start explaining or am I going to have to knock it out of you?" Alec warns which almost makes me life. Almost.

"Sit down Alec." Magnus mutters and Alec obeys, sitting back down on the ground but he still looks grumpy. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Simon take Izzys hand as she begins to shake. Why must they do that?! It just makes me feel guilty. No one is talking, just looking at each other. Awkward and anticipating. Well this is going lovely.

"Start talking!" I scream throwing my hands in the air. Hodge clears his throat and opens his mouth to speak but someone else starts to talk instead.

"Valentine is still alive." Jocelyns says flatly like it isn't a big deal. Everyone beside me looks shocked but the two adults and Magnus look like it was the most obvious thing. Me and the rest must be so stunned because we don't say a word. We just look at them with open mouths. So Alec takes it upon himself to ask the questions.

"What do you mean?" He says sounding just as shocked as I am feeling. So none of us knew except them. Even Magnus knew. He hid me here!

"I mean he faked his own death." Jocelyn rolls her eyes like it's obvious. It sort of is isn't it?

"Why?"

"He had this brilliant idea that since he can't be in the Endarkened group anymore, he will pretended to be dead and start a new one."

"But how? No one will join him."

"He was going to get Clary too." If I was in a cartoon, this would be the point where my jaw literally touched the ground.

"Why me?" I interject. Seriously, why me? I'm no assassin. I'm a girl who should have died ten times but somehow has lived. I'm not sure if that's an exaggeration either.

"He's quite smart if you haven't realized. He knew you would turn on Hodge and he thought in all his great wisdom that we would all follow. That we will become his Endarkened group." She pauses and looks at each of us individually until she lands on Hodge. "Well, except him of course."

"Why hasn't he asked Clary to join him yet then?" Alec chimes in again, asking the question we are all thinking.

"It's simple, Clarys dead." She smiled and I started to understand what is going on and what she is implying.

"What? No she is-"Alec starts but I cut him off.

"You planned it." I whispered. I keep my eyes locked on Jocelyns.

"I see you've got the same intelligence as your dad."

"And I'm the daughter of the devil."

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**Lovely long chapter :) **


	32. Alec

**Next chapter is finally here! Sorry for the wait, I had heaps of homework and all. I like this chapter because it's short and sweet. :) I love the idea of Alec and Clary being close friends and I missed the closeness that was put into the start of the story. They haven't really talked so I decided I would makes this chapter about them. I hope you like it! Also, thanks for the support! It's sort of insane when I think about how I have over 100 reviews and 13,000 views. Just thank you guys so much! Make sure you leave a review, follow and favorite the story and enjoy!**

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I don't know who my mother is or what she wants to be in my life. Does she want me only to bully around and help defeat Valentines stupid and counter active plans? I'm not her kill toy. I haven't kill anyone yet and I don't plan for Valentine to be my first kill. First kill…

"My whole life, I have coward behind Valentine and even Sebastian for what they did to me. How do you expect me to kill Valentine? My own dad." I say not wanting to believe this is happening.

"He has ruined your life Clary!" Jocelyn screams obviously mad at me for being bluntly blind.

"You ruined my life! This is your fault! You did this to me!" I shout back. It is her fault too.

"He did this to you!" She throws her tiny arms in the air in frustration and her cheeks start to turn a flaming red.

"You're unbelievable." I say disappointed of her and myself. I thought I might have got my mum back but I was just kidding myself. She only pretended to care so I could eventually destroy Valentine. I have been a piece in her stupid game. I shake my head and walk out the room with my arms crossed. I walk down the huge corridors that has painting of what look like Magnus's relatives on the walls and I stop in front of one in particular. Partially because I hear footsteps coming this way and because the girls eyes have this sadness and grief in them that hits something in me. Her hazel green eyes seem to reflect my dull green ones and it scares me that someone else has been through as much pain as I have. I breaks me a little more inside. She is a totally different person yet she mirrors me. She mirrors the dull and aching eyes. She mirrors the face I put on every day. She holds herself like if she slouched she would break. Her brown long hair cascades down her shoulders and her grey t-shirt looks huge on her tiny frame. I see a little patch of purple peek out from under the shirts sleeve and sadness hits me like a tidal wave. I reach out my hand and touch the painting like I could help her but it's only a canvas and nothing more. A damaged girl stuck without help. This is a perfect example of how it feels like. I feel hot tears drop down my face slowly. Someone comes to stand beside me and although I expected Jace to come after me, it ended up being Alec.

"Magnus told me about her" Alec says softly. Admiring the girl in the painting much like me. The pain is evident on his face too.

"Who is she?" I ask not talking my eyes off of her. Taking in her expression.

"Olivia. Magnus's cousin." Alec rips his eyes off the painting and I see tears in his eyes. I grab his arm and hug him. He quickly returns the gesture.

"She was beaten wasn't she?" I whisper into Alec's shoulder. He sniffles and I feel him nod. More tears come and I stand in Alecs arms. Both of us silently crying for her. For us.

* * *

Alec decided that we should go in my room. I'm still not allowed to go outside incase Valentine sees me. So, I'm going to be stuck in this room with the same claustrophobic walls forever. I sit down on my bed and grab the closest pillow and pull it against my chest. Alec takes a seat next to me and gives me a small smile.

"It's been so long." His voice is soft and gentle. It makes me want to cry again.

"It has." That's all I can manage out. I can see in my mind where it all started.

"Do you regret it?"

"What?"

"Finding out about what we do. About us." He gestures towards the shut door.

"Yeah." I barely whisper, not allowing myself to look at Alec who is looking at his feet.

"I do too." This is awkward and sad. It's starting to get painful. Alec's voice holds so much sadness, my heart aches.

"I miss the old days." Alec flinches like I was going to him. I look at him and I see tears fall onto the ground. I move closer to him and grabbed his hand. Alec is strong. He acts strong but I know he's not. He's a mess like me.

"And that's the sad thing." He cups his hand over top of mine and makes eye contact with me. "That we miss the days when the problem was you drinking and trying to kill yourself." I flinch at that. I can't believe I considered killing myself. It seems stupid to me now. I laugh despite how terrible it is.

"I forgot I was an alcoholic."

"You were too busy with the Valentine stuff to even go buy some alcohol."

"I wouldn't buy it even if I could now." I say getting shy about it and look away so he can't see my cheeks.

"Why?"

"There is always something I have to be sober for these days." We both laugh at this and it's nice. Mainly to joke about something so serious and because it's just us again. It's in a way normal. Alec gently grips my chin and turns it to the side. With his free hand, he moves my hair away from my cheek. I don't know what he's doing.

"You're scar. You can't really notice it that much anymore." My hand flies to my cheek and I feel the bumpy skin where the scar runs across. I forgot I had that. I don't know how but I guess it's like the same with the drinking problem, I just forgot and had no time to think about it. "You're doing really well Clary." Alec states abruptly.

"What do you mean?" I ask moving his hand from my face and back into my free hand.

"I know you're unhappy and mad-"

"I'm so much more" I add before he can finish.

"But look at you. You don't look like a zombie. You aren't giving up and you're not being completely irrational. You do have your moments but a quick reality check and your back." I smile at Alec, hoping my smile can say everything I want to say but can't form a sentence out of.

"Alec-"I try to thank him but Alec cuts me off.

"The first time I killed someone" I shift uncomfortably and Alec gives my hand a quick squeeze to reassure me to not think about it too much. "I broke down for 2 weeks but I eventually broke through it. You Clary, have been in the same- no, worse situation as me and you didn't completely break down crying like I did. The thing that amazes me the most is that you have gone through what we assassins go through only once a million times. Pain, grief, shock, etc. and look what you are doing."

"Alec stop please."

"You are stronger then you realize. I know you don't want to kill Valentine and I know part of that is because you think you can't but you could. But no one can force you to kill him. None of us can. You can do it if you want or you can run away and never come back. Either way I will stick by you and your decision. They are asking you to kill someone. And you need to remember that. They're asking not telling."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I won't let them do this to you." He takes my other hand and holds it close to his heart. I can feel a faint thump.

"But Magnus-"

"Magnus is acting ridiculous right now. I can't like some who does this to my best friends." Alec's cheeks turn a bright red and he refuses to look at me. I laugh softly and lit his head. His red cheeks are visibly red compared to his skin. I plant a quick and little kiss on his cheek.

"I would not be able to live a single day without you."

"Then I shall never leave." After I wipe the tears from my eyes, we once again fall into each other's embrace. I love Alec so much. For many reasons but right now it's because he is here. He is making me feel at home. He is making me feel normal. And I will always be grateful for what he does for me time and time again. He puts me back into perspective.

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**Awe, I think that was a cute chapter! :) I love them being best friends so much! **


	33. Heart to Heart

**Heyyy. I'm so so sorry for not updating for a while. I've been unbelievably busy with homework and family things. I'm really sorry! I wasn't able to type a long chapter unfortunately but I'm hoping I can soon. Anyway, as requested, I put in some Clace. I hope you guys love it and find it somewhat adorable! Haha!**** And of course, thank you for the outstanding support! It truly makes me the happiest person in the world hearing what you guys think! Just thank you! So, enjoy the story and make sure to leave a review, favorite and follow!**

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Walking out of that room was something I've never experienced before. I have confidence and I'm actually happy for once. It's crazy how Alec can change everything I've ever known and who I was. And that's the beauty of him. He is everything new and you want to be. He is my fairy god mother. And I can't thank him enough. Nothing I can do. Nothing I can ever say. I tug on his sleeve as he walks in front of me and he turns around with a soft smile and his red lips is a nice contrast against his pale skin. I stare at his light blue eyes and I have a moment of clarity. This is what I fight for. For moments like this, for people like him. I pull him in for an embrace, hoping that this can show even a sliver of how thankful I am that he is in my life. He tightens his grip and rests his head on my shoulder.

"I know." Alec whispers in my ear and I smile. I smile for real. Of course he knows. Of course he understands what this little hug means. I'm certain I'm an open book to him. I hear yelling down the hall and groan knowing that this beautiful moment of clarity can't last any longer. I squeeze him one last time and detach myself from his warm embrace. I give him one last smile and race down the hall when I heard Jocelyns voice go high pitched. Of course she is the one arguing, she never stops. I don't know what Alec is doing and if he is following but I know I have to step in this argument before it gets worse. It turn back into the large room to find Jace and Jocelyn face to face, both fuming red. Izzy and Simon stand behind Jace in case they need to pull him back and Hodge sits on the couch where he was before. Magnus is sitting on the arm of the couch deep in thought. Probably about Alec.

"Do you not see what you are doing to your own daughter?!" Jace screams at Jocelyn. His clenched fists twitch probably wanting to hit someone.

"Do you not see why we need her to do this?!" Jocelyn screams back with just as much venom as Jace.

"No I don't! She is too innocent!" They are screaming at each other and it's giving me a headache. I storm over to where Jace and Jocelyn stand. Izzy and Simon watch me, looking relieved that this might stop. I push Jace to the side, making him lose his balance but he stays on his feet. He looks shocked like Jocelyn. I watch Jace with warning eyes to tell him to stay there and to keep his mouth shut and he agrees with angry eyes. I turn back to Jocelyn who has replaced the shocked look with triumph.

"Sit down." I order in a hash voice that I wouldn't have recognized a few weeks ago.

"Excu-"Jocelyn starts to argue but I'm not letting her talk.

"I SAID SIT DOWN!" I scream in her face with my arms crossed over my heaving chest. Jocelyn's eyebrows raise in surprise that I'm using authority over her. But she obliges, probably interested of what I have to say. I bet she thinks I can't be the leader. I'm just weak to her. She expects me to try and be a leader but I won't do things she expects me to do. I don't want give her the satisfaction of her thinking she knows me. She doesn't know me. "Me and Jace are going for a walk and when I get back you will be sitting here." I instruct Jocelyn and she laughs. She is pushing it, every last nerve I have.

"And why should I listen to you?" She has an evil smirk on her face and I remember why I hated her in the first place.

"Because if you don't. It won't be Valentines throat I'm slitting but yours." As I say that, I drag my hand across her throat and apply a bit of pressure with it. She tries to grab my hand but I pull it back quickly. "Don't test me Jocelyn." I turn around at that and grab Jaces arm. I nod to Izzy and Simon and shot a glare at Magnus and Hodge. I catch a glimpse at Jocelyns red face and heaving chest and smile to myself. You got to her. I high five myself in my mind as I throw open the front door to the mansion and drag Jace out onto the front lawn. I let go of his arm and we fall into the same pace as we walk further and further away from the mansion.

"Why do you want to talk to me?" Jace says from beside me as we cross the street, walking down another street that is full of mansions too. I don't pay attention to any of them, I'm not focusing at all. "Clary!" Jace yells beside me and as much as I don't want to admit it but that made me jump. I punch him in the arm and laugh. He doesn't laugh and I know I shouldn't be either. What has been happening and what I have been told to do is serious. Not something to overlook.

"I'm going to do it Jace." I mumble but I know he can hear me because he stops dead in his tracks. Not saying a word. I sigh and stop walking too, spinning on my heels to look at him. He looks pale and I sort of blush for how concerned he is for me. God I'm so pathetic.

"Are you crazy?!" He starts to walk again and I match his pace so we are back in rhythm.

"I am Jace. If I'm not crazy then this world is." I wrap my arms around my body even though it isn't cold but because it comforts me in a way. Yep. I'm defiantly crazy.

"You said it yourself. You said you can't kill him. You haven't killed anyone yet." His voice sounds upset and pleading now instead of angry. I stop and turn to look at him.

"I know. A part of me doesn't want to do it but this isn't about me." Now I'm pleading too.

"But this will affect you the worst. Killing someone kills you. A lot of people kill themselves afterwards because of the guilt."

"I'm not like other people."

"You're young and innocent. You shouldn't have to do this."

"Then who will?!" Tears start to fill my eyes and I'm not entirely sure why.

"Anyone but you!" We are yelling at each other but it's not angry fighting yelling. It's a pleading yell that you only hear so often.

"There isn't anyone else."

"I'll-"I cut Jace off because what he is going to suggest I won't allow him to do.

"No! You can't do it!" I shake my head furiously.

"Why?!"

"Because you're alive according to him. I'm not." We are silent for a while because we both know I'm right. They wouldn't off asked me if that wasn't the situation. Jace breaks the silence with a deep breath.

"If I could, I would take you away from this life." With tears in his eyes too, he grabs my hand from my crossed arms.

"But I wouldn't have met you." I try to put on a small smile but it's difficult because I feel so sad. An unbearable sadness.

"I would make that sacrifice for you. I could live knowing you wouldn't know me if that meant you are not in pain." Now tears are spilling on my cheeks. This is what happens when I have two heart to hearts in one day. I become a complete and utter mess.

"I'm going to sound so cheesy but Jace. Pain doesn't bother me when I'm near you." He smiles and laughs a little.

"God, you're so cheesy." Jace shakes his head laughing a bit louder.

"Shut up." I laugh before I stand on my tippy toes and kiss his lips that I have been eager to kiss again. He smiles against our kiss and deepens it to something I haven't felt before. Passion beyond words. I'm in the worst situation ever but for god sake, I love him so much.

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**hehe! I sort of love that ending! Oh and guys, for all you lovers of the hunger games. There is this author **_the scout12_** who has written some crazy awesome stories that you should check out. I absolutely love them! And she is so nice too! :) I hope you enjoyed that chapter! P.S: I'm sorry if there is any typos. I didn't have time to edit! :) **


	34. Reena

**Eeek! I'm so sorry for the lack of updating! I feel so terrible about it! I don't really have a valuable excuse. Life has gotten in the way really. I have been trying very hard at school so I can get two VCE subjects next year so time has just been slipping away for me. So I'm sorry. Thanks for the support. Awesome as usual. I do have one concern though. Being critical as I am on myself, I have been worried about the amount of reviews I got last chapter. I keep thinking that I'm doing something wrong and that you guys don't like it. I hope that isn't the case! I would really really appreciate it if you left a review because right now I'm convinced that I'm doing something wrong. Anyway, make sure to review, favorite and follow! Thanks :)**

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I take Jace's rough hands as we sit on the floor, staring at the concentrated faces of Jocelyn and Hodge. Magnus, Alec, Izzy and Simon left the room when Jace and I got back. I can hear their yelling voices from down the hall in out silence. I twitch nervously on the floor. Jace gives my hand a squeeze, willing me to talk.

"What?" That's all I can say. I can't form a proper sentence when they are staring at me with the intense eyes that remind me of a lion hunting his prey. Before I can think of Hodge's face on a lion he clears his throat.

"Are you in?" He asks, sounding deadly.

"Yes" I breathe out quickly waiting for Jace to react.

"Clary, NO!" Jace yells trying to turn my head to face him but I can't. I won't do it. "Clary! Please!"

"What do you want me to do?" I say with tears in my eyes. I need to stop crying, it's getting ridiculous.

"Killing your father is not suitable for your first kill. It will put you off killing."

"Put me off killing?" I say with disbelief. I never was on the idea.

"Therefore, you will kill someone else. You need to prove you are up to it." I nod even though he ignored my question.

"Clary! You can't!" Jace yells at me. Trying to turn my face around again.

"No! Leave!" I scream at Jace and point down the hall. The shock, hurt and disappointment is evident on his face and I want to say sorry and tell him to stay here and to never leave me but if I do, I will never be able to do this.

"You don't me-"Jace starts but I cut him off to know I'm being final.

"Leave!" I scream louder and move away from him. He doesn't allow me to see his face because he gets up and stride out of the room in 3 seconds. My gut feels like they have been ripped out but I don't move. I need to do this before I back out. "Is that enough proof for you!" I snap at Hodge but he just rolls his eyes.

"Her name is Johnson, Reena Johnson."

"Her?" I'm going to kill a girl?

"Yes. It's a girl." He eyes me up and down.

"I can't." I stand up to run away but Jocelyn stands up too but with a look in her eye saying if I take a step she would kill me.

"You said you would." Hodge says looking at me like I'm a child being irrational. "It's a girl! What's so bad about that?"

"She's a girl, like me! I can't kill someone especially not a girl! An innocent girl!" I yell pacing a little but Jocelyn stands in the same spot with the same stare. If looks could kill, I would have died a long time ago.

"She murdered 6 people!" I'm not going to lie, that shocked me but she has to have a reason for doing that. No one kills just because they can.

"But why?" I ask trying to stay calm. I notice tears in Hodge's eyes. It's personal.

"For trying to keep her safe! They knew she was a psychopath so they wouldn't let her go outside because she was dangerous. She killed them, to free herself!" Small tears fall from his gleaming eyes.

"Who were they?" I stop pacing and walk towards him.

"My niece's family." He barely whispers before he falls apart in front of me. Even the strongest break when it comes to family. Just like I always did. I hate Hodge but I feel sorry for him. I want to get revenge for him. "My niece's daughter killed them. We have been called to kill her but I can't do it. She's still my family." I have to do this. I get an empty feeling in my chest like I'm dead.

"I'll need something to kill her with." I say gulping. Now the dead is going to kill the living.

"Oh don't you worry yourself about that. We have that sorted already. Now, training. We will do training but not intense so you can kill Reena but then when it comes to Valentine. We will kill you with training because Valentine is one of the best assassins we know." With a nod, Hodge gets up wincing from before and limps down the hall way grabbing at his back. I look at Jocelyn who is staring at me.

"Thank you Clary." She says with a fake smile and coming towards me to give me a hug. No way.

"I didn't do this for you. I didn't do this for anyone but myself, Jace, Izzy and Simon. Because they're my family." I say pushing her chest away from me. She really thinks she can be my mom now. No.

"I'm your family."

"Yeah I know. Stop reminding me." I say rolling my eyes and keeping my arms crossed over my chest. Jocelyn frowns.

"You say it like it's a bad thing." She can't be serious can she?

"Are you that dumb?!" I snap at her.

"Don't speak to me like that!"

"Sure! Sorry Mother. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings mother. Would you want me to kill everyone you ever hated too for you?" I say looking at her with fake dreamy eyes.

"Don't blame me for this."

"This is your fault!"

"It's not! How many times must I tell you?!"

"You are delusional! This is your fault for ever marring a guy like him. You married an assassin for god sake! What did you expect?!"

"You're dating one!"

"But he isn't like Valentine."

"Oh yes he is. When Valentine was Jace's age he was the exact same."

"Stop trying to get into my head!" I scream at her. I know she is trying to scare me. She just wants me to be her killing toy.

"I'm not. I'm telling you the truth!"

"Do you want to hear the truth?!" I scream in her face as I march right up to her. "You are a cold hearted bitch who is worse than Valentine! You would use your own daughter to kill your mistakes! You put your daughter through hell." She seemed shocked and hurt at what I said.

"You seem very forgiving for someone who raped and abused you."

"Yes he did that stuff but who was there. Who made him that way? You! You 'killing yourself' was the last straw and you left me to take it all. I hate you so much! I wish your where never in my life! I hope you burn in hell!" As disgusting as it is, I spit in her face. I march down the same hall Hodge went down. I hear Jace and Izzy arguing in the room at the end of the hall to the left. I rip open the wooden door and slam it shut. Izzy and Jace stop there arguing and stare at me with shocked faces. I'm thinking through many possibilities right now on what I can do because I'm not so willing to kill for Hodge and Jocelyn anymore.

"I have a plan." I announce, taking a seat on the aqua carpet. "Let's play a game."

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**Sorry for any mistakes! I hope you enjoyed that chapter! **


	35. Authors Note

**Hey guys, I'm sort of stuck here. I have no idea what to do. My life is getting hectic and finding time to type this story is getting so little. I've lost motivation for it too. I've thought of stopping writing it because this story is not progressing at all. But the only thing that is making me hesitate stop writing this is how many views I'll get each chapter. I'll get close to a thousand. That's a big deal. I'm not sure what do here. I'm defiantly thinking of stopping. I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking this, I owe it to you guys. But I'll see. **

**Bye Guys.**


	36. Before the Storm

**So, I haven't stopped writing this story. As you can probably tell. I just had a break from it. I had some stuff I needed to work out before I could start typing again. I'm so sorry for this and I hope you understand that I really need this. But I'm back! We have to write a story for my English class and it inspired me to pick this back up again so after a couple of really bad blank minded days. I have finished the chapter. But thank you guys for the support and the reviews on my authors note because it helped a lot. I send my gratitude to you all. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Make sure to follow, favorite and review! Please! :) haha**

**Warning: A word in this chapter may be offensive to some people. It's early on in the chapter by the way.**

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"You know you're practically going into war." Alec stumbles over the bed and takes Magnus down with him. Magnus lies on top of Alec and they both start laughing and blushing. Izzy huffs a sigh and rips Magnus from on top of Alec.

"Keep the PDA to a minimal please! We're going to go against Hodge here and you are going to have sex!" Izzy screams. At the mention of Hodge I freeze in place. The gears in my head turn until I realize who Magnus is sided with. I'm completely still, waiting to hear Magnus walk past me. I hear his light footsteps and clutch the sword that Valentine gave me. I'm glad we got it back. I slide the sword into its sheath. Thank god for Jace and his huge supply of weapons and accessories. I pull the dagger from it being strapped to my leg and with quick and swift movement. I pin Magnus to the wall, pressing the clean blade up to his unscarred neck. One wrong word or movement and his untouched neck will be spilling with dark red blood.

"What the hell Clary?!" Everyone in the room yells at the same time because of my random move.

"You can never trust anyone." I hiss at Magnus and he flinches back.

"Clary what are you doing?!" Alec yells as he grabs at my arm to pull the dagger away from Magnus. But I don't let him win. I keep my eyes on Magnus who is staring right at me. "Clary!" He yells again.

"Don't you start!" I scream at Alec, grabbing the front of his jumper and slamming him against the wall next to Magnus. I unsheathe the second of many daggers from my thigh and press it to Alec's neck. "I had no problem with you Alec!" Magnus eyes dart to Alecs then back to me. "Don't even think about it Magnus or I swear I'll slit your throat." I'm surprised that Jace, Izzy and Simon are being quite about all this. They would usually be screaming at me to stop.

"Let us go Clary! This is crazy!" Alec yells, sinking back into the wall to get the dagger away from his throat.

"You know what's crazy?! That we didn't think twice about Magnus here! He is with Hodge and Jocelyn! He could tell them and sabotage the whole thing."

"You don't know him!"

"Neither do you really! You may be together but there is two sides to someone! To you Alec, he is the bubbly love of your life. To Hodge, Magnus is the weapon against us!" Then I start to shake. Like I just got cold quickly and harshly. My chest tightens like a big hand has clamped down. I can't breathe. I gasp for air and my legs go weak and numb. I collapse onto the floor crying. I don't know if I cut Magnus or Alec on my way down but I don't think about that. All I think about is how I'm going to die from whatever this is. It's like I'm having a heart attack. I feel hands keep me up from falling and lying on the ground. With grunts and unclear words, the hands lift me up onto a chair nearby.

"Put your head between your knees Clary. It will help you breathe." I do as instructed and put my head in between my knees and I can breathe slightly better. Pairs of hands rubs my shoulders to relax me as another rubs my back. Someone leans in front of me and they speak.

"It's okay Clary. I promise. You need to calm down." It's Jace. His voice is till recognizable over my heavy breathing.

"No shit!" I say between every heaving breath. Jace keeps talking and I keep talking too. The arms rubbing my shoulders and back help as about 10 minutes I'm doing better. I'm still shaking and my chest is tight but that's about it. I raise my head and look behind me to see that Magnus and Alec are behind me. I had daggers to their throats but yet they are here, keeping me calm. This is such a mess. I can't find Izzy and Simon anywhere though.

"Where is Izzy and Simon?" I say to Jace, run my hands down my face in hoping that they will stop shaking so much. Jace grabs my hands and hold them in his.

"They went to talk to Hodge and Jocelyn to convince them that we are all for it and what we will be planning to do. We can't exactly talk about our plans in front of them can we?" He smiles slightly to see if it's appropriate and I smile back, telling him that it's okay. I look at his eyes that have always been imprinted in my mind and sigh.

"I'm so sorry Jace." I say leaning my head against his chest.

"Don't apologize. We understand how stressful it is." He replies back, resting his head on top of mine.

"Clary. Do you usually have panic attacks?" Magnus asks coming around to stand next to Jace.

"Panic attacks? I don't have panic attacks." I say standing up and bring Jace with me.

"Then what was that?" Alec says coming around to stand next to his boyfriend.

"I don't know. But I don't have panic attacks." I say shaking my head. I bend down to retrieve my two daggers and strap them to my leg again. My hands are still shaking a bit but overall I'm okay. I still feel shaken up but I can live with it.

"You just had a panic attack." Jace confirms Alec and Magnus's theory. I sigh again and collapse back into the chair. Magnus drops to his knees in front of me with a look of curiosity. I frown at him and he rolls his eyes.

"A good friend of mine had panic attacks. I would always see her have them but she never spoke about them."

"That's because it doesn't matter. This will be the last one I ever have. I'm not made to kill but that's what is in store and I will not back away because some stupid panic attack." Magnus nods in understanding.

"I'll ask her for some tablets that she takes to calm her down." He says patting me on the knee.

"I'm not going to tell you about it Magnus, if that's what you want." I get up again quickly, nearly knocking Magnus over. He shakes his head and swifts raises to his full size again. He towers over me as usual that makes me curse for being so short. I turn to Alec and walk over to him. I take him in for an embrace. I reach out my arm to welcome Magnus in. Alec and Magnus both wrap their arms around me as I let regret flood me.

"I'm sorry guys. I didn't want to hurt you."  
"I know." Alec mutters and tightens his grip around me. I look at Magnus to see if I'm forgiven.

"It's okay. You were just trying to protect yourself. That's what we assassins do. But now we have to protect you. But that doesn't mean you can do that again." He chuckles slightly from his last words and I look at Alec in confusion. He might understand his crazy boyfriend's words. But Alec just looks at me and I know that Magnus was saying that for real.

"What do you mean protect me?" I look at Magnus as he calm down from his little chuckle.

"As assassins, we mainly work alone but then you came along. Clary, you are the revolution of our corrupted group. Without you here, nothing would change." He shrugs and we break away from our hug. I look from Alec to Magnus then to Jace.

"What are you trying to change?" I say to them with slight confusion. I know they want everyone out of the group but them but surely they wanted to keep one adult figure to guide them. I thought maybe my mum. That should have a change of heart and she would guide us properly but it seems like they have different plans.

"You're planning to kill my mum aren't you?" I say in slight disbelief that they have come up with this agreement without telling me. I made up this plan!

"Oh yeah. Welcome to the revolution Clary."

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**Sorry for the mistakes. I didn't have much time to edit it at all! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! **


	37. Tricks for the Trickster

**I'm so sorry! I haven't updated this story for so long and I feel terrible! It has been crazy at school and at home, I guess writing this story just slipped through my thoughts. So I'm terribly sorry. But here is a new chapter! It may not be as good as some of my others but I haven't wrote in ages so I admit that I'm rusty. haha. Thanks for the support and I'm so excited to nearly reach 20,000 views. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and if it's not too much to ask, could you please leave a review? I haven't got many at all the last few chapters and I'm not sure if you guys like it anymore. :/ But anyway, please favourite and follow. :)**

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"So what's the plan again?" Simon asks rocking back and forth on a chair.

"Well, Reena-"Jace begins to explain the plan again with a huff but I know he loves it.

"You guys aren't going" I shake my head as I slip on the black top that assassins wear when they get a job to kill. Izzy and Simon both look at me like I'm mad. "I mean it. You guys aren't going." I pull my hair up into a tight pony tail. I really should cut my hair. It's so long now. Nearly as long as Izzy's.

"No, we are going." Izzy argues back.

"Don't you get it? You guys aren't forced into this life of sickness. You guys can be free and safe. We don't have a choice here. You do. That's why I'm saying no. You shouldn't be part of this life." I say stuffing my sword into its sheath once again.

"I know Clary. But they are my brothers. And you are my friend. Clary, I'm a warrior in heels." With those words, she swings the dagger she was holding around in her hand. I know she is right. When it comes to me, Jace and Alec. I know that Simon and Izzy would not hesitate to go into a battle. Because we are all like family that I have never had.

"Fine." I sigh and continue to stuff myself with weapons. Alec is standing beside me smiling as he grabs a bow and arrow. I didn't know they still used that.

"So what's the plan?" Simon asks again and Jace looks at me asking with his eyes if I was going to interrupt again. I throw my hands in front of my chest in defeat. Alec laughs and hugs me.

"Thanks." Alec whispers in my ear as Jace clears his throat to talk. Alec turns back around like nothing happened. I smile widely knowing why he said thank you. He doesn't want Izzy and Simon to go as well but he know he can't stop her.

"So the plan is that Clary will nicely go with Hodge and Jocelyn to kill Reena. Little do they know that we are trailing behind them with the fabulous Valentine. He is practically jumping at the opportunity to kill Hodge. So the plan goes that Clary will stall killing Reena. But Alec will kill her with the bow and arrow. Then it's Valentines cue to kill Hodge. Then Clary will race to her mum and beg her to help her because Valentine is here to kill them all. Not true but she doesn't have to know that. And in hopes that she isn't as heartless as she is acting, she will try to save Clary. Then I come in and kill Valentine leaving Jocelyn by herself. Then Clary kills her." He finishes of the explanation with a smile that I want to slap off his face.

"You're joking aren't you?" I say in disbelief.

"No. What's wrong?" Jace replies back with a curious look and crossed arms over his chest.

"You practically went mad when they told me I had to kill Reena and you kept saying no. You kept saying that I was still innocent and shouldn't kill anyone. Now, you are willing for me to kill my own mother and watch my blood family die right in front of me?"

"Well, if you put it into that concept it sounds wrong." Izzy chimes in with a flat tone.

"That's because it is!" I snap and stomp out of the room. I run into a mass of body but it's so small and fragile I know who it is. "How long have you been standing here?"

"I heard that your family was going to die in front of you." Jocelyn says it so bluntly that it terrifies me. I sigh and make up a quick plan in my head around this. She says she only heard that part and we said nothing afterwards that really hits to her or anyone else dying. I just have to trust that even though Jocelyn has a cold heart, she still runs off motherly instincts when it comes to me. Time to act. I make myself cry but I know a fair bit of it isn't fake.

"What did they say Clary?" Jocelyn takes my sobbing body into an embrace I've longed for. It just makes me sob harder knowing that this is all a dream and soon enough she is going to be dead. By my own hands.

"I'm scared to kill Reena. I don't want too. And I know as soon as something goes wrong with this assassin business that you, dad, Hodge and them" I point to the door behind me. "will all come to help me and you can all die! I don't want to lose you! I can't!" I know this is a lie but it's true. I'm going to lose them. I don't think I can deal with that.

"It's okay honey. You will do fine. It's just the nerves." It pains me that this is the first and last time she will comfort me. I know I believed that she did before but it was all an act to get us too here. Now we are and she thinks she can be what I always believed she wanted to be under the mean mask. A mother. And it makes me sick. But I pull on a sad smile. I pull away from her, wiping my tears.

"Thanks mum." She flashes a smile and turns around to leave.

"The dagger in your pocket is too obvious." She calls to me as she walks down the hallway. I shove my hand into my pocket and pull out the dagger. I stand in the hallway frozen. I need to pick my blood family or my other family. I need to kill one of them off soon. I walk back through the door and everyone is staring at me, pleading with their eyes that she didn't hear much. They must have heard our talk.

"It's okay." I say but they kept looking at me, waiting for the real answer. I mouth 'wait. She way be there.' I point towards the door and they all nod. 'I've got this' They all share looks of relief "I promise it's okay." I look at the wall and miraculously while I was gone, they had set up the plan on a cork board that has pictures of the targets and names. It looks like something right out of a detective movie. I see big black block letters on the wall that spells 'REENA'. I walk up to her picture and place my hand on it. She looks around our age but a little older. Her hair is a light shade of brown and she is smiling in the photo. Her brown eyes look so far away and guarded, like she is hiding something. I think of what she has done and that picture evolves into who she really is. Her brown eyes look scary. Her smile is menacing and her hair curling around her shoulders just look like another weapon for her to use. I look at the hands resting in front of her and notice that she is sitting in a delicate pose. But she is far from it. She is the ultimate master of deception. I let my eyes travel next to her picture to a picture of Jocelyn. It's like a punch to the face, it's a photo of her holding me as a baby. I used to stare at the photo when she left. I was always trying to feel the love that dance in her eyes when I was born again. I feel the anger boil inside me and all I see is red.

"I hope you rot in hell."

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**I hope you enjoyed! :)**


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